by Dr. D Ivan Young, ICF Master Certified Coach
What does a healthy romantic relationship look like?
The work required to form and maintain a healthy romantic relationship is not as easy – or quick –- as movies and TV shows make it seem.
Have you tried putting two random things together? You’re two people, with different experiences, beliefs, backgrounds, and personalities. You can’t expect cohesion right away.
It’s crucial to establish a solid foundation if you want a healthy, lasting relationship.
A healthy romantic relationship revolves around mutual respect, tolerance, and acceptance. You must commit to improving yourself. Then you can learn to work through challenges together.
Why Should You Take My Advice?
Over the last two decades, I’ve coached many couples in navigating their individual and collective issues.
There’s one constant I’ve noticed. Those who find success in love are the ones who are willing to humble themselves and put their egos aside. They invest their time and resources into the relationship.
Mature love is a difficult choice that must be made repeatedly, moment by moment, day in and day out.
As a Master Certified Coach and relationship expert, I’ve seen relationships built on infatuation and physical attraction fall apart as quickly as they begin. Physical attraction is essential for relationship health. But much more is required to form a healthy romantic relationship that lasts.
The definition of a healthy romantic relationship might vary slightly. But there are characteristics and skills that can help you measure your relationship competence.
But first, why are healthy romantic relationships, and relationships in general, so important?
The Importance of Healthy Relationships
It’s a fact that social relationships impact our physical and mental well-being.
Healthy social ties have been linked to more positive health behaviors. They also contribute to improved psychological well-being and better physical health¹. A lot of factors influence health and well-being, but relationships are particularly essential.
Healthy romantic relationship functioning has been linked to:
- Healthier decision-making for both men and women².
- Greater relationship satisfaction and a higher sense of security.
- Emotional/mental well-being – including reduced depression and anxiety symptoms.
- Good physical health and longevity³.
If you’re married or in a long-term committed partnership, relationship problems can undermine your health.
Poor relationship health can manifest in many different ways.
- Stress that leads to physiological responses that grind down your body’s systems. Examples are high blood pressure and increased heart rate.
- Attempts to reduce stress through unhealthy coping habits, like drinking or smoking.
- Depression or anxiety from consistent conflict in the relationship.
The key is to form healthy romantic relationships and friendships. You shouldn’t avoid relationships completely.
So what’s the definition of a healthy romantic relationship?
Skills for a Healthy Romantic Relationship
You probably have an idea of what a healthy romantic relationship includes.
There are certain characteristics that stand out such as:
- Trust.
- Communication.
- Support and respect.
A healthy romantic relationship can slightly differ from one couple to the next. However, these skills and traits are undeniably important for a healthy, happy relationship.
Let’s break these down.
Trust in a Healthy Romantic Relationship
You get to decide what your boundaries are, individually and collectively. This is why trust might look different for everyone.
Building a solid foundation with trust requires discussing your needs, values, and expectations.
Trust is often developed over time. It can be difficult to trust someone, especially if you’ve had damaging experiences.
It’s well-known that unhealthy relationships throughout childhood and adolescence, especially with primary caregivers, can impact one’s ability to form and maintain healthy relationships⁴.
But it’s something you can work on if this is the case for you.
Some ways to develop trust in your relationship include:
- Doing what you say you’ll do.
- Being there for each other, especially during challenging times.
- Resolving any trust and attachment issues by getting help from a qualified professional.
- Keeping the lines of communication open.
- Maintaining your commitments regardless of your feelings at a given moment in time.
Respectful communication is one of the most essential requirements for a healthy relationship.
Stable Communication
Communication in a healthy romantic relationship will differ depending on your communication styles.
However, there are the usual signs that communication between you and your partner is healthy.
Effective communication usually involves:
- Listening to what the other person is saying and trying to understand.
- Avoiding derogatory or harmful language or gestures.
- Trying to work toward the best solution for both parties, instead of focusing on who’s right or wrong.
- Expressing forgiveness and not holding grudges.
- Practicing empathy and compassion toward your partner, during and after a disagreement.
- Acknowledging your role in the disagreement.
And when you can’t agree, make it your mission to respect and honor your partner’s perspective.
If verbal or physical abuse are involved, you should seek help. These are not characteristics of a healthy relationship.
Respectful communication is one way of supporting your partner and strengthening your relationship.
Support and Respect in a Healthy Romantic Relationship
Trust and communication are two building blocks of support and mutual respect.
You’re setting your relationship up for success if:
- You’re willing to listen to each other.
- You show empathy even when you disagree.
- You show up for each other.
You can show up in your relationship in many different ways to support and respect your partner.
Maybe you take on extra chores when your partner is going through a difficult time.
Or you check in with each other weekly about your goals, needs, and what you want to improve.
It can look like being intentional about spending quality time together every day.
Maintaining a healthy romantic relationship is hard work. It’s crucial to be honest with each other and work together if you want it to last. And you have to be clear on what you want before you expect someone else to give it to you.
Setting Healthy Romantic Relationship Expectations
What happens when your checked boxes result in empty containers?
If your laundry list of expectations is superficial, this is likely to happen.
So if one of your goals is to establish a healthy romantic relationship, there are a few things you should get clear on beforehand.
- Values and beliefs.
- Personal and professional aspirations.
- Your ideal lifestyle.
- Financial expectations and contributions to the relationship.
While these can change over time, they’re essential to keep in mind as you search for a life partner. Knowing your non-negotiables and goals can save you a lot of time, energy, and pain.
How I Can Help You Solidify Your Relationships as an ICF Master Certified Coach
As I work with clients in my practice, we explore five key areas to ensure you’re prepared to be a productive partner.
- Personality type.
- Family history.
- Core and cultural values.
- Validation systems.
- Psychological triggers.
But this is only the beginning.
I usually discuss these details with my clients within the first 90 to 120 days of working together.
There are two reasons for this.
- How can you address something you aren’t aware of?
- When we address these details, I can make sure my opinions and preferences don’t lead the way.
Not addressing these things would be like going to the gym and only working on the parts of your body that you like. You must perfect things that you do well, but you also have to identify what needs your attention.
So if you’re struggling to form healthy relationships, book a call with me. Also reach out if you’re in a relationship and you need help strengthening your connection.
There’s no amount of dinners or romantic getaways that can solve your problems for you.
If you and your partner commit to the work, you have the potential for a healthy romantic relationship that withstands life’s many challenges.
Bio – Dr. D Ivan Young is an expert on human behavior and relationships. He’s a Master Credentialed expert on personality type, an ICF credentialed Master Certified Coach, a Certified Professional Diversity Coach, and a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach. Dr. Young is also a member of the prestigious Forbes Coaches Council.