by Dr. D Ivan Young, ICF Master Certified Coach

It’s challenging to heal from betrayal, especially when someone close to you carries it out.

No one wants to go through it. But believe it or not, betrayal can be a good thing.

I can understand if you’re skeptical. You may be wondering, “How could betrayal ever be a positive thing?”

Well, let me explain.

In the short term, positioning yourself to heal from betrayal is never easy. But over time, you’ll start to see the benefits as you reflect on what the experience taught you about yourself and the person who betrayed you.

Whether it was a business partner who screwed you over, a significant other who cheated on you, or you betraying your own values, it’s important to learn from the experience.

As a relationship and behavioral expert, I’ve seen betrayal in all forms. I help my clients take accountability and identify areas of improvement.

Then we develop a plan to move forward and heal from betrayal on their own terms.

Healing from betrayal is a personal journey.

It’ll look different for everyone, depending on their unique situation. While the advice I provide in this article is a good starting point, my coaching process is tailored to each individual client to ensure the best possible outcome.

What Betrayal Can Teach You

If you’ve recently experienced betrayal, you might not want to hear about how betrayal can benefit you.

But sometimes it helps to put tough situations into perspective.

So if you need to heal from betrayal, consider these potential advantages.

It reveals:

Who people are.

Sometimes it takes a major event to see who someone is and what your relationship truly means to them.

Those who are really there for you and your relationship won’t betray you, even if they’re scared, frustrated, sick, or angry.

If you’re trying to heal from betrayal, let this comfort you:

It’s better to experience betrayal now than have someone sabotage, manipulate, or undermine you for months or even years of your future. It’s hard now, but you’ll save yourself a lot of future heartache and conflict, especially if your children are involved.

2. It helps you understand who you are and who you are not.

I’m not saying being betrayed was your fault. But you might be able to avoid betrayal in the future if you do your due diligence.

Did you ignore some red flags because you fear change or you were in a vulnerable place? Did you rush into a decision because you were eager to get to the end result?

Rushing into a business venture or a relationship is never a good idea.

Sometimes, we contribute to our situations and set ourselves up for exploitation.

While the betrayal may not be your fault, it’s essential to focus on self-improvement so you can look out for yourself and make better decisions. It’s easier to do when you work with a credentialed coach and surround yourself with like-minded individuals who share your core values, drive, and determination.

This will decrease the likelihood of having to heal from betrayal again, especially the same type of betrayal.

Odds are, once you discover you’ve been betrayed, you’ll start looking for reasons. And this effort to determine what went wrong can lead to even more negative emotions⁴.

Let’s look at a couple of factors that contribute to betrayal.

Why Betrayal Happens

Let me be clear — you’re not responsible for someone betraying your confidence. But by postponing or avoiding confrontation, you may have played a part in their actions.

I don’t want you to blame yourself. I simply want to shed light on how you can heal from betrayal and possibly avoid it in the future.

There are two things that usually contribute to betrayal.

Impatience.

Before you make critical decisions, I suggest you measure twice and cut once. Don’t ignore red flags.

We all want what we want when we want it. Unfortunately, our wishes aren’t usually granted according to our timeline.

Impatience is a form of betrayal because you’re likely:

Ignoring the role of divine timing.
Neglecting to do your due diligence.
Making decisions based on fear, insecurity, or desperation.
Compromising some of your core values or beliefs to speed up the process.

But if you take your time, acknowledge the role of divine timing, and stick to your core values, you’ll avoid setting yourself up to be taken advantage of.

Assumption.

Always aim for clarity; don’t assume you’re on the same page.

Assuming never works out well, whether you’re assuming everything will go perfectly or terribly.

It’s crucial to take the time to discuss and plan for potential scenarios in order to be better equipped to make solid decisions when conflicts arise.

When disagreements occur, it’s likely that everyone involved will revert to survival mode behavior. However, by proactively planning and strategizing, you can prevent this and ensure that everyone involved is on the same page.

You likely won’t need to heal from betrayal if you do what you can to set yourself up for success and happiness. There are no guarantees. You’ll still experience betrayal because none of us are perfect.

But you’ll be able to make decisions from a more secure place and increase your resilience.

How Do You Heal from Betrayal?

Besides practicing patience and not assuming anything, there are a few ways to help you move forward and heal from betrayal.

Be patient and kind to yourself.
Allow yourself to feel hurt, angry, and other negative emotions, but find someone who’s highly qualified to help you work through your feelings.
Distance yourself from the person who betrayed you.
Invest in yourself and your growth.

These steps are easier to talk about than carry out. When you’re trying to heal from betrayal, working with a qualified professional can help you process your situation, work through your emotions, and find yourself again.

How Long Does It Take To Heal from Betrayal?

As I said before, healing and grieving look different from one person to the next.

There are a few things you can do to aid you in your healing, but there’s no guarantee about the timing.

And if you’ve been through a traumatic experience, it might take longer. If this is the case, working with a therapist and a certified coach can be helpful.

Betrayal trauma can result when someone you depend on violates you in some way².

Betrayal trauma does exist and it can manifest in different ways including:

An inability to trust others – usually a result of high betrayal trauma from different forms of abuse¹.
Physical health complications such as chronic fatigue, headaches, and heart problems³.
Unhealthy behaviors due to low self-esteem caused by betrayal.

Healing can take time, especially if the betrayal was in the form of abuse.

Get Help to Heal from Betrayal

If you’ve been trying to heal from betrayal and you’re struggling mentally or physically, seek help. Don’t give betrayal total control of your health and happiness.

Book a call with me if you’re ready to start healing.

Contact Dr. D. Ivan Young

I won’t judge you, rush you, or assume I know what you’re going through. We’ll figure it all out together.

Bio – Dr. D Ivan Young is an expert on human behavior and relationships. He’s a Master Credentialed expert on personality type, an ICF credentialed Master Certified Coach, a Certified Professional Diversity Coach, and a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach. Dr. Young is also a member of the prestigious Forbes Coaches Council.