All of us, at one point in our lives, have struggled with dependency, addiction, or being caught in the grip of bad habits. But you always have a choice. Freeing yourself from the confines of habits you’ve developed to comfort yourself or make yourself feel “better” is a challenging situation.

A lot of people, especially those with more destructive addictions and behaviors, can’t break away on their own. 

You have to be honest with yourself before you can begin to heal. If you’re reading this article – you’re either in the clutches of your bad habits or maybe it’s someone close to you who’s lost their way. 

Kicking your addictions and compulsions to the curb starts with you. 

This is an uphill battle. But it isn’t something you have to do alone. Step one is acknowledging your dependency. Step two is coming to grips with your problem and accepting the fact that you must make the commitment to break your bad habits. If you can do those two things you’re already ahead of the game. But, you can’t stop there.

The next step is working with a credentialed coach or another qualified professional to keep you accountable. When life tries to tempt you into severing your commitment to being a better version of yourself, and it will, you’ll need competent help. An experienced coach can help you discover and connect to your core values. I help my clients stay connected to their “why” every day. Your WHY is what keeps you on the right path when addiction tries to lure you back. 

You need to figure out when to tell yourself “no!” 

How Do You Identify Your Bad Habits?

Before you can solve the problem, you have to know and admit it exists. Some habits are less disruptive than others – but that doesn’t mean they aren’t harmful to your overall well-being and success. 

Being on your phone all the time can be physically and mentally harmful, yet the consequences are often invisible in the short term. On the other hand, addiction to drugs yields more obvious consequences. The havoc that these addictions wreak on one’s relationships and physical health is clear. 

But there are ways to tell if your seemingly inconsequential routines are actually bad habits that affect your health. 

If you feel like you have to hide your habit from others, especially the most important people in your life, it’s more than likely you have a problem. If you feel like you can only share it with others who have the same habit, ask yourself if it’s because you’re ashamed or embarrassed by your behavior. 

Dysfunction and misery love company. 

When you think about this particular behavior, can you afford to ignore how it affects your physical or mental health? Has it created tension in your relationships with others – particularly with those closest to you? Does it break your mental, emotional, and financial bank account? 

Do you depend on it for happiness or relief despite the unfavorable effects it has on other areas of your life?  

If you answered yes to some or all of these questions – you have a serious problem that goes beyond a simple bad habit. One that’s controlling your life and severely impacting your ability to cope in a healthy way. 

Getting coaching or therapy is not a sign of weakness. Bad habits trigger the release of dopamine in your brain and we all have difficulty resisting our natural psychological urges¹. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t address these urges if they’re causing issues in your life. 

Let’s dive into what you can do to start your journey to a healthier and happier you.

How to Break Bad Habits

Once you’ve decided to get yourself in line, there are crucial steps to breaking bad habits. 

You don’t need to try to be strong all by yourself. 

Giving yourself permission to get help takes courage and self-respect. 

That leads us to the first step you can take to stop your detrimental patterns and move forward in a healthy way.

1. Get professional help.

Make sure you’re bringing in the right person to help you stay in line with your goals and your commitment to yourself. Depending on the severity of your addiction – you’ll either need a highly skilled credentialed coach or a licensed therapist. Sometimes you need both. 

A therapist can help you unpack and heal trauma – if your behavior is influenced by a traumatic experience or situation. 

And an ICF-credentialed coach can assist you in moving forward. Seeking professional assistance is a great way to hold yourself accountable. And the right professional can guide you to find answers and solutions. You’ll have the support you need to drop your bad habits and destructive behaviors. 

2. Prepare to invest in yourself. 

If you’ve been draining your bank account to fund your unhealthy habit, spending money on getting better should be a no-brainer. You’ve spent money on the decline of your health and well-being, so now invest in the opposite. 

You deserve to be happy and healthy. Do whatever you need to make yourself believe that.

And while it’s slightly harsh, remember that the cost of a divorce, broken relationships, and a funeral is much more expensive than investing in your well-being. 

3. Be willing to change your environment. 

As much as we like to think we can overcome anything, we need to give ourselves a fighting chance. Sometimes you have to take yourself out of the environment that’s fueling your bad habits. While it’s usually impossible to avoid triggers completely, changing your environment can help you significantly decrease the frequency of engaging in your bad habit². 

