by Dr. D Ivan Young, ICF Master Certified Coach
You may have heard that being alone can be helpful.
If you’ve been alone for a while, this advice might make you feel frustrated or even depressed.
Being alone can be beneficial, but you have to know what to do with it. It’s important to understand how to make the most of this critical season in your life.
Think about it – how can you become your best self if you don’t know yourself?
Currently, there is a lot of talk about mindfulness and introspection. But if you struggle with being alone with your thoughts, these concepts may not be helpful. You need practical steps and straightforward advice to effectively manage this.
I aim to help clients improve their self-confidence and feel comfortable with themselves. This leads to better relationships with others and increased happiness.
It’s important to enjoy your own company. When you do, others are more likely to enjoy being around you too. In other words, if you don’t want to be alone with yourself, why would someone else want to be alone with you?
Why You Need to Address Your Loneliness
If you have become comfortable with being alone, that’s great. But if you don’t have the energy to try making genuine connections with others, that’s a different story.
It’s important to consider how you spend your alone time as it can have an impact on your physical health as well.
An analysis of several studies revealed that lonely individuals were 26% more likely to suffer an early death¹. However, individuals with known health conditions were present in 37% of these studies.
While loneliness appears to decline with age², you shouldn’t wait until your health has suffered to do something about it. A connection hasn’t been established between loneliness and health way later in life, so don’t give up hope if being alone is your current situation.
It’s important to prioritize your mental, physical, and emotional health. You can do this by actively connecting with others and pursuing happiness.
It’s worth noting that productive relationships don’t have to be romantic. You can find meaningful connection through long-term casual relationships. Friendships based on shared spiritual and cultural beliefs are incredibly fulfilling.
Being Alone Can Be Healthy
Taking time to be alone can provide an opportunity for reflection and relief from social pressures⁵.
However, it’s important to distinguish between temporary solitude and continuous isolation. It’s difficult to appreciate the benefits of solitude if you’ve been alone for a long period of time.
If you’ve tried various methods to end your loneliness and haven’t seen any improvement, seeking professional help may be a wise decision.
While changing your mindset is often recommended, it can be challenging to do on your own. Sometimes, seeking outside guidance can help you gain a broader perspective and make progress in the right direction.
When you know that being alone is not a permanent situation, you can find the motivation to work toward overcoming loneliness. Eventually, you can become comfortable being alone. Here are some ways to work towards this goal.
How to Be Okay Being Alone
So how do you move past struggling with being alone?
Investing in self-growth is the key to overcoming loneliness. Although it’s a lot of effort, your happiness is worth it.
Here are some areas to focus on:
- Start with introspection.
It may be uncomfortable to examine who you are and where you stand, but it’s a crucial step in personal growth. If you can name your problems, you’ll be better equipped to solve them.
Reflect on where you are in terms of your goals, particularly in relationships, self-care, and your career.
- Focus on physical self-care.
Taking care of your physical health is essential for your mental well-being. A study of university students found that increased physical activity contributed to reduced loneliness and better mental health³.
- Be intentional.
Being alone might drive you to make decisions that are detrimental to your happiness and health. It’s important to recognize when you’re making decisions based on your loneliness.
Let’s talk about this more, because these decisions have the potential to worsen your loneliness and derail your life.
Be Intentional
Being alone is better than being with the wrong people. Spending your time and energy on those who drain or exploit you can be worse than being lonely.
You should seek out relationships that are mutually beneficial. Otherwise, your loneliness will not go away.
When you’re lonely, it’s difficult to make decisions that are good for you. Maybe you feel like you don’t deserve anything good. You might accept the bare minimum because it seems like it’ll be better than what you currently feel.
So it’s unsurprising that loneliness is closely linked with self-destructive habits, such as drinking and overindulging in other ways⁴.
You may even subconsciously sabotage relationships that would be healthy because you aren’t sure how to handle real connections. You have to truly love and care for yourself, so you can recognize when someone else does.
It’s clear that making decisions out of fear of remaining alone is likely to lead to further dissatisfaction and loss of self.
The Power of Being Alone: Advice From an ICF Master Certified Coach
Taking some alone time can lead to self-discovery and redirection.
By reflecting on your current situation and goals, and learning to be comfortable with being alone, you can overcome the feeling of loneliness.
If you’re feeling stuck, contact me. As an ICF Master Certified Coach and human behavior specialist, I can assist you in unlocking your potential and achieving personal growth.
My coaching methods are based on research and designed to fit your unique situation. You won’t receive generic, biased advice. I recognize that everyone is different. I won’t assume that a solution that worked for someone else will work for you.
While I am here to support you, I will also be honest with you. Together, we can find a way forward that puts you on a better path. One that frees you from loneliness and its damaging effects.
Bio – Dr. D Ivan Young is an expert on human behavior and relationships. He’s a Master Credentialed expert on personality type, an ICF credentialed Master Certified Coach, a Certified Professional Diversity Coach, and a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach. Dr. Young is also a member of the prestigious Forbes Coaches Council.
PDF of specific study mentioned: https://scholarsarchive.byu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=3024&context=facpub