Tag: Couples Therapy

How to Have a Healthy Romantic Relationship – Even with a Difficult Past

How to Have a Healthy Romantic Relationship – Even with a Difficult Past

Posted on by Dr. D Ivan Young

by Dr. D Ivan Young, ICF Master Certified Coach

What does a healthy romantic relationship look like?

The work required to form and maintain a healthy romantic relationship is not as easy – or quick –- as movies and TV shows make it seem.

Have you tried putting two random things together? You’re two people, with different experiences, beliefs, backgrounds, and personalities. You can’t expect cohesion right away. 

It’s crucial to establish a solid foundation if you want a healthy, lasting relationship. 

A healthy romantic relationship revolves around mutual respect, tolerance, and acceptance. You must commit to improving yourself. Then you can learn to work through challenges together. 

Why Should You Take My Advice?

Over the last two decades, I’ve coached many couples in navigating their individual and collective issues. 

There’s one constant I’ve noticed. Those who find success in love are the ones who are willing to humble themselves and put their egos aside. They invest their time and resources into the relationship.

Mature love is a difficult choice that must be made repeatedly, moment by moment, day in and day out.

As a Master Certified Coach and relationship expert, I’ve seen relationships built on infatuation and physical attraction fall apart as quickly as they begin. Physical attraction is essential for relationship health. But much more is required to form a healthy romantic relationship that lasts. 

The definition of a healthy romantic relationship might vary slightly. But there are characteristics and skills that can help you measure your relationship competence. 

But first, why are healthy romantic relationships, and relationships in general, so important?

The Importance of Healthy Relationships

It’s a fact that social relationships impact our physical and mental well-being.

Healthy social ties have been linked to more positive health behaviors. They also contribute to improved psychological well-being and better physical health¹. A lot of factors influence health and well-being, but relationships are particularly essential. 

Healthy romantic relationship functioning has been linked to:

  • Healthier decision-making for both men and women².
  • Greater relationship satisfaction and a higher sense of security. 
  • Emotional/mental well-being – including reduced depression and anxiety symptoms.
  • Good physical health and longevity³. 

If you’re married or in a long-term committed partnership, relationship problems can undermine your health. 

Poor relationship health can manifest in many different ways.  

  • Stress that leads to physiological responses that grind down your body’s systems. Examples are high blood pressure and increased heart rate. 
  • Attempts to reduce stress through unhealthy coping habits, like drinking or smoking.
  • Depression or anxiety from consistent conflict in the relationship.

The key is to form healthy romantic relationships and friendships. You shouldn’t avoid relationships completely. 

So what’s the definition of a healthy romantic relationship?

Skills for a Healthy Romantic Relationship

You probably have an idea of what a healthy romantic relationship includes. 

There are certain characteristics that stand out such as:

  • Trust.
  • Communication. 
  • Support and respect. 

A healthy romantic relationship can slightly differ from one couple to the next. However, these skills and traits are undeniably important for a healthy, happy relationship. 

Let’s break these down. 

Trust in a Healthy Romantic Relationship

You get to decide what your boundaries are, individually and collectively. This is why trust might look different for everyone.

Building a solid foundation with trust requires discussing your needs, values, and expectations. 

Trust is often developed over time. It can be difficult to trust someone, especially if you’ve had damaging experiences.

It’s well-known that unhealthy relationships throughout childhood and adolescence, especially with primary caregivers, can impact one’s ability to form and maintain healthy relationships⁴. 

But it’s something you can work on if this is the case for you. 

Some ways to develop trust in your relationship include:

  • Doing what you say you’ll do. 
  • Being there for each other, especially during challenging times. 
  • Resolving any trust and attachment issues by getting help from a qualified professional. 
  • Keeping the lines of communication open.
  • Maintaining your commitments regardless of your feelings at a given moment in time.

Respectful communication is one of the most essential requirements for a healthy relationship. 

Stable Communication 

Communication in a healthy romantic relationship will differ depending on your communication styles. 

However, there are the usual signs that communication between you and your partner is healthy. 

Effective communication usually involves:

  • Listening to what the other person is saying and trying to understand. 
  • Avoiding derogatory or harmful language or gestures.
  • Trying to work toward the best solution for both parties, instead of focusing on who’s right or wrong. 
  • Expressing forgiveness and not holding grudges. 
  • Practicing empathy and compassion toward your partner, during and after a disagreement.
  • Acknowledging your role in the disagreement. 

