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True Happiness Comes After You Learn to Love Yourself

Posted on January 27, 2023January 27, 2023 by Dr. D Ivan Young

Do you even know how to love yourself? It’s a challenge for most. Some might not realize they don’t love or respect themselves, because they confuse love with self-indulgence. But how you love yourself is often revealed in how you treat other people. Another possibility is you attract people who don’t or won’t show you respect, because you don’t respect yourself.

Does this sound familiar?

You forgive others too easily, but you won’t forgive yourself.

You don’t allow any room for mistakes with yourself, but you’re understanding when others make them.

When others set boundaries – you respect them. But when you set them, you either don’t enforce them or you feel guilty.

These feelings are all too common. If you experience these emotions frequently – that’s a sign that it’s past time you start showing more love to and for yourself. It’s easy to take care of those we love at the expense of neglecting our own needs. This never ends well.

Self-exploitation results in you being burnt out and miserable, which only makes you more miserable to be around. In the end – you aren’t doing anybody a favor by not taking better care of yourself and making it a priority to love yourself.

When I coach my individual clients, self-love is made a priority. It’s up to you to treat yourself better. If you won’t, then who will? A competent coach will help you get there with advice that’s tailored to you and your core values while being mindful of your beliefs, environment, and lifestyle.

Why You Should Love Yourself First

This goes back to the saying “you can’t pour from an empty cup”.

You spend so much energy taking care of your family, devoting time to your career, and chasing your other pursuits. At the end of the day, you have little to no energy left to maintain your well-being and sanity.

You can’t care for others if you don’t care for and love yourself first.

Those who care for you and respect you want to see you at your best. But sometimes you can be taken advantage of, simply because you feel guilty setting boundaries.

If you sacrifice self-care and self-love in order to be successful or show others that you’re invincible, you might accomplish something. But the question is – what’s the cost to you?

It’s unlikely you started out with the intention of being a sacrificial lamb, but that’s exactly what you’ll become. What good is success if you end up losing your love for yourself in the process? You shouldn’t trade your physical, mental and emotional health for anything. Nothing is worth dimming your light.

How to Intentionally Show Love for Yourself

When you focus on trying to be everything to and for everyone else – you’re doing absolutely nothing for yourself.

It’s easy to lose sight of loving yourself when you have so much on your plate. Especially when you’re in a new relationship, starting a new job, or entering a new stage of life such as parenthood.

You can become so worried about letting others down you end up letting yourself down. If you notice you aren’t doing enough to love yourself, here are some ways to start.

Reflect on what causes you to feel guilty or unworthy.

Sometimes you’ll recognize your feelings aren’t rooted in truth. It might come from a belief instilled in you from