Tag: Finding Love

Are you scaring men away?

Are you scaring men away?

Posted on by Dr. D Ivan Young

Do you think women primarily start a relationship with the intention of ruining it before it even starts? Sabotage can potentially ruin a great relationship before it even takes hold. Maybe you’ve experienced something like this in your lifetime.  Scaring Men Away

So, why does this happen? Perhaps you are wanting too much, too soon. Be careful, you could scare a man away by forcing communication and commitment rather than yielding to the organic flow of authentic connection.

Here are common behaviors that are scaring men away:

 Pushing for commitment may be scaring men away

  • Being manipulative and making the man feel pressured
  • Forcing the outcome, YOU want
  • Instead of focusing on statements of commitment, keep the focus on doing things that allow you both to get to know each other

 Acting paranoid may be scaring men away

  • Being overly suspicious, irrational and dramatic
  • Paranoia can come off as insecurity, or an insult
  • Texting your man, a dozen times in one hour

 You stop putting your true self forward may be scaring men away

  • Operating from pretentiousness and egotism/pride
  • Being fake is a turn-off
  • If he can’t accept you at your worst, he doesn’t deserve you at your best

 Making too many assumptions may be scaring men away

  • Expectations set in the relationship, “Fools in Paradise”
  • Letting past experiences interfere
  • Allowing gender stereotypes, cultural and religious belief to cause you to presuppose both you and your significant other are on the same page

 Not communicating clearly may be scaring men away

  • Say what you mean, mean what you say
  • Assuming that your partner knows what, you are thinking
  • Texting vs. talking

 Acting like you’re still available may be scaring men away

  • Not conducting yourself as if your significant other is present when you’re out alone, or with friends
  • “Don’t let your good be spoken of as evil”
  • “Six Degrees of Separation” theory – so make sure you aren’t dating around with mutual friends in the same community

Not knowing your limits may be scaring men away

  • Overestimating your ability to control consequences
  • Not taking responsibility for your actions
  • Not recognizing boundaries

There are no guarantees in life or in love. Learn to love and accept yourself for who you are not. What works in one relationship may not work in another. Before finding Mr. Right, learn to enjoy spending time alone with you. If you don’t enjoy your own company, why would anyone else? Ultimately, the best any of us can do is be that which we seek. When you become such, that which you seek will find you!

Our perception of self is seldom accurate. More often the way you see yourself is one thing, but how other people see you is yet another.

Real Love Happens When You Least Expect It

Real Love Happens When You Least Expect It

Posted on by Dr. D Ivan Young

It seems like just another ordinary day, then suddenly your world is transformed, your priorities shift, your heart flutters and you can’t stop smiling. At first, you are not sure why and then it hits you like a rainstorm…and you are in love. Real Love

Like they say, love happens when you least expect it. If it weren’t for the fact that the greatest desire of all humanity is to love, to be loved and to experience real love, all of us would be annoyed at the way real love enters our lives. It is not something you plan for, nor is it something you can simply make happen.

All people desire real love. We all desire happiness and the euphoric feeling that comes from being connected to that special someone through a unique bond. But, real love must come naturally. You can force it and you can’t buy it. You can’t make a heart feel something it doesn’t. And love comes from within, though you can show someone through your actions, love radiates from within you. Real love shouldn’t have to be proven or won, it is a mutual attraction that grows through the respect and admiration of each other.

When you decide to enter a long-term commitment with another, take the time to get to know them first. Don’t confuse real love with infatuation and lust. Marriage and children will create a special bond between you and your partner that doesn’t quickly vanish, even if you would like it to. How do you know you are really in love and that person is your ideal match? Ask questions, meet friends and family, spend time in a spiritual setting and spend time traveling together.

Real love is natural and organic. Though you may have met on a dating site 15 minutes after you signed up, falling in love takes time as it is a process of face-to-face encounters, shared expressions and intimate moments. Stop settling or thinking you can change someone or rescue them. Real love is not about molding someone to your ideal mate, it is about sharing yourself with someone and accepting the person they are. Love has no pride and often without warning people to find themselves at the mercy of love, where your love’s faults become whimsical acts and the very thought of that person fills your body with warmth.

But, how do you keep from self-sabotaging your relationship? How do you avoid the mistakes of the past? How do avoid taking your love for granted? How do you show your partner you love them each day?

 

  • Respect Love – Love deserves and demands respect. Don’t waste time on grudges or jealousy, focus, give love its due.
  • Don’t Tempt Fate – Don’t try to be something you are not; your love will accept you as you are. Honesty is the best gift you can give your partner.
  • Be Humble – Love is a treasure unlike any other, cherish it by repaying the world with kindness.

Remember, real love, happens when you least expect it, so be prepared.