by Dr. D Ivan Young, ICF Master Certified Coach
Code-switching is something you learn before you can crawl and it develops as you age.
It becomes ingrained in your subconscious. Throughout your life, it influences the way you communicate with others. It enables you to handle situations where your sense of self may be threatened or tested.
It’s common when you’re exposed to someone of a different:
- age.
- race.
- nationality.
- gender.
- culture.
- and even socioeconomic status.
This instinct is especially prevalent if you’re part of a marginalized community. If this is the case, you’re likely all too familiar with this protective habit.
But, I must warn you, as much as this can protect you it can be equally detrimental.
As an African-American Man, I know this firsthand.
When code-switching becomes habitual, you can start to lose who you really are.
As an expert on human behavior and relationships, I’ve seen all types of code-switching. I have, and still do, experience subtle bias and racism as an African-American man in the South. But I don’t allow those things to prevent me from achieving my personal and professional goals.
I’ve developed the ability to differentiate between code-switching that violates my values and mindful code-switching that serves my best interests.
Being aware of this difference helps me to better connect and communicate with individuals who have little or nothing in common with me.
Regardless of your situation, my advice is the same.
Be true to yourself. Otherwise, you’ll lose yourself somewhere along the way.
When and Why Do We Start Code-Switching?
The moment you seek validation from your caregivers, you start learning to code-switch.You adjust your behavior and language based on how they respond.
As early as nine months old, you realize how you perform has a great deal to do with getting what you want. By this age, you can distinguish between an approving tone and a disapproving one. You’re able to analyze body language and facial expressions.
By the age of two, you’ve mastered reading the expressions of your caregivers and others.
At age three you’ve become a pint-sized expert at reading others. You check for a response to see if it’s okay to grab that bright and shiny object from the table.
By the time you’ve reached five, you’re a seasoned master at testing the limits. For the first time, you can competently survey the room in the blink of an eye to see what you can and can’t get away with.
You make quick work of checking to see if you have permission to put the cookie in your mouth. You wait for a reaction when you begin crossing the threshold of a room someone told you not to enter.
So even as a child, you know that code-switching is a versatile tool. You can use it for everything from creating strategic play yard partnerships to putting on the pouty face to avoid punishment.
But as we’ve established, it can be harmful to your sense of self later in life.
So how can you prevent harmful code-switching?
First, identify why you use code-switching because it can be a good thing. The ability to assimilate and adapt is powerful when done at the right time for the right reasons.
It’s great to be respectful of authority figures, including our parents, guardians, and teachers.
But if you’re code-switching to prevent conflict or even embarrassment at the expense of your real feelings or beliefs, this is when it can be harmful.
Of course, avoiding this is easier said than done.
But you have to choose between being comfortable and being true to yourself.
Let’s look at some examples of code-switching. We’ll compare beneficial code-switching to the damaging kind.
Common Code-Switching Examples
The definition of code-switching has expanded to include not only changing your language and communication style to fit in but also your behavior and appearance⁴.
Code-switching can look like:
- Alternating between languages when you’re speaking with different people.
- Acting a certain way around someone you just met, but acting like yourself when you’re with friends.
- Cussing in front of your friends, but using polite language around those you hold in high esteem.
- Using colloquialisms in conversations with others from your own race or culture, but avoiding this language when speaking with those outside of your culture and race.
These are only a few examples. Code-switching essentially covers all forms of communication, even nonverbal, between individuals.
While code-switching might seem fake, this instinctual shift can be the result of racism, bigotry, self-loathing, and other cultural biases that make individuals uncomfortable or afraid of being themselves.
There are good and bad reasons for code-switching.
Goals of Code-Switching Communication
When you code-switch, you likely have one of the following goals.
- Gain acceptance.
- Get what you want.
- Avoid embarrassment or vulnerability.
If you feel physically threatened, code-switching can protect you for a short period of time. I’m not saying to never code-switch. Code-switching may work well for a while in certain circumstances. But it’s a disaster when it becomes your way of life.
If you’re simply afraid of what others think, I’m giving you permission and encouragement to drop the mask and show yourself.
My advice is simple, go where you’re celebrated, not tolerated.
If someone doesn’t appreciate your true self, it’s not meant to be.
When Code-Switching Is Benign
So you probably change your language when you’re talking to an authority figure or someone you admire.
This version of code-switching is normal and is born out of respect rather than defensiveness.
Changing the way you speak with those you love or admire is natural. This compliance approach might look like mostly speaking a family member’s preferred language, even though you might find it easier to speak in another¹.
In these cases, you’re code-switching to make things easier on someone else. This isn’t inherently harmful.
It’s only destructive to your success and happiness when you’re making others comfortable at your own expense.
Code-Switching Can Harm Your Chances of Success
It’s often difficult to fight against the temptation to code-switch. It’s tempting when you’re communicating with individuals you view as more influential.
After all, language is powerful. It can be used to manipulate and gain control².
We all make assumptions based on someone’s language and behavior. If you’re in a minority speaking with someone who’s not, you likely code-switch to sound more like them because of cultural and racial biases.
