Virtual relationships can be challenging and often lead to disappointment, unrealized expectations, and a tainted view of relationships in general. Sometimes, they work out. But more often than not, you fail to see the online dating red flags or choose to ignore them out of your desire to be with someone.
We all crave intimacy. And you deserve to find someone that will support you through life’s hardships. So how do you find that someone? Is it possible to find someone online and live happily ever after?
If you’ve had failed relationships from online dating platforms – or you’ve considered joining the online dating world – you should first ask yourself what you’re looking for.
Determine the type of partner you want to have – as well as the partner you want to be.
When I work with clients in my singles coaching program, I’m focused on helping them achieve their potential as an individual. You might be thinking, “how would this help me find success in relationships?”
The answer is clear: you’d have clarity when it comes to yourself – making it easier for you to identify who has the potential to become a true life partner. And – even more importantly – to avoid those who will drag you down.
How Can You Spot Online Dating Red Flags?
While getting to know someone takes time, there are 3 common online dating red flags that you can learn to spot. Of course, there are exceptions, so you should take time to examine the situation and its potential for going downhill.
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Beware of the person who expresses a “need” that they want you to take care of within the first 30-60 days of the relationship.
This type of request is often accompanied by a guilt trip.
This may seem like a no-brainer, but there are manipulative individuals. Especially in the online dating world. Those who have a way of making you feel responsible for how they act.
This can make you blind to their intentions, no matter how poor their behavior is.
If you haven’t learned how to communicate effectively and set boundaries, you may be in danger of being influenced by people who want to take advantage of you.
This brings us to the second warning sign.
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When someone tells you early in the relationship, “I’m only dating with a purpose.” That purpose is often selfish or misguided.
That doesn’t mean it’s wrong for someone to be seeking connection and a long-term relationship. It’s important to be on the same page about where you want your relationship to end up.
But this can also be a sign that they have unresolved issues. Maybe they had a bad experience with a previous partner that they haven’t worked through. Or they’re trying to rush into the endgame.
This is a sign that they may be coming into the relationship with preconceptions that have nothing to do with you – but will affect their relationship with you.
You can’t be responsible for solving your partner’s issues, but you can work on your own. You are more likely to spot an individual who isn’t ready for a relationship if you identify your own problem areas, triggers, and blind spots.
And even if you’ve worked on yourself, you know what makes it harder to see warning signs?
Read on to #3.
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You haven’t spent time with them in person.
This isn’t a warning sign in and of itself. But how can you truly know someone if your interaction with them is limited to phone calls and texting?
You aren’t aware of how they behave when they’re feeling insecure or angry. You don’t know how they’d react to having some personal or professional success.
You learn a lot about someone when you see how they act and react in different situations – not just from the information they choose to share with you over the phone.
And then there are seemingly small things like how they treat a waiter in a restaurant. Things like this may seem insignificant or mundane – but they can differentiate a stable, healthy person from a troubled, immature individual.
At some point, you’ll have to hang up the phone and spend time with this person. And only then can you tell what type of person they are when real life happens.
So Is It Possible to Have a Healthy Relationship With Someone You Met Online?
Based on what we’ve discussed – the short answer is yes – but proceed with caution and pay attention to the online dating red flags.
The best thing you can do to form healthy relationships is to first work on yourself. If you know yourself, you will not be swayed by those who don’t have your best interests at heart.
You can grow as an individual by examining your shortcomings – and other aspects of your personality and relationships – on your own. But why do it alone?
Your transformation will exceed your expectations when you work with a certified coach as an unbiased and experienced party.
Through my singles coaching program, I help individuals make smart decisions in their relationships – romantic and otherwise.
Book a coaching session with me if you’re ready to make room for healthy and fulfilling relationships. Yes, that includes the one with yourself.
As an expert on human behavior and building fulfilling relationships and a Master Credentialed expert on personality type, Dr. D. Ivan Young is a highly sought-after keynote speaker and media personality. Dr. Young is an ICF credentialed Master Certified Coach (the gold standard in coaching), a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, a Certified Professional Diversity Coach, as well as a Credentialed Master MBTI Practitioner. In January 2021, Dr. Young was invited to become a member of the prestigious Forbes Coaches Council.
“Only when you stop embracing old attitudes and self-serving ideologies can things change for the better,” Dr. D Ivan Young MCC, NBC-HWC, CPDC. https://drdivanyoung.com/contact-dr-d-ivan-young