And when you can’t agree, make it your mission to respect and honor your partner’s perspective.

If verbal or physical abuse are involved, you should seek help. These are not characteristics of a healthy relationship.

Respectful communication is one way of supporting your partner and strengthening your relationship.

Support and Respect in a Healthy Romantic Relationship

Trust and communication are two building blocks of support and mutual respect.

You’re setting your relationship up for success if: 

  • You’re willing to listen to each other. 
  • You show empathy even when you disagree.
  • You show up for each other.

You can show up in your relationship in many different ways to support and respect your partner. 

Maybe you take on extra chores when your partner is going through a difficult time. 

Or you check in with each other weekly about your goals, needs, and what you want to improve. 

It can look like being intentional about spending quality time together every day. 

Maintaining a healthy romantic relationship is hard work. It’s crucial to be honest with each other and work together if you want it to last. And you have to be clear on what you want before you expect someone else to give it to you. 

Setting Healthy Romantic Relationship Expectations

What happens when your checked boxes result in empty containers?

If your laundry list of expectations is superficial, this is likely to happen.

So if one of your goals is to establish a healthy romantic relationship, there are a few things you should get clear on beforehand.

  • Values and beliefs. 
  • Personal and professional aspirations. 
  • Your ideal lifestyle. 
  • Financial expectations and contributions to the relationship.

While these can change over time, they’re essential to keep in mind as you search for a life partner. Knowing your non-negotiables and goals can save you a lot of time, energy, and pain.  

How I Can Help You Solidify Your Relationships as an ICF Master Certified Coach

As I work with clients in my practice, we explore five key areas to ensure you’re prepared to be a productive partner. 

  1. Personality type.
  2. Family history.
  3. Core and cultural values.
  4. Validation systems.
  5. Psychological triggers.

But this is only the beginning. 

I usually discuss these details with my clients within the first 90 to 120 days of working together.

There are two reasons for this. 

  1. How can you address something you aren’t aware of?
  2. When we address these details, I can make sure my opinions and preferences don’t lead the way. 

Not addressing these things would be like going to the gym and only working on the parts of your body that you like. You must perfect things that you do well, but you also have to identify what needs your attention. 

So if you’re struggling to form healthy relationships, book a call with me. Also reach out if you’re in a relationship and you need help strengthening your connection.

Contact Dr. D. Ivan Young

There’s no amount of dinners or romantic getaways that can solve your problems for you. 

If you and your partner commit to the work, you have the potential for a healthy romantic relationship that withstands life’s many challenges. 

Bio – Dr. D Ivan Young is an expert on human behavior and relationships. He’s a Master Credentialed expert on personality type, an ICF credentialed Master Certified Coach, a Certified Professional Diversity Coach, and a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach. Dr. Young is also a member of the prestigious Forbes Coaches Council.   

  1. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/epdf/10.1177/0022146510383501?src=getftr 
  1. https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Shaina-Kumar/publication/313406102_Romantic_competence_healthy_relationship_functioning_and_well-being_in_emerging_adults_Romantic_competence/links/5c1bb500299bf12be38d2209/Romantic-competence-healthy-relationship-functioning-and-well-being-in-emerging-adults-Romantic-competence.pdf 
  1. https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Kurt-Hahlweg/publication/46123953_Assisting_couples_to_develop_healthy_relationships_Effects_of_couples_relationship_education_on_cortisol/links/6050aa58299bf1736748ea2b/Assisting-couples-to-develop-healthy-relationships-Effects-of-couples-relationship-education-on-cortisol.pdf 
  1. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S014521342100301X 
Are You Prepared for the Ups and Downs of a Blended Family?

Are You Prepared for the Ups and Downs of a Blended Family?

Posted on by Dr. D Ivan Young

by Dr. D Ivan Young, ICF Master Certified Coach 

New relationships can bring on a flurry of emotions. Add other stakeholders and it exponentially amplifies the potential for disruption. One thing is certain, the stakes are much higher when your relationship might lead to a blended family.  

Initially, your excitement for a chance at love can easily overshadow any potential consequences. Most people tend to not think about the long term. 

It’s easy to date someone who has children or a dependent relative, as long as you can return to the safety of your own environment. But if your relationship is ready to go beyond the dating stage, you can’t take an out of sight, out of mind approach. 

