You Aren’t Alone: How to Deal with Stalkers

Are you being stalked, or suspect you’re being stalked? A stalker can be a family member, ex-spouse, someone you dated, a co-worker or even a complete stranger. They often engage in actions meant to control, track and/or frighten their victim. In addition to making your life miserable, having to deal with stalkers could place you into a potentially dangerous situation. This is because stalking often escalates from intimidation and harassment into more violent types of behavior. Many men and women fear they are being stalked, but do not know how to handle it. The first thing to know is that help is available, so don’t try to deal with it alone.

What is stalking?

Stalking is often defined as a pattern of behavior in which one person inflicts upon another repeated, unwanted intrusions and communications to the extent that the victim fears for his or her safety, the safety of their family and friends, or the safety of their property. In many states, including Texas, stalking is a felony crime. Penalties for being convicted of stalking in Texas can range from 2 – 20 years and up to a $10,000 fine.

Ways that stalkers may try to intimidate their victims include:

  • Displaying obsessive/compulsive behavior towards their victim.
  • Following their victims wherever they go, maintaining surveillance, using technology to track their movements
  • Property damage
  • Trespassing
  • Unwanted communication with their victims via telephone, letters, internet, graffiti, etc.
  • Leaving gifts or offerings for their victims
  • Spreading rumors or posting false information online about their victim
  • Showing up at any time, anywhere the victim is: work, home, school, etc.
  • Threatening violence against their victim, as well as the victim’s family, friends, co-workers or pets.
  • Cyberbullying
  • Make terroristic threats
  • Ignoring boundaries (including court issued restraining orders)

According to one study, an estimated 15.2% of women (18.3 million women) and 5.7% of men (or nearly 6.5 million) in the United States have been forced to deal with stalkers that made them feel very fearful or made them believe that they or someone close to them would be harmed or killed. Women are overwhelmingly stalked by men; for men, the number is split between male (48%) and female stalkers (44%). Men and women aged 18 – 24 have to deal with stalkers at the highest rates. 25% of female victims and 32% of male victims of stalking have been stalked by an acquaintance; only about 1 in 5 people who have had to deal with stalkers were targeted by a stranger.

How do you deal with stalkers?

Stalking can start out as relatively harmless but can escalate into life-threatening danger. If you are being stalked, it’s important to take action and deal with stalkers immediately.

Under no circumstances should anyone agree to meet or try to deal with stalkers in person. It could put you in a dangerous situation as well as weaken any legal case you may have against the person stalking you. However, simply ignoring them is not an effective way to deal with stalkers.

Law enforcement is the people who are equipped to deal with stalkers. Some states, such as Texas, take stalking very seriously. All stalking incidents should be reported to the police. Keep records of when and where the stalking incidents took place, remembering also to get the names and contact information from any witnesses. Preserve any evidence (including emails, photographs, videos, etc.) you might have. The more evidence they have, the more effectively prosecutors can deal with stalkers.

Be aware of your personal safety. Avoid places where you might be accosted by the stalker. Carry a cell phone with you at all times. Consider improving your home security with alarms and video cameras. If you are comfortable with the idea, you may want to deal with stalkers by carrying mace or a firearm as a means of defense.

Talk to someone. Conversations about how you’re being stalked might be uncomfortable, but reaching out to friends and family for help is an important step in dealing with stalkers. You may also want to consider professional counseling as well.

It’s always important to remember people who have to deal with stalkers are not to blame.

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