Heal Your Soul: How to Rediscover Yourself after a Breakup

by Dr. D Ivan Young, ICF Master Certified Coach

The path to heal your soul is not a linear, clear journey. Breaking up brings on a flurry of emotions.

Being single again is a stark contrast to the happiness you once felt when your connection to another was intact. The stability and comfort you felt in your long-term relationship are now gone.

Your relationship has come to an end and you can no longer rely on that person and what they gave you.

It’s normal to feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself.

It may be tempting to indulge in self-pity, anger, or compare yourself to others. However, dwelling on where you think you could or should be won’t help heal your soul.

As a professional who helps clients cope with loss, I prioritize their individual circumstances, and so should you. I encourage my clients not to play the blame game. Instead we focus on how each party contributed to the relationship’s end, from a non-judgemental viewpoint, and figure out how to move forward. Each party’s emotions, situation, process, and grief are unique to them.

That’s why I avoid using templates in my coaching business.

So if you’re dealing with loss and wondering if you’ll ever be able to heal your soul, keep reading.

Can You Heal Your Soul after Loss?

A breakup can be catastrophic to your sense of self and your life as a whole.

In many close relationships, there’s a cognitive shift in the way individuals view their sense of self. Their thoughts and decisions are based on the collective unit, instead of the individual¹.

So it’s confusing when you’re on your own after someone was a huge consideration or contributor to every decision you made.

My advice for how to heal your soul after a breakup is this. Accept and acknowledge whatever you’re feeling and take responsibility for your contribution to it. You might feel like you shouldn’t be feeling a certain way. But you are feeling it and it’s okay.

You might even feel relief. There’s no right way to feel since the grieving process will look different for everyone².

It’s easier to put the scales back on a fileted fish than it is to recover from a broken relationship. But you can heal your soul if you start by accepting your feelings and your process.

Acceptance of loss usually follows a downpour of emotions such as anger, remorse, denial, and of course, sadness³. The type of acceptance I’m talking about goes far beyond simply realizing things won’t go back to the way they were.

Acceptance means you move forward with the intention to heal your soul and use what you’ve been given to become a wiser, better version of yourself.

You might not feel like you can ever be whole again.

But healing doesn’t require eliminating or forgetting loss. You just have to be willing to adjust to your new reality and find a way forward.

How to Heal Your Soul – The Simplified Version

It’s completely normal to feel like you don’t know who you are after a breakup.

When someone has become a part of your core identity, it won’t feel good when they leave. However, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Once you’ve reached the point of acceptance, you can start to see that this isn’t a season of loss.

It’s a season of opportunity. And it begins with intentional introspection.

Disruption is the birthing stool for transformation. What you’re going through is offering you a chance to reexamine your vision for your life. This is the time to heal your soul, but it’s also about creating a better future for yourself.

So before you take action and make other huge choices with the potential to change your life, get clear on your vision by grabbing a pen and paper.

1. Write down where you are.

This is where you need to once again address your feelings about your breakup specifically, but also about your life.

Where are you in relation to your original goals for your life? Is your work aligned with your values? Are there other relationships that are preventing you from moving forward?

Zoom out, then zoom in on your habits and behaviors.

If you doubt the impact of writing your feelings down, studies have confirmed its beneficial effects on mood, physical well-being, and social functioning after a breakup⁴.

2. Write down who and where you want to be in the next six to twelve months.

Once you’ve identified what’s going on and what you want to change, you can figure out who you want to be.

You’re not going to heal your soul by staying the same. You’re meant to grow and evolve.

Sometimes you can’t see beyond the relationship you’re in and how it impacts your goals and vision for yourself.

Can you see who you want to be? If so, it’s time to take action.

Take Action

You can’t heal your soul without actively working to better yourself.

I’m not saying you did or didn’t do anything wrong in your relationship. Whatever the case, growing and becoming better versions of ourselves should always be the goal.

The loss just presents an opportunity to do that.

To become who you want and need to be, you have to do what you’ve never done and go where you’ve never gone. You have to redefine certain aspects of your life.

After all, you can’t heal your soul if you’re stuck in the past.

It can help to make small changes like:

Improving your daily routine.
Forming healthier habits.
Elevating your spiritual awareness.
Finding one thing to be grateful for each day.

Or major changes like:

Moving to a different location.
Ending other relationships that might be toxic or harmful.
Leveling up your skillset by taking classes or getting a certification in something you have a passion for.
Broadening your horizons by joining a new community or seeking out a different job.

But don’t make these big changes without a plan. Making decisions on a whim won’t help heal your soul. It’ll only confuse you and get you lost. Pinpoint your “why” first.

Whether you choose to take small steps or big steps, the only way to truly heal your soul is to deliberately reposition yourself for happiness and success.

You have to take action if you want something to happen.

What Are Healthy Habits for Healing?

While I emphasize that your healing journey will be different from anyone else’s journey, there are certain harmful behaviors and habits everyone should avoid.

These include:

Turning to drugs and alcohol.
Withdrawing from healthy relationships.
Making drastic changes without a plan.
Jumping into a new relationship.
Avoiding professional counseling or coaching.

None of these will help you heal your soul.

If you don’t take care of your mental and physical health, why would your soul fare any better?

Consider engaging in these activities:

Maintain your other relationships.
Continue hobbies you enjoy.
Try proven methods for improving your mental health and reducing stress – meditation and journaling are two great strategies for this.

Committing to your health will help you heal your soul a lot quicker than hiding and letting denial and despair rule your every move.

Need Help to Heal Your Soul? Consult an ICF Master Certified Coach

As you can see, there’s no quick and easy answer to “How do you heal your soul?”

What works for one person might not work for you. But following these steps helps you build the foundation for healing.

If you feel like you’ve tried everything, but you still aren’t where you want to be, book a free consultation with me. I’ll work with you to determine whether the changes you’re making are the ones that’ll help you further your efforts or keep you stuck.

https://drdivanyoung.com/contact-dr-d-ivan-young/

You can’t rely on others to heal your soul. It’s time to take responsibility for your life and what you do with it.

Bio – Dr. D Ivan Young is an expert on human behavior and relationships. He’s a Master Credentialed expert on personality type, an ICF credentialed Master Certified Coach, a Certified Professional Diversity Coach, and a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach. Dr. Young is also a member of the prestigious Forbes Coaches Council.

4. https://www.academia.edu/download/35848913/Lepore_P_H_2002.pdf