So how do you know you’re prepared to join a blended family?

As with any relationship, honesty with yourself and your partner goes a long way.

You don’t have to, and shouldn’t, wait until you have issues in your relationship to seek out a professional to help you plan for your future. Counseling for blended families can ensure you start your new life together with honesty and understanding. 

I’ve helped couples in different situations figure out how to navigate their new dynamic. My goal is to empower my clients to be open and understanding with all parties concerned, especially themselves. No one should push you to make a certain decision. I help you figure out how to work with your partner to make the right decision for all involved.

There are several points to consider when you’re trying to figure out if you’re ready to commit to someone and everything that comes with them. 

How to Make a Blended Family Work

Like any other family, blended families have issues. Every family is unique, but there are certain challenges that might affect your relationship if children or dependents are involved. Common issues with blended families can include:

  • Different parenting styles. 
  • Disagreements between children (yours and theirs or them and you). 
  • The emotional fallout from a loss or breakup.
  • Triangulation.  

These issues can be present in any family, but they tend to be more common in blended families¹. 

There’s an adjustment period you have to be aware of if your partner has children. If you’re the one with children from a previous relationship, you’ll likely be more aware of this. 

If one or both of you has children and you’re ready to commit to a blended family, it’s important to check in with your own emotions and boundaries. At the same time, you should consider your partner and their children. You can’t force a relationship with your partner’s children and you can’t make your children instantly warm up to a new person in their lives. 

Patience, communication, and honesty are essential if you want your new blended family to find a rhythm². 

How Do You Know if You’re Ready for a Blended Family?

Whenever you’re facing a challenge or major change in your relationship, you have to set aside your fear of disappointing your partner. 

You’re entering uncharted territory and you have to ensure you know how you feel and where you’re coming from so you can properly communicate. You have to be honest with yourself to prevent avoidable misunderstandings and disappointment. Self-awareness is key to improving the quality of your relationships in your new blended family if you decide to commit³. 

So before you make any decisions:

  • Have an honest conversation with yourself. 
  • Talk to your partner about expectations and non-negotiables.
  • Accept the uphill battle.
  • Understand it’s a marathon, not a sprint.

What do you have the capacity for? Are you prepared to make sacrifices and changes?

If you’ve never had children or your children have recently moved out, you have to consider how this decision will impact you emotionally and logistically. 

Romantic evenings with the door open may turn into stressful evenings behind closed doors. Your time is your own now – but that’ll change. This new change can be exciting if it’s what you want. 

You owe it to your partner and all who will be impacted by your decision to figure it out.

But before you take yourself out of the race, discuss expectations with your partner. You might be worried about taking on responsibility that your partner doesn’t expect or want you to take on. 

Always be upfront about your non-negotiables and don’t make any sacrifices that will lead you to feel resentful. When you’re bringing a blended family together – the stakes are high and the potential fallout affects everyone involved. 

Assess Your Own Situation

There are unique situations that may prevent you from being able to emotionally take on this huge change. 

If you’ve recently experienced:

  • A divorce or breakup.
  • The death of your partner or another loved one.
  • A change in your living situation – such as becoming an empty nester.
  • A change for the better or worse financially.

Then it might be too soon to make a major life decision such as forming a blended family.

If your children are older and have left the house, but your partner has children in diapers, are you ready to go back to that stage and the commitment that comes with it?

Have you healed enough from your previous relationship to give your all to someone new? Can you avoid carrying your baggage into your relationship with them and their children? If you have children – are you willing to have patience as they adjust to someone new in their home?

These are all questions worth asking yourself if you’re thinking of making another major commitment. 

Make the Right Choice for Yourself

All successful intimate relationships are built on communication and understanding. And all relationships require a certain degree of sacrifice. It’s up to you to decide what you’re willing to sacrifice and what you can handle. 

A blended family can bring great happiness, but it can also be challenging. 

Make sure you’re prepared to take on new responsibilities and consistently communicate with your partner. You’re not the only one who will be affected by your decision. 

If you’re struggling to navigate your relationship or find clarity to make the right decision, book a call with me. I help my clients develop confidence in themselves and their decision-making process. 

