At some point, especially later in life, you will end up alone with no partner. That’s when you’re left alone with only your needs and desires.
This is a voluntary choice for some. But for others – life happens and then, all of a sudden we find ourselves on our own.
You may think it’s too late to find someone. But the truth is – it’s never too late.
Whether you’re a widow, divorced, or never married – you deserve to have your needs met – no matter where you are in life. But it can be intimidating to seek out a partner when you feel inexperienced and vulnerable. And this can open you up to exploitation.
But dating late in life as an older adult doesn’t have to be a daunting experience.
However, because of your experiences, now you know yourself better. More than you ever have at any other point in your life. Now, you’re far more discerning. It takes a fraction of a second for you to size up others and their intentions – simply because you’ve been around the block a few times.
In my practice, I help my more mature adult clients work through difficult situations like dating after divorce or the death of a partner.
When you sign up for my singles coaching, individual coaching, or my high net worth concierge coaching – I help you determine how to approach and manage these new and challenging situations in your life.
There are things to keep in mind that will help you navigate these seemingly treacherous waters.
How Should You Approach Dating as a Fully Matured Adult?
First things first – if you’re feeling sad that you identify as “older”, let’s clear up a few things.
- Fully Matured is not an insult.
- Fully Matured simply means you’re much more experienced, much wiser, and seasoned.
- Just because you identify as matured, doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy all the same things you experienced as a younger individual.
“If you’re saying you’re too old for this and that – you’re the one who’s benching yourself.”
That’s only true if you believe it to be so. Fact is, it doesn’t need to be that way. Forget the cliche that you’re only as old as you feel.
You’re only as old as you act. And you don’t have to act like life has passed you by when you have so much more living to do.
In as much, if you’re ready to enter the dating pool again, there are several things you should do to make it easier for you and the people you date. These steps work well for dating at all ages, but especially for mature adults.
1. Accept that you have needs and desires.
It’s ok to admit that you have voids. Psychological, sexual, and emotional voids that need to be filled. And filling them comes with a cost. You can’t fill up your gas tank without paying.
The cost may be getting out of your comfort zone. It may be sacrificing part of the life you’ve built on your own. It’s a combination of big and small costs – but you get to decide what is worthy of the trade.
2. Define your needs.
At this point, you should determine your non-negotiables and what you’re willing to compromise on.
Most who enter the dating world don’t plan to fail – but they fail to plan. You’ll see this in some marriages. You owe it to yourself and those you’re dating to decide what you want and need and how you want your relationship to proceed.
If you’ve decided you don’t ever want kids, don’t date someone who badly wants them.
Maybe you’re not looking for a partner and you only want friendship. Or you want a strictly physical relationship and nothing more. It’s up to you. And it’s also up to you to communicate what you do and don’t want.
3. Embrace Unfamiliarity.
Everyone has different preferences when it comes to physical looks and personality. But that doesn’t mean you can’t consider branching out. Don’t lose sight of your core values – but be open to the possibility of something or someone different than what you’ve limited yourself to in the past.
You don’t have to define yourself and your tastes right away. Give yourself room to try new things and experience people who may be different than what you typically go for.
4. Understand you are a work in progress.
This goes along with #3. You don’t have to know exactly who and what you want when you first begin dating as a mature adult.
You’re beginning again – re-entering the dating world – so don’t rush to the end of the story.
Don’t act like you’re in a terminal situation. Instead, make decisions as if you have so much left to give and receive – because you do. Put mildly, know your value. This is not the time to settle for less than you deserve.
Dating Later in Life Doesn’t Have to Be Difficult
So you feel inexperienced and out of your depth. You’ll make mistakes as everyone else does. But they’ll likely be different mistakes than those you made the first time around as a young adult.
But the possibility of making mistakes shouldn’t deter you from dating altogether. You might not believe it, but being older doesn’t mean you should stop living life the way you want to.
You’re older and wiser – so don’t approach dating in all the same ways. You’re not going to be going to the club and hooking up with strangers. Visiting the old hunting grounds isn’t the wisest choice. And it probably won’t be enjoyable.
Be willing to try new things and also be true to yourself. Sticking to these two goals will make any process feel more promising and less terrifying.
Should You Feel Pressured to Date as a Mature Adult?
At some point in your life, you’ve probably felt pressured to get married and have children. Maybe in the form of your aunt’s “friendly advice” during Thanksgiving dinner. Or your parents asking you when they’re going to have grandchildren.
It’s important to remember you have your own dreams and needs. You decide whether or not you want to get married. And whether or not you want to date at all.
Everyone needs relationships to maintain their humanity. But those relationships don’t have to be defined. They don’t have to lead to marriage or children or romantic love.
And sometimes you need someone to tell you it’s ok to not want what others want, or what they think you should have. It’s your life.
As a coach, never do I tell my clients what they should do or want. We work together to ensure their choices match their goals in life. It’s helpful to have someone who can point out your blind spots and offer insight – but you have ultimate control over your life.
If you’re ready to embark on this journey, book a call with me today. If we’re a good fit, we can help you position yourself to start forming meaningful, healthy relationships while taking better care of yourself.
For more resources on the advantages and disadvantages of dating, read my blog “Why Some Men And Women Prefer Being Single”.
https://drdivanyoung.com/why-men-dont-commit/
If you’ve recently been through a life-altering change, specifically divorce, see my blog on “Coping with life after divorce”.
You can do it: Coping with life after divorce