If this article is resonating with you, don’t ignore your gut. Make the changes you need to make in order to live a more fulfilling and healthy life. 

Time Is Precious – Don’t Wait

If you’re struggling with anything from a small destructive habit to a debilitating addiction, don’t waste more of your time struggling. What you do or don’t do today will greatly affect your tomorrow. It’s up to you whether it’s a positive impact or a negative one. 

It’s tempting to think time is on your side. But the truth is – we don’t know what will happen tomorrow. This is a great reason to do all you can to make the time you do have worth it.

You’re never too far gone to get back on the right track. 

Book a call with me today if you read this article and think this might be you. At first glance, it may seem like your bad habits aren’t destroying your life. But you shouldn’t allow yourself to engage in activities that make your life even a little bit worse. 

So if you’re ready to take control of your happiness and health, let’s chat. I’ll help you figure out a way forward that has you free and clear of your bad habits. 

Dr. D Ivan Young is an expert on human behavior and relationships. He’s a Master Credentialed expert on personality type, an ICF Credentialed Master Certified Coach Certified Professional Diversity Coach, and a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach. Dr. Young is also a member of the prestigious Forbes Coaches Council. 

1. https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/how-to-break-a-bad-habit-202205022736 

2. https://d1wqtxts1xzle7.cloudfront.net/32308125/Jager_habits_chapter_2003-libre.pdf?1391568773=&response-content-disposition=inline%3B+filename%3DBreaking_bad_habits_a_dynamical_perspect.pdf&Expires=1676359007&Signature=NKgEqt~c6NLcfIIfML0Xt3OlQlp2KRTI8S3-xqsWm0BT~va02LdMstzVDwoLstBe-91SIwwjqoj7FLBGXT~msC4xqbiQkX4vh5yCpWNbZyAUtHr6ruP1D4vqzah6GpjhnX5iABsXfjmB9JrNWy9lfQRK3ZnsUr5eIK~Tp6vDLe6nYsr~nocNPnolFw1nZiNFXIv68YYbGuSKx6vlKCX0TtKr8EfOsI8779mVbbZddhS1rH30QLYxLvdYBlXE5Inb8OJ6F78hG1NINNzp8h29eLINs0TqW4cXSsDA98VVaecIMZC9ZkqORf0REa6xCQaMi8-1l-ZTrlysaYyPzlkpPA__&Key-Pair-Id=APKAJLOHF5GGSLRBV4ZA

Where does motivation come from? Sometimes we have it, other times, when we need it most,  we can’t seem to conjure it up. Why is it that some seem to have more of it than others? While there’s no secret trick, there is something very powerful that keeps a lot of people going even when they feel like giving up. That powerful something is their “Why.” 

One of the most crucial elements of success isn’t your need to succeed – although that can be extremely motivating. 

Your “why” often outweighs anything else that could hinder or guarantee your success. 

Your why is often self-explanatory. It’s the foundation for setting specific goals and what gives those goals meaning.

Remember when you were willing to sacrifice free time, expensive purchases, and vacations for a period of time so you could build your own business or expand your brand? Looking back can you recall your reasons for wanting to pursue a certain career path that went beyond making a good living and having a fulfilling job?

Though you had logical reasons, there was a deeper motivation – a deeper why. 

You want to make a good living, so you can have a family and ensure your ability to provide for them. You have the desire to help others, because you’ve seen loved ones suffer. Having a fulfilling job is important to you, because you want to feel good about yourself and your contributions, so your relationships and overall happiness benefit. 

Making level-headed decisions that align with your why, especially during the beginning stages of building your business is pivotal. I make it a priority to coach my clients to look past their goals and solidify why their goals are important. We do deep introspection to find a deep and meaningful connection to intrinsic motivation – and maintain it. 

That connection to your “why” is what sustains commitment especially when you experience setbacks, challenges, and changes. When you’re planning your success route, honing in on your why empowers you to make decisions that will move you closer to your goals. 

Find Motivation by Determining Your Why

There are three components to consider when coming up with a plan. 

1. Why is this something you want to achieve?

Your reason might be your desire to have location freedom. Maybe you want to be a stay-at-home parent and still be able to work. Why is flexibility important?

Whatever your reason is – make sure you keep it in mind for every decision you make. 

