by Dr. D Ivan Young, ICF Master Certified Coach
Helping others during the holidays can be overwhelming, especially when you’re struggling yourself.
I, more than most, understand how it feels. I buried my mother two days after Thanksgiving several years ago.
The holiday season is supposed to be a time of joy and celebration, but sometimes it can feel like there’s nothing to celebrate. You may feel lonely and disconnected from the festivities.
However, there are ways to find meaning during this time, even if you don’t feel like celebrating or being around anyone for the holidays.
It’s important to remember that the “why” behind our actions is what gives them significance.
So, take some time to reflect on what truly matters to you. Find ways to connect with others and give back in a way that feels meaningful to you.
Why Are You Here? I’ll Tell You Why I Am…
The Thanksgiving right after my mother died was the worst Thanksgiving of my life.
As an only adopted child, I had lost the last close relative to me at a time when everyone was celebrating with their friends and family.
Needless to say, the holiday season had lost its meaning and value to me. That is until I had some alone time with me and God.
In the midst of my anger and tears, I found an old recording from a church service. In the recording was my mentor and role model, who was also the pastor. What he said on that recording was what I needed to hear.
And it was at a time when I needed to hear it the most.
I became aware that I was not alone. Something much greater and wiser than myself had led me to find this recording.
In the same way, you reading this article is not a mistake.
No matter what you’re going through and no matter how bad it feels, I’m here to help you get through it.
What Does Helping Others during the Holidays Look Like?
I’m not a “do as I say and not as I do” type of person. I preach and practice helping others during the holidays.
There are many different ways to go about helping others during the holiday season. It doesn’t have to include money.
You can:
- Spend time with someone else who’s alone.
- Donate money or resources to a local charity.
- Engage in random acts of kindness, like paying it forward or being someone’s shoulder to cry on.
- Volunteer for shelters, charities, or any other organizations that need help to do more good.
- Reach out to someone who’s having a tough time.
There’s no shortage of ways to help others during the holidays.
If there’s something that would make your holiday season a little bit better, turn around and do that for someone else. Odds are, it’ll help you too.
Find a Way to Contribute This Holiday Season
There are so many charities that make a huge difference in others’ lives, including those that:
- Serve meals to the homeless.
- Provide toys and clothes for families.
- Help children of incarcerated parents.
But like I mentioned before, helping others during the holidays doesn’t have to be in the form of money.
If you’re in a tricky financial situation yourself, you can:
- Volunteer your time – some organizations can’t function and help as many people as they do without volunteers.
- Donating clothes or canned food – odds are, you have some items that are no longer useful to you, but they could be for someone else!
- Offer to listen to a friend, or even a stranger, in need – sometimes all one needs is one person to care and really listen to them sincerely.
There’s no right or wrong way to be kind.
A small gesture from you might be what brings someone out of the darkest time in their life.
Helping Others During the Holidays Helps You Too
If you’re not in the best place, it can be challenging to think about helping others.
If you do feel this way, don’t be ashamed of it. Naturally, those who are happier are more likely to engage in activities that help others¹.
But I ask you to consider your options.
Will you accept loneliness and a season/lifetime of unhappiness?
Or will you do what you can to help others this holiday season and find a little happiness in the process?
You know what it’s like to be lonely and feel like you have nobody to turn to during this time of celebration. There are so many others that feel the way you do.
That doesn’t mean you haven’t been through the wringer. I’m not saying that you’re not allowed to feel unhappy. But imagine how it would feel if you connected with someone else. Someone who’s hoping for a sign that they matter.
Believe it or not, helping others during the holidays might be the sign they’ve been waiting for.
And in the process, you’ll realize how much you matter because you can make a difference.
If I’m Focused On Helping Myself, Can I Really Help Others?
It might feel wrong to help others to help yourself.
Some studies have found that those who help others for purely selfless reasons don’t receive much of a happiness boost².
But the truth is, you can help others and help yourself.
When you truly connect with others whom you choose to help, it’s almost impossible to do nice things for the sole reason of benefitting yourself. Because you understand what they’re going through on some level.
So don’t feel guilty or fake for helping others during the holidays to get through whatever you’re going through.
Regardless of whether it helps you or not, and I believe it will, you’re still helping someone else make it through the holiday season.
Because of you, maybe they won’t feel so alone.
Find a Reason and Embrace the Season
The holidays aren’t about gifts or arguing over whose beliefs are valid.
Many of us know this, yet we still lose sight of the bigger picture. It’s easy to forget the “why” when the “what” is so commercialized.
So whether you’re alone, grieving, or not celebrating this holiday season, try to focus on the difference you make in others’ lives. Appreciate the difference that others have made in your life.
As you read this right now, you may be the one who just lost your mother, child, or significant other. Or you might be alone for some other reason way beyond your control. Maybe you have plenty of people to celebrate with and you’re in a position to give back.
No matter what your situation is, you have the opportunity to be a light in a dark place for someone else.
And if you need guidance and support as you navigate the holiday season and beyond, reach out.
Bio – Dr. D Ivan Young is an expert on human behavior and relationships. He’s a Master Credentialed expert on personality type, an ICF credentialed Master Certified Coach, a Certified Professional Diversity Coach, and a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach. Dr. Young is also a member of the prestigious Forbes Coaches Council.