by Dr. D Ivan Young, ICF Master Certified Coach
New relationships can bring on a flurry of emotions. Add other stakeholders and it exponentially amplifies the potential for disruption. One thing is certain, the stakes are much higher when your relationship might lead to a blended family.
Initially, your excitement for a chance at love can easily overshadow any potential consequences. Most people tend to not think about the long term.
It’s easy to date someone who has children or a dependent relative, as long as you can return to the safety of your own environment. But if your relationship is ready to go beyond the dating stage, you can’t take an out of sight, out of mind approach.
So how do you know you’re prepared to join a blended family?
As with any relationship, honesty with yourself and your partner goes a long way.
You don’t have to, and shouldn’t, wait until you have issues in your relationship to seek out a professional to help you plan for your future. Counseling for blended families can ensure you start your new life together with honesty and understanding.
I’ve helped couples in different situations figure out how to navigate their new dynamic. My goal is to empower my clients to be open and understanding with all parties concerned, especially themselves. No one should push you to make a certain decision. I help you figure out how to work with your partner to make the right decision for all involved.
There are several points to consider when you’re trying to figure out if you’re ready to commit to someone and everything that comes with them.
How to Make a Blended Family Work
Like any other family, blended families have issues. Every family is unique, but there are certain challenges that might affect your relationship if children or dependents are involved. Common issues with blended families can include:
- Different parenting styles.
- Disagreements between children (yours and theirs or them and you).
- The emotional fallout from a loss or breakup.
- Triangulation.
These issues can be present in any family, but they tend to be more common in blended families¹.
There’s an adjustment period you have to be aware of if your partner has children. If you’re the one with children from a previous relationship, you’ll likely be more aware of this.
If one or both of you has children and you’re ready to commit to a blended family, it’s important to check in with your own emotions and boundaries. At the same time, you should consider your partner and their children. You can’t force a relationship with your partner’s children and you can’t make your children instantly warm up to a new person in their lives.
Patience, communication, and honesty are essential if you want your new blended family to find a rhythm².
How Do You Know if You’re Ready for a Blended Family?
Whenever you’re facing a challenge or major change in your relationship, you have to set aside your fear of disappointing your partner.
You’re entering uncharted territory and you have to ensure you know how you feel and where you’re coming from so you can properly communicate. You have to be honest with yourself to prevent avoidable misunderstandings and disappointment. Self-awareness is key to improving the quality of your relationships in your new blended family if you decide to commit³.
So before you make any decisions:
- Have an honest conversation with yourself.
- Talk to your partner about expectations and non-negotiables.
- Accept the uphill battle.
- Understand it’s a marathon, not a sprint.
What do you have the capacity for? Are you prepared to make sacrifices and changes?
If you’ve never had children or your children have recently moved out, you have to consider how this decision will impact you emotionally and logistically.
Romantic evenings with the door open may turn into stressful evenings behind closed doors. Your time is your own now – but that’ll change. This new change can be exciting if it’s what you want.
You owe it to your partner and all who will be impacted by your decision to figure it out.
But before you take yourself out of the race, discuss expectations with your partner. You might be worried about taking on responsibility that your partner doesn’t expect or want you to take on.
Always be upfront about your non-negotiables and don’t make any sacrifices that will lead you to feel resentful. When you’re bringing a blended family together – the stakes are high and the potential fallout affects everyone involved.
Assess Your Own Situation
There are unique situations that may prevent you from being able to emotionally take on this huge change.
If you’ve recently experienced:
- A divorce or breakup.
- The death of your partner or another loved one.
- A change in your living situation – such as becoming an empty nester.
- A change for the better or worse financially.
Then it might be too soon to make a major life decision such as forming a blended family.
If your children are older and have left the house, but your partner has children in diapers, are you ready to go back to that stage and the commitment that comes with it?
Have you healed enough from your previous relationship to give your all to someone new? Can you avoid carrying your baggage into your relationship with them and their children? If you have children – are you willing to have patience as they adjust to someone new in their home?
These are all questions worth asking yourself if you’re thinking of making another major commitment.
Make the Right Choice for Yourself
All successful intimate relationships are built on communication and understanding. And all relationships require a certain degree of sacrifice. It’s up to you to decide what you’re willing to sacrifice and what you can handle.
A blended family can bring great happiness, but it can also be challenging.
Make sure you’re prepared to take on new responsibilities and consistently communicate with your partner. You’re not the only one who will be affected by your decision.
If you’re struggling to navigate your relationship or find clarity to make the right decision, book a call with me. I help my clients develop confidence in themselves and their decision-making process.
Bio – Dr. D Ivan Young is an expert on human behavior and relationships. He’s a Master Credentialed expert on personality type, an ICF credentialed Master Certified Coach, a Certified Professional Diversity Coach, and a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach. Dr. Young is also a member of the prestigious Forbes Coaches Council.