Individual Coaching | Balance Your Life

Bio – Dr. D Ivan Young is an expert on human behavior and relationships. He’s a Master Credentialed expert on personality type, an ICF credentialed Master Certified Coach, a Certified Professional Diversity Coach, and a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach. Dr. Young is also a member of the prestigious Forbes Coaches Council.  

  1. https://www.webmd.com/parenting/what-is-a-blended-family 
  2. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/family-dynamics/blended-family 

3. https://www.forbes.com/sites/gingergentile/2021/04/21/blended-but-not-broken-step-families/?sh=39b2201541e7

Relationship and Marriage Finances: How to Create the Best Plan For You

Relationship and Marriage Finances: How to Create the Best Plan For You

Posted on by Dr. D Ivan Young

Now that you’ve found the right person for you, you’re thinking about all the things you need to build a life together. 

At this point, you think you know almost everything about each other. But do you really? Most individuals and couples avoid the topic of money. It can be uncomfortable to talk about. And it’s even more uncomfortable making a decision that works for both of you. 

Like most people, you want to avoid conversations that might be stressful until you need to have them. You might be afraid to talk to your partner about critical issues. Issues like relationship or marriage finances, where you’ll live, and parenting.

If that’s the case, it’s essential to move past your fears by exploring why you’re afraid.  

You’ll either find that your fear is unjustified, or you’ll need to work it out. Either way, how you resolve – or don’t resolve – these conflicts will help you determine what to do. You’ll know if your relationship is ready for the next level or if it has potential. Then you can make an informed decision about your relationship.

Relationships and finances, in particular, are two daunting responsibilities in their own right. But dealing with finances when married or cohabiting is a feat that can be catastrophic for the closest couples. 

Pre-marital/pre-cohabitation coaching is an effective option for couples who desire actionable advice. Even if you’re great with communication, relationship coaching can provide new insights. From small issues to critical matters. 

As a Master Certified Coach, I frequently help couples and individuals identify core values and blind spots. It’s unwise to leave the success of your relationship up to chance. 

No one plans to fail – but many fail to plan. 

Why Pre-marriage / Pre-cohabitation Counseling Helps With Finances (And in General)

Different core values, uneven incomes, and inherited beliefs surrounding money can create discord. And even the strongest relationships can be ended when topics like money aren’t discussed until after they become an issue.

One survey revealed that the divorce rate for couples who received counseling before marriage was 31% lower than that of couples without counseling¹. 

This isn’t surprising. Couples willing to get assistance with solving their issues are more likely to have lasting relationships. Relationship coaching can help you with communication and conflict resolution. And it may unearth some areas where your relationship can improve².  

Suddenly sharing everything you’ve previously kept to yourself is new territory. And since you’re starting a new life with your partner, you may not know what to expect. Managing relationship or marriage finances is usually challenging. More so than managing your own money.

It makes a significant difference when you discuss expectations and devise a plan to resolve financial disagreements before they happen. 

Why Is It Important to Discuss Marriage and Finances?

Even if finances aren’t an issue for you now, a lot can change once you decide to share your life – and resources – with another person. This is especially true if you’re a High Net Worth Individual or have a high income. Let’s go over an example:

  • Joint vs. separate finances: you’ll find that this usually isn’t black and white. 

Will you keep your finances completely separate? This could lead to resentment if one person is willing to contribute more money. Especially if it’s for household or practical expenses. 

Or maybe you want to share everything. You’ll run into issues if one of you is a big spender, while the other is an enthusiastic saver. 

If you want to have a joint account and separate accounts – you still might have a difficult time. You’ll have to figure out which expenses to split. Maybe one of you only needs a cheap $20 haircut every month – while the other spends $100 with every trip to the hairstylist. 

Regardless of how you choose to approach your partnership or marriage finances, you won’t be able to avoid the conversation. And you shouldn’t try to. 

There’s no right answer for how to handle your finances when married or cohabiting. Each couple’s situation is unique. This is why financial coaching can be a game-changer for your relationship. 

What Should You Discuss When It Comes to Relationship/Marriage Finances?

There are several factors to consider when you discuss how to approach your finances in marriage or committed relationships.

  1. Do your spending habits differ from your partner’s habits?

If you spend money like it’s a neverending resource – while your partner holds onto money like it might disappear – you’ll experience a lot of frustration. 

You’re likely to have disagreements about which purchases are essential. You might become frustrated if your partner spends less money on you than you spend on them. You also might become resentful if you have to repeatedly loan your partner money due to their careless or reckless spending habits. 