Projecting a false image of yourself may feel like a protective measure. But in actuality, it can harm your well-being and hinder your chances of success.
The effort required to maintain such a facade can be emotionally draining.
Furthermore, by concealing your true self, you deny others the chance to truly get to know you.
For individuals with high levels of intelligence, appreciating diversity is often an ingrained trait. If your current surroundings lack inclusivity, it may be worth seeking out a more diverse and accepting environment. You can’t restrict yourself and expect to achieve your full potential.
It’s difficult to be the voice that speaks against what’s commonly accepted or believed.
We’ve seen the consequences of not speaking up against what is wrong in the last few years. As a country, we continue to experience division, bias, bigotry, and racism. Code-switching is the internal enemy of what’s right.
Unless you choose your true self, your lack of authenticity will make it hard for you to reach new heights.
The attempt to be all things to all people only causes internal stress and anxiety. Left unchecked, this needless stress can manifest as physical illness.
Being able to be who you are is the best thing you can do for yourself.
Of course, it can be difficult to stop engaging in harmful code-switching. But the benefits far outweigh the costs.
Code-Switching in the Workplace
Code-switching in the workplace can be reasonable or dangerous.
You don’t behave the same way in front of your boss as you do in front of your friends. This is a reasonable form of code-switching. It’s based on your environment and the presence of authority.
However, when the underlying motivation for code-switching is to gain acceptance, there might be a bigger issue. If your language and behavior are generally characterized as unprofessional or offensive, that’s a problem with your surroundings, not with you.
Recent studies have shown that Black or multiracial individuals often feel the need to alter their natural way of speaking to sound more professional³.
Engaging in this type of code-switching can be damaging to one’s sense of self and identity. It’s important to consider whether this behavior stems from the belief that one’s language or behavior is inherently wrong or inferior based on their race, cultural origin, nationality, or sexual identity.
If that’s the case, it’s time to embrace your true self. If you can’t accept yourself, how can others?
When you feel like you can’t be your authentic self around coworkers, family, or friends, it’s time to make changes.
I understand the desire to fit in and be accepted as an equal.
Changing this behavior can be challenging, especially if it’s due to a historically biased and bigoted culture. But despite the difficulties, it’s worth the effort.
It’s essential to honor and respect yourself to unleash your full potential. Only then can you become the person you’re meant to be.
How to Stop Unhealthy Code-Switching
Overcoming your instinct to code-switch when your identity feels threatened is challenging. It requires a few shifts.
- Determine when and why you code-switch.
This will help you determine when code-switching aligns with your values. You’ll also notice when it stifles your voice.
- Get clear on your values and who you are.
This isn’t something you can do once and never revisit. Introspection is a lifelong process. It helps you stay aligned with your goals and values.
- Get uncomfortable.
Code-switching can provide a sense of temporary comfort and safety. However, when you find yourself code-switching to protect an aspect of your identity that’s perceived negatively, it’s important to challenge that perception.
Every individual deserves respect and dignity, including yourself.
YOU are unique and special.
Embrace your individuality and use it to challenge discriminatory views.
Remember, our differences make us stronger. By staying true to yourself, you can make a difference in the world.
- Distance yourself from people and environments that make you feel the need to code-switch.
This isn’t always easy to do, especially if you need your job or you’re financially dependent on someone.
If you can’t immediately distance yourself, seek some professional help.
If you’re:
- Struggling with self-confidence.
- Having a hard time staying committed to your goals and values.
- Not sure who you want to be.
Expert guidance is exactly what you need.
Having someone who can empathize with your struggles and hold you accountable can make all the difference. By partnering with a master-certified coach, you can confidently overcome any obstacles and achieve your desired outcomes despite your circumstances.
An ICF Master Certified Coach’s Experience with Code-Switching
I used to engage in code-switching in both my professional and personal life.
As a Black man, I have often felt offended when people start using slang or “hood speak” when interacting with me. However, I must admit that I have also participated in code-switching to feel accepted.
When I was younger, I used to talk to my white male peers in a different way than I would to my fraternity brothers or people I had life-long relationships with, all to fit in and be accepted.
All people do this.
- Men do it when women walk in and join the group.
- Women do it when men join the conversation.
- We shift our language and tone when talking to different age groups.
- When we fear judgment or feel that others won’t accept us, we’re prone to self-sabotage.
However, just because it’s normal to code-switch in certain situations doesn’t mean it should become your default. I’ve learned the best thing to do to further my aspirations is to be true to myself and be the best version of who I am.
For many of us, this isn’t easy.
But it’s healthy and the cost of hiding our true selves is too great, for us and others.
So if you’ve lost yourself and need help rediscovering what you value in yourself and others, book a call with me. I’ve been there. And as the result of much introspection, I’ve learned how to effectively code-switch and avoid compromising my values.
I can help you do the same. If you’re currently pursuing bigger goals than ever before and you need help staying true to yourself, please reach out.
Bio – Dr. D Ivan Young is an expert on human behavior and relationships. He’s a Master Credentialed expert on personality type, an ICF credentialed Master Certified Coach, a Certified Professional Diversity Coach, and a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach. Dr. Young is also a member of the prestigious Forbes Coaches Council.