2. Why and how will your goal benefit both you and the end user?

Will your product or service improve others’ lives exponentially? 

What can you do to ensure your offer has the effect you intend it to? Sometimes our intentions can become lost in our pursuit. This is why it’s crucial to keep your ideal user’s needs and desires in mind without losing sight of your mission.

Have a vision for how your offer can benefit others, and make sure those benefits are clear to your intended audience. 

Otherwise – your offer won’t fulfill its purpose.

3. Why and how will your goal contribute to the greater good?

Your offer doesn’t have to be something that ends world hunger. But your ideal client needs to see value beyond what you’re providing. People like to know that they’re partnered with those who make a positive difference in the world.

Focus on helping one person – your target client – and go from there. 

Every move you make should align with your why and answer these three questions. If you can’t answer these questions, spend more time on them before you start making decisions without direction. 

Use Your Why to Motivate Yourself 

Once you have your why figured out, you’ll find motivation is a lot easier to come by. 

But don’t simply aim to get things done. Make sure your brand is filling in the gaps for someone other than just you. Work hard to ensure them that your brand is a reflection of your core values. Especially when there’s a huge price tag, your product or service needs to be an investment – not an expense. 

The way you do business should appeal to the “why” of your intended audience.  

Your why is the guiding star in your business. Motivation is hard to find and even harder to maintain. But if you can use your why, which is based on your core values, as a catalyst and a consistent source of motivation, you’ll find it easier to make tough decisions and move past roadblocks. 

Several studies have demonstrated a correlation between a strong sense of purpose and overall well-being and success¹. Additionally, results from a 2018 study suggested that individuals with a greater sense of purpose are able to handle stress better. This is likely due to their perception of stress². 

Think about it. When you feel like you have no direction, almost everything in your life seems pointless, or at least confusing. Uncertainty can be disorienting and demotivating. 

Find motivation by finding your purpose. And if you’re stuck, take some time to consider those three guiding questions.

Your Why Will Take You Further Than Anything Else

Your why is your motivation. It’s what causes you to adhere to your commitment to yourself. It’s the space between your idea and your desired result. It sustains your ability to make a transformation, especially if you’re in uncharted territory.

Determining your why will keep you on the right track. You’re more likely to take necessary risks and see your goal through – despite constant obstacles – if you have your purpose guiding you. 

When the process becomes unexciting or challenging – you can revisit your why to keep you consistent and find meaning in the chaos³. 

If you’re building your business and don’t know where to go or how to get there, keep working to define your why. Nip your lack of motivation in the bud and find something worth fighting for. 

And if you need some help getting there, book a call with me for help finding clarity and meaning. My experience as a mentor and a Master Certified Coach, combined with my outside perspective, will give you the insight you need to pin down your why and make decisions that will help you move forward in a productive and resilient manner. 

1. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evidence-based-living/201906/knowing-your-why-is-good-you 
2. https://midus.wisc.edu/findings/pdfs/1762.pdf 

3. https://www.forbes.com/sites/williamarruda/2022/11/13/how-to-define-and-live-your-purpose/?sh=6a70ff5b58ca 

Do you even know how to love yourself? It’s a challenge for most. Some might not realize they don’t love or respect themselves, because they confuse love with self-indulgence. But how you love yourself is often revealed in how you treat other people. Another possibility is you attract people who don’t or won’t show you respect, because you don’t respect yourself.

Does this sound familiar?

You forgive others too easily, but you won’t forgive yourself. 

You don’t allow any room for mistakes with yourself, but you’re understanding when others make them. 

When others set boundaries – you respect them. But when you set them, you either don’t enforce them or you feel guilty.

These feelings are all too common. If you experience these emotions frequently – that’s a sign that it’s past time you start showing more love to and for yourself. It’s easy to take care of those we love at the expense of neglecting our own needs. This never ends well. 

Self-exploitation results in you being burnt out and miserable, which only makes you more miserable to be around. In the end – you aren’t doing anybody a favor by not taking better care of yourself and making it a priority to love yourself. 

When I coach my individual clients, self-love is made a priority. It’s up to you to treat yourself better. If you won’t, then who will? A competent coach will help you get there with advice that’s tailored to you and your core values while being mindful of your beliefs, environment, and lifestyle. 