Knowing the truth about your and your partner’s spending habits is crucial for #2.

  1. How much control are you willing to give over your resources? 

If you trust your partner with their money and yours, you may decide to combine your finances. But this can often lead to trouble.

Will there be a power imbalance if your partner earns significantly more than you? A huge difference in income can lead to unequal authority in your marriage. It’s up to you and your partner to determine whether you’ll have an equal say over your finances – even if your income is uneven. 

And once again, if your spending habits are completely different, sharing finances might be an issue. 

Imagine you or your significant other wants to buy the same outfit in ten different colors. You better ensure your partner is ok with that. Especially if you’re using their resources to fund your lifestyle. 

  1. How much access will you have to inherited resources? 

If you inherit an impressive estate from your aunt Joan, will your partner share in that? 

Situations like this won’t occur often, but it’s still important to be prepared. Figure out if you’re willing to share and how much. Your partner might assume they’re entitled to half. You might not share that perspective. 

This list doesn’t cover everything you should consider when discussing marriage finances or relationship finances. But it’s a solid place to start. 

Should You Seek Cohabitation or Marriage Financial Coaching?

If you and your partner want to tackle potential financial issues before they arise, signing up for couples coaching is an intelligent choice. Ideally, you’ll want to discuss other crucial topics as well. But shared resources and finances when married or in a relationship can be especially tricky to figure out. 

Financial arguments are one of the leading causes of breakups, but you can get in front of this issue³. Whether you choose to share everything or sign a prenup to keep everything separate, you and your partner can avoid misunderstandings by discussing finances. 

I’ve helped many clients work through financial concerns by identifying and addressing core values and exploring inherited beliefs and spending habits. I also help you determine if or when it’s appropriate to share resources. 

It’s critical to confront sensitive subjects that could lead to disharmony. Book a call with me to face your financial concerns and avoid unnecessary disagreements in your relationship.

drdivanyoung.com/contact-dr-d-ivan-young/

Dr. D Ivan Young is an expert on human behavior and relationships. He’s a Master Credentialed expert on personality type, an ICF Credentialed Master Certified Coach Certified Professional Diversity Coach, and a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach. Dr. Young is also a member of the prestigious Forbes Coaches Council.

  1. https://phys.org/news/2006-06-premarital-divorce.html 
  2. https://chhs.source.colostate.edu/is-premarital-counseling-worth-it/ 
  3. https://www.thejimenezlawfirm.com/how-finances-affect-divorce-rates-in-america/#:~:text=Money%20arguments%20are%20the%20second,all%20marriages%20start%20in%20debt. 



Are You Abandoning Your Common Sense for the Sake of “Love”?

Are You Abandoning Your Common Sense for the Sake of “Love”?

Posted on by Dr. D Ivan Young

You’ve had measurable success. You’ve achieved your financial goals and more. But one thing that continues to evade you – a healthy, authentic relationship with your ideal partner. 

As a high-net-worth individual, do you fear that people will be attracted to your money but not to you?  Have you had partners that became possessive of you and your money? Or do they have expectations and spending habits that make you wonder if they’re taking advantage of your access to financial resources? 

That can be a very isolating experience. 

Forming genuine relationships as a wealthy individual is nearly impossible if you don’t work on your relationship with yourself.  And it can be challenging to learn how to manage the stresses – both internal and external – related to protecting your assets and your overall happiness. 

 

As an ICF Master Certified Coach, I’ve worked with high-profile, high-net-worth individuals to help them navigate their mental health, relationships, and reputation.

Here are a few reasons why it’s crucial to seek a highly experienced coach as a high-net-worth individual. 

 

How Can You Have a Successful Relationship Without Loving Yourself?

We often enter relationships out of desperation, fear, or loneliness. Our ultimate goal is to find someone that we truly connect with. Someone that has our best interest at heart. This can be difficult to achieve when you have assets and a reputation that attracts those with bad intentions. 

So why do we tend to choose partners who are the opposite of this ideal partner we have imagined for ourselves? Rushing into relationships is often a result of our desire for others to fill a void that we should be filling ourselves.

Think about it – how often in a new relationship do you ask yourself “why”? Why do I want this relationship? Is this person right for me? Why do I want to continue this relationship?

