Relationship and Marriage Finances: How to Create the Best Plan For You

Now that you’ve found the right person for you, you’re thinking about all the things you need to build a life together.

At this point, you think you know almost everything about each other. But do you really? Most individuals and couples avoid the topic of money. It can be uncomfortable to talk about. And it’s even more uncomfortable making a decision that works for both of you.

Like most people, you want to avoid conversations that might be stressful until you need to have them. You might be afraid to talk to your partner about critical issues. Issues like relationship or marriage finances, where you’ll live, and parenting.

If that’s the case, it’s essential to move past your fears by exploring why you’re afraid.

You’ll either find that your fear is unjustified, or you’ll need to work it out. Either way, how you resolve – or don’t resolve – these conflicts will help you determine what to do. You’ll know if your relationship is ready for the next level or if it has potential. Then you can make an informed decision about your relationship.

Relationships and finances, in particular, are two daunting responsibilities in their own right. But dealing with finances when married or cohabiting is a feat that can be catastrophic for the closest couples.

Pre-marital/pre-cohabitation coaching is an effective option for couples who desire actionable advice. Even if you’re great with communication, relationship coaching can provide new insights. From small issues to critical matters.

As a Master Certified Coach, I frequently help couples and individuals identify core values and blind spots. It’s unwise to leave the success of your relationship up to chance.

No one plans to fail – but many fail to plan.

Why Pre-marriage / Pre-cohabitation Counseling Helps With Finances (And in General)

Different core values, uneven incomes, and inherited beliefs surrounding money can create discord. And even the strongest relationships can be ended when topics like money aren’t discussed until after they become an issue.

One survey revealed that the divorce rate for couples who received counseling before marriage was 31% lower than that of couples without counseling¹.

This isn’t surprising. Couples willing to get assistance with solving their issues are more likely to have lasting relationships. Relationship coaching can help you with communication and conflict resolution. And it may unearth some areas where your relationship can improve².

Suddenly sharing everything you’ve previously kept to yourself is new territory. And since you’re starting a new life with your partner, you may not know what to expect. Managing relationship or marriage finances is usually challenging. More so than managing your own money.

It makes a significant difference when you discuss expectations and devise a plan to resolve financial disagreements before they happen.

Why Is It Important to Discuss Marriage and Finances?

Even if finances aren’t an issue for you now, a lot can change once you decide to share your life – and resources – with another person. This is especially true if you’re a High Net Worth Individual or have a high income. Let’s go over an example:

Joint vs. separate finances: you’ll find that this usually isn’t black and white.

Will you keep your finances completely separate? This could lead to resentment if one person is willing to contribute more money. Especially if it’s for household or practical expenses.

Or maybe you want to share everything. You’ll run into issues if one of you is a big spender, while the other is an enthusiastic saver.

If you want to have a joint account and separate accounts – you still might have a difficult time. You’ll have to figure out which expenses to split. Maybe one of you only needs a cheap $20 haircut every month – while the other spends $100 with every trip to the hairstylist.

Regardless of how you choose to approach your partnership or marriage finances, you won’t be able to avoid the conversation. And you shouldn’t try to.

There’s no right answer for how to handle your finances when married or cohabiting. Each couple’s situation is unique. This is why financial coaching can be a game-changer for your relationship.

What Should You Discuss When It Comes to Relationship/Marriage Finances?

There are several factors to consider when you discuss how to approach your finances in marriage or committed relationships.

Do your spending habits differ from your partner’s habits?

If you spend money like it’s a neverending resource – while your partner holds onto money like it might disappear – you’ll experience a lot of frustration.

You’re likely to have disagreements about which purchases are essential. You might become frustrated if your partner spends less money on you than you spend on them. You also might become resentful if you have to repeatedly loan your partner money due to their careless or reckless spending habits.

Knowing the truth about your and your partner’s spending habits is crucial for #2.

How much control are you willing to give over your resources?

If you trust your partner with their money and yours, you may decide to combine your finances. But this can often lead to trouble.

Will there be a power imbalance if your partner earns significantly more than you? A huge difference in income can lead to unequal authority in your marriage. It’s up to you and your partner to determine whether you’ll have an equal say over your finances – even if your income is uneven.

And once again, if your spending habits are completely different, sharing finances might be an issue.

Imagine you or your significant other wants to buy the same outfit in ten different colors. You better ensure your partner is ok with that. Especially if you’re using their resources to fund your lifestyle.

How much access will you have to inherited resources?

If you inherit an impressive estate from your aunt Joan, will your partner share in that?

Situations like this won’t occur often, but it’s still important to be prepared. Figure out if you’re willing to share and how much. Your partner might assume they’re entitled to half. You might not share that perspective.

This list doesn’t cover everything you should consider when discussing marriage finances or relationship finances. But it’s a solid place to start.

Should You Seek Cohabitation or Marriage Financial Coaching?

If you and your partner want to tackle potential financial issues before they arise, signing up for couples coaching is an intelligent choice. Ideally, you’ll want to discuss other crucial topics as well. But shared resources and finances when married or in a relationship can be especially tricky to figure out.

Financial arguments are one of the leading causes of breakups, but you can get in front of this issue³. Whether you choose to share everything or sign a prenup to keep everything separate, you and your partner can avoid misunderstandings by discussing finances.

I’ve helped many clients work through financial concerns by identifying and addressing core values and exploring inherited beliefs and spending habits. I also help you determine if or when it’s appropriate to share resources.

It’s critical to confront sensitive subjects that could lead to disharmony. Book a call with me to face your financial concerns and avoid unnecessary disagreements in your relationship.

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Dr. D Ivan Young is an expert on human behavior and relationships. He’s a Master Credentialed expert on personality type, an ICF Credentialed Master Certified Coach Certified Professional Diversity Coach, and a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach. Dr. Young is also a member of the prestigious Forbes Coaches Council.