Why You Should Love Yourself First

This goes back to the saying “you can’t pour from an empty cup”. 

You spend so much energy taking care of your family, devoting time to your career, and chasing your other pursuits. At the end of the day, you have little to no energy left to maintain your well-being and sanity. 

You can’t care for others if you don’t care for and love yourself first. 

Those who care for you and respect you want to see you at your best. But sometimes you can be taken advantage of, simply because you feel guilty setting boundaries. 

If you sacrifice self-care and self-love in order to be successful or show others that you’re invincible, you might accomplish something. But the question is – what’s the cost to you? 

It’s unlikely you started out with the intention of being a sacrificial lamb, but that’s exactly what you’ll become. What good is success if you end up losing your love for yourself in the process? You shouldn’t trade your physical, mental and emotional health for anything. Nothing is worth dimming your light. 

How to Intentionally Show Love for Yourself 

When you focus on trying to be everything to and for everyone else – you’re doing absolutely nothing for yourself. 

It’s easy to lose sight of loving yourself when you have so much on your plate. Especially when you’re in a new relationship, starting a new job, or entering a new stage of life such as parenthood. 

You can become so worried about letting others down you end up letting yourself down. If you notice you aren’t doing enough to love yourself, here are some ways to start. 

• Reflect on what causes you to feel guilty or unworthy. 

Sometimes you’ll recognize your feelings aren’t rooted in truth. It might come from a belief instilled in you from a young age. Maybe you’ve developed people-pleasing tendencies. The question is where did this need come from? Is it due to a previous experience or is someone manipulating you?

Take the time to explore what’s causing your feelings. You’ll more than likely find they’re stemming from something else and not from the truth. 

• Accept that you’re your own toughest critic. 

We often think others are judging us more than they actually are. The reality is – everyone else is judging themselves more than they’re judging you. The standards that you’re holding yourself to are in your head. If someone else is holding you to nearly impossible standards, that’s a red flag. Perhaps it’s time for you to set boundaries. 

Several studies have shown that we perceive our mistakes far more negatively than we perceive the mistakes of others¹. The next time you make a mistake, imagine your loved one making the same mistake. Would you forgive them? Does it still seem irreversible? Can they learn from it? If they can, so could you. If that’s the case you can also use the same logic in learning to forgive yourself.

• Set boundaries even when you might be disappointing others. 

Sometimes we have to make decisions that protect our energy and time. It’s ok and it’s normal, even if you might be disappointing someone you love. 

If you can’t give 100% because your battery is at 0%, you owe it to yourself and your loved ones to recharge. Then you can be fully present. 

Sometimes the decision to love yourself first is the most selfless decision you can make.

Self-Love Is Essential for Success and Happiness

If you forget this entire article – remember this one thing. 

If you want to be successful and happy in your relationships, career, and life in general, take the time to love yourself more. Loving yourself looks different to everyone, which is why you need to carve out time to get to know yourself. 

Do you become energized spending time with other people or is your energy drained quickly in group situations? 

Are you someone who enjoys having a lot of free time or do you prefer being busy? 

Maybe you need to do a little extra work to love yourself if you’ve been exploited or made to feel like you’re not good enough. 

If you want to be happy and succeed in anything, you have to love yourself first. Regardless of your background or your present situation.

Treat Yourself How You Deserve

There isn’t anyone on this Earth who can make you love yourself except you. So if you’re struggling to take care of yourself mentally, spiritually, or physically, it’s time to make a change. 

If there’s anyone trying to stop you from learning to love yourself, walk away. It can be difficult to distance yourself, especially if you’re used to giving everything you have to and for others. But you owe it to yourself to leave relationships that drain you. 

If this is a problematic area for you – schedule a call with me, but only if you’re ready to take your first steps toward a better relationship with yourself. I can help you implement self-love strategies that will elevate your relationships, professional success, and overall health. 

https://drdivanyoung.com/individual-coaching-fix-your-life-african-american-therapist/ 

Dr. D Ivan Young is an expert on human behavior and relationships. He’s a Master Credentialed expert on personality type, an ICF Credentialed Master Certified Coach Certified Professional Diversity Coach, and a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach. Dr. Young is also a member of the prestigious Forbes Coaches Council. 

1. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/other-people-dont-think-youre-a-mess/