The answers to these questions will change depending on what season of life you’re in. You might assume that you would ask yourself the more important questions later in life. You might think you are naturally supposed to become better at choosing your ideal partner. 

This is not always the case. 

In fact, the further along you are in life, the more you have to lose by entering into a relationship. So is it safe to assume that when you have more to lose, you’ll make better decisions and become more thoughtful with your relationships? Sometimes, yes. 

But most of the time, your desire to find the perfect partner clouds your judgment and subconsciously urges you to ignore red flags. It’s hard to determine who wants to be with you for who you are and not your success and fortune.

And if you’re a high-net-worth individual with physical assets to lose, some are chomping at the bit to exploit you and your resources. They swoop in and prey on your isolation and your vulnerability. 

And because you are so receptive to someone to filling the void, you may be prone to ignoring all signals that this person does not have your best interest in mind.

 

What Happens When You Date for the Wrong Reasons? 

What you put out, you get back. 

What happens when you put yourself out there before you’re ready? When you feel hopeless for companionship and connection? You invite the wrong type of relationships. We let our desires – sexual and emotional – fog up our lenses. 

Let’s think about this. When you go to the grocery store hungry, are you likely to choose food that’s good for you? Or are you going to see those chips and pastries on the shelf and make a grab for them simply because you’re hungry? Probably the latter. 

So how do we avoid this? Don’t shop hungry. 

The same applies when searching for your ideal partner. Don’t date while you’re hungry for approval. Desperate for love that you don’t give to yourself. Starved for attention. 

Work on yourself before you commit to a relationship. Because relationships take work. And if you enter into a relationship that requires work – while also working on mending the broken pieces of yourself – you’re going to burn out. 

Your unreconciled issues create blind spots. And those blind spots lead you into relationships you would never set foot in as a healthy, healed individual. Or, you enter a relationship with someone ideal, but you can’t accept what they offer, so you sabotage the relationship. 

 

This is where I come in for my clients. I assist them with identifying blind spots while helping them find the best way forward. 

The truth is – people who are hurting tend to hurt other people. If you are unhappy or insecure with who you are, how are you supposed to appreciate when someone else sees what you don’t? 

Odds are, you won’t even recognize the value of a relationship with them. When you have no idea how to treat yourself with respect, how can you truly appreciate someone who does? 

 

What Does This Mean for You?

Don’t enter into a relationship and expect to be treated properly before you know how to love and treat yourself. Consider this – You wouldn’t take the chicken out of the fryer too early and eat it raw. The same holds true for dating. Instead, follow the “wisdom in dating”  recipe and thoroughly bake your issues until they’re edible. 

If you can’t love and accept yourself, you can’t expect anybody else to.

So when you’re looking for your ideal partner, figure out if they’re also working on themselves. Are they seeing a life coach? Are they going to therapy? Are they attempting to resolve their deeply-rooted issues to better themselves as an individual and as a potential partner?

 

My Concierge Coaching Program was created for individuals like you who desire companionship but need help managing the daily stresses of being a high-net-worth individual. 

You deserve to form healthy relationships while protecting yourself and your assets. Book a coaching session with me today. 


https://drdivanyoung.com/high-net-worth-ultra-high-net-worth-individual-concierge-coaching-program/ 

Saying “I Do” to Marriage Counseling

Saying “I Do” to Marriage Counseling

Posted on by Dr. D Ivan Young

What’s wrong with us that we’re constantly in need of help all the time? Marriage Counseling

It turns out that’s the wrong way to approach the question. There’s nothing wrong with you per se, but you might be engaged in habits that are mildly (or significantly) self-destructive or harmful to others who are in a relationship with you. These don’t even have to be particularly pronounced, which often makes them quite hard to pin down without some intervention, often marriage counseling is the key to discovery and healing.

Large-scale conferences like self-help seminars tend to take a lot of flak for allegedly being devoid of any real methods of self-improvement, instead opting for empty idealism. But, it really comes down to a matter of perspective. The same thing is true of marriage counseling or couples’ therapy for non-married partners. The idea is the see things from a different viewpoint.

But be cautious of self-help seminars with quick fixes and programs that promise results. Be diligent and thorough when choosing a marriage counselor, after all, they are protecting a very important asset, your relationship.

It is important to keep the following points in mind when seeking marriage counseling:

Find a qualified, experienced therapist

There are a plethora of therapists who offer marriage counseling, but not all of them are experts in counseling couples. Many counselors will offer marriage counseling simply because they’ve handled general therapy before and think it’s an easy transition. It might be, but that doesn’t mean they’re offering their clients the best possible treatment. If you think you need marriage counseling and are looking for the right therapist to lead your sessions, ask your potential therapist if they’ve obtained the proper training in cooperative communication and conflict resolution. If not, they might not be offering the most beneficial treatment for your relationship.

Consider Pre-Wedding Marriage Counseling

As you’re locking in plans for the dinner, the dessert, the DJ and the decor, it might be a good idea to also devote some time to counseling. Pre-wedding therapy tends to shed light on all the jitters, hesitations and reservations, so these concerns can be openly discussed prior to being married. It’s a big misconception that couples’ therapy is only for those whose relationships are on the rocks and taking time to meet before the wedding can often prevent those kinds of problems in the future.

Marriage Counseling can be a Gateway to PTSD Treatment

As the nation copes with skyrocketing instances of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, especially in returning soldiers, this is one of the most important revelations about marriage counseling that’s surfaced.

There are many reasons why someone who is potentially afflicted with PTSD wouldn’t want to seek out help, and they’re all understandable. The stigma. The shock. The looks. But for married folks, PTSD can drive a wedge between the couple and marriage counseling can often be a great way to gain an entryway into the mind of your partner with PTSD.

Remember, your relationship does not need to be in trouble in order to seek marriage counseling. Improving communication between you and your partner will only make the relationship stronger and allow you to become closer. You have found the person you want to share your life with, now take the time to find the support team that can help you foster and grow your marriage.

 

Can a Marriage Counselor Help You?

Can a Marriage Counselor Help You?

Posted on by Dr. D Ivan Young

According to The National Center for Fathering, “Children from fatherless homes are more likely to be poor, become involved in drug and alcohol abuse, drop out of school, and suffer from health and emotional problems. Boys are more likely to become involved in crime, and girls are more likely to become pregnant as teens.” Marriage Counselor

Unfortunately, many young parents aren’t prepared to be fathers or mothers and the children suffer. Many statistics say younger couples have a higher divorce rate, but there are many who stay together a lifetime. Why do couples split? Could divorce be avoided if they had sessions with a marriage counselor?

The point is marriage shouldn’t be a decision that you rush into. It is most likely the biggest decision you will make in your life, so don’t be blinded to things you don’t want to see. Going to a marriage counselor prior to being wed may help you work through some issues pre-marriage and help assure yourself that you are marrying the right person for you.

As you aspire to be a couple in wedlock, there will be fears, questions and moments of hysteria, but remain calm, there is a lot of help out there for couples struggling to show each other love. Don’t be ashamed to ask for professional help from a marriage counselor, everyone could benefit from counseling.

There are many different problems in a marriage that could cause one to end in divorce. The list is exhaustive, and no two marriages are alike, so the reasons are always different. However, working with a skilled and experienced marriage counselor who can open the lines of communication can make the difference.

A marriage counselor uses several techniques and strategies, a professional can determine what the best strategies are for you and which healing techniques should be properly implemented. However, a good marriage counselor will tell you that the most important things to practice in productive couples counseling are honesty and communication. Without those two, even the most sound and logical advice will fail to help couples. So before entering counseling and talking to a professional, both parties must make a commitment to communicating openly and being honest at all times.

If you are having problems communicating with your significant other or you just want to improve your relationship, consider a consultation with a marriage counselor. Before trusting a marriage counselor with your precious relationship, check references and ask for referrals from friends and family. Make the best of your time with the therapist. A respected marriage counselor will give you the tools to improve your relationship, your marriage, and your life. But, it is up to you to do the work.

 

Can Couples Therapy Save your Marriage

Can Couples Therapy Save your Marriage

Posted on by Dr. D Ivan Young

If you are struggling to achieve balance and clarity in the relationships in your life, it may be time to seek out a relationship expert. In couples therapy, a qualified, compassionate professional can help you pinpoint and resolve the issues that are creating conflict between you and your partner. 

Whether it takes the form of premarital counseling, marriage counseling, couples therapy or LGBTQ relationship counseling, professional guidance can be essential to the process of helping couples reconnect with one another. An experienced counselor can help you and your partner engage in more honest dialogue with one another by practicing communication that is rooted in mutual trust and respect. It is this type of environment that is at the core of effective couples therapy.

A therapist who specializes in the subject of Myers Briggs personality types will be able to accurately determine the personality type of each individual. Using that knowledge, the therapist will then be able to instruct you as to how to communicate with one another best.

During couples therapy, the therapist will use the personality profiles to guide and instruct each person regarding methods to better communicate with their partner. This results in a better understanding of how your partner expresses him or herself, and how he or she prefers to communicate with you. This insight gained in couples’ therapy will help you create a more meaningful and impactful dialogue between you and your partner.

It is vital that couples also consider how their behavior will impact their children. For many, reconciliation through couples’ therapy means they get their family back. Divorce is very hard on children who are torn between the love of two parents, often suffering the following fates:

  • They are forced to divide their time between the two people they love the most.
  • Children of single parents are more likely to have emotional and behavioral problems.
  • Children of divorced parents are more likely to be sexually active at a younger age.
  • Often children of divorced parents are in financial dire.

According to a 2014 National Health Statistics report from CDC, “Children living with one biological parent were between 3 and 8 times as likely as children living with two biological parents to have experienced neighborhood violence, caregiver violence, or caregiver incarceration or to have lived with a caregiver with mental illness or an alcohol or drug problem.”

There are many things that couples can do to revive, revamp and reignite their marriage. It all starts with knowing how to communicate with your partner. The strength and stamina of a relationship are built on strong foundations of mutual trust and respect. If you need to rebuild that foundation or regain trust, couples therapy can help. Do you want to understand your partner better? Therapists who specialize in Myers Briggs personality types can change the way you relate to your partner. Helping you to understand them better.

If you feel your marriage is in trouble, don’t hesitate to seek help. In couples therapy, you can discover constructive ways to voice your concerns and the significance of supporting each other.

 

Alternatives to Getting a Divorce

Alternatives to Getting a Divorce

Posted on by Dr. D Ivan Young

In 2016, the CDC recorded 2,245,404 marriages and 827,261divorces and annulments from 44 reporting states and D.C. Though 2016 shows a marriage rate of 6.9 percent of the population, the divorce rate is almost half that at 3.2 percent. For those in second or third marriages, the divorce rate is significantly higher. Getting a divorce.

In fact, according to the American Psychological Association, 40 to 50 percent of marriages on the U.S. end up in divorce. So, with the numbers stacked against married couples, what can they do to remain happily married? There are many alternatives to simply getting a divorce and they all begin with better communication.

Talk to Each Other 

Don’t expect your partner to read your mind. Things that are upsetting or disconcerting to one person, may have no impact on another. Share your joys, fears, sadness, and frustration with your partner. Come from a place of love when you speak or text or email. Accusatory language and angry gestures are not good tools for resolving conflict and constant behavior of that nature leads down the path to getting a divorce. Be honest and forthright, but compassionate and understanding. Deep-seated issues are never resolved overnight. In couples’ therapy, the space is designed so that couples should feel they can openly and honestly communicate.

Be Flexible

People change over time and it is important to adjust to that growth. Marriage is a give and take and a loving balanced relationship can last a lifetime. Get to the root of why you are thinking of getting a divorce. Does your partner feel the same or what are his/her concerns? Once you know these things, you can each make compromises to help make the situation better. Don’t be rigid or afraid of change. What worked in your relationship before, may not be what is needed at this stage in your marriage. Try to evolve as a couple before jumping into getting a divorce.

Make Time

Healing takes time, but more than that, it takes the will to want to make things better. Once you have discussed your feelings as a couple and adapted to meet your mutual changing needs, give it time. Therapy can be effective, but it takes time. If you are in couples’ therapy or marriage counseling, you are taking the right steps to save your marriage before actually getting a divorce. However, it is important to listen during therapy sessions, ask questions and follow through with any exercises and suggestions that your trusted marriage counselor deems necessary.  

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Before calling it quits and getting a divorce, try these steps:

  • Have each person make a list of what he/she wants the other to change or work on, set a deadline for completing the list and sit down to go over it together.
  • Find a spiritual place you can both feel comfortable and go to faith-related events together.
  • Go to counseling. Find a therapist that you can both relate to, find a trusted professional with right demeanor for both of you.