by Dr. D Ivan Young, ICF Master Certified Coach
Raise your hand if you’re in the middle of a major life change and want to run and hide.
I have a secret to share with you. Even if the change you’re experiencing is positive, it can still be stressful and overwhelming.
Don’t worry, this is completely normal.
Whether you’ve recently lost your job, want to leave a tumultuous relationship, or are feeling lost in your role as a parent, this article is for you.
If you’re at the point where you’re thinking “I just can’t do this anymore”, I’m going to help you out.
As a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, ICF Master Certified Coach and expert on relationships and human behavior, almost every one of my clients is making a major life change. Through coaching and my own experiences, there’s one thing I’ve learned about change.
Change is necessary for self-evolution.
You can’t avoid change. But you can learn how to deal with change in a way that doesn’t destroy your physical or mental health. And you can learn to use major life changes to your advantage.
But if change is so great, why does everyone seem to hate it?
Why Do We Resist Change?
Our lives frequently bring us to a point of change and it’s often not taken well.
Even a small change to your normal routine can feel threatening. This is because we’re literally hardwired to fight against change.
Stress related to change is perceived as a threat by your mind and body. This triggers the release of stress hormones by the brain, and our bodies prepare for a fight or flight response¹.
These physiological reactions are primal and can occur even in response to positive changes, inducing feelings of stress, anxiety and unease.
\While stress can be good for you, it can also be extremely detrimental to your health.
Stress can cause physical symptoms like headaches and stomachaches². It can also cause depression or a lack of motivation. Prolonged stress is the worst. This can create the foundation for everything from the onset of cancer to conditions like dysthymia and manic depressive disorder.
The damaging effects of stress are well-known, yet most of us struggle to manage it.
It’s good to be able to reduce your stress, especially stress related to major life changes. Whether you know change is coming, or it’s dropped on you out of nowhere, with proper coaching you can learn to handle the consequent stress.
Mindset and Major Life Changes
While it’s difficult to accept, change is a normal part of life.
If you can begin with understanding and accepting this fact, you’ll be better off when major life changes come your way.
You know that change is necessary. But if you don’t prepare to deal with it properly, you’re doing a disservice to yourself.
Simply changing your outlook on stress can actually improve your ability to cope with stressful changes. One study showed that those who adopt the mindset that stress can enhance rather than hinder were able to cope and perform better³. They also perceived a greater level of physical health and overall well-being. This is known as “self-efficacy.”
Your mindset is a key component of your ability to handle stressful events.
Major Life Changes That Can Destroy or Elevate You
Some changes are inevitable, while others you hope never happen to you.
So how do you view change as a positive when you’re experiencing something devastating?
Maybe you’re dealing with:
- The death of a loved one.
- The end of a long-term, committed relationship.
- The loss of your dream job.
- A financial setback.
There’s no easy answer to this. When you’re going through major life changes like the ones above, you’re not only experiencing stress. You’re also dealing with grief and other negative emotions.
If you’re dealing with the loss of a loved one, make sure you’re getting the support you need. This is a situation you have to handle in your own time and on your terms.
If you’ve lost your job or recently ended a relationship, there are mindset shifts you can make to ease the transition and maximize your growth.
If you’re experiencing a financial setback, there’s an opportunity to reassess and contemplate how to be more deliberate in the allocation of your resources.
Moving On
Sometimes you make the choice to end a relationship because you know it’s time to move on.
Other times, you don’t have any control over the situation and you’re left heartbroken.
This can occur in your professional life as well if you’re let go or decide to leave your position for any reason.
Either way, there’s an opportunity for you to experience significant growth and development.
When a relationship ends, you go through different stages. You might experience denial first, then anger, sadness, and acceptance. But there’s a crucial stage after acceptance that you don’t want to miss out on.
It’s the growth stage.
I’m going to go over how I help my clients work through these stages, as well as how I help them move forward and realize their growth potential.
How to Make the Best of Major Life Changes
These exercises work best if you do them before and after making a huge decision or after a major life change that was out of your control.
The first step is:
- Accept that the unfamiliar is intimidating.
I’m sure you saw that one coming.
You can’t prepare for every major life change. But you can be prepared to be uncomfortable and move past it.
When it comes to processing and managing our emotions, acceptance is the first step. But you can’t stay in this step forever.
- Write down your vision (yes, with a pen and paper) for where you want to be.
It’s well known that writing things down helps with memory retention, but it can also serve as motivation. When you write things down, your brain is more active in several areas⁴. It makes it easier to process emotions.
Compare and contrast where you want to be with where you are.
If you’re honest with yourself, this exercise will help you identify your areas of improvement. Then you can take action in these areas.
- Identify what’s holding you back (write it down!).
It’s likely there are several things preventing you from achieving your ideal life.
In relationships, it can be recurring arguments, a clash of values, or a difference in goals. Maybe it’s a physical obstacle, such as an addictive substance. Or you need to change location because your environment is detrimental to your happiness.
You’ll probably see multiple physical and mental blocks when you do this exercise.
- Get out of your own head and take action.
A lot of people get stuck in the thinking and envisioning phase. When you’re going through, or about to go through, a major life change, you have to take action.
If you need to make a change, start taking small steps toward it. If you were thrown into change, start rebuilding and focus on preparing for next time.
Don’t Allow Major Life Changes to Keep You Down
Major life changes aren’t always predictable, but you can assume that life will throw a few your way.
Only you can decide how you handle them.
Start with changing your mindset, then make sure your actions and habits are aligned with your goals. If a major life change hits you, accept, process, then take action.
Book a free call with me if you’re ready to take the first steps toward improving your well-being, health, and happiness. Your relationships – with yourself and others – will greatly benefit.
Bio – Dr. D Ivan Young is an expert on human behavior and relationships. He’s a Master Credentialed expert on personality type, an ICF credentialed Master Certified Coach, a Certified Professional Diversity Coach, and a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach. Dr. Young is also a member of the prestigious Forbes Coaches Council.
- https://nida.nih.gov/sites/default/files/NIDA_YR19_INS3_DownloadAll.pdf
- https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-symptoms/art-20050987
- https://research.usc.edu.au/esploro/fulltext/journalArticle/Changing-Stress-Mindsets-With-a-Novel/99450846402621?repId=12126644130002621&mId=13130039760002621&institution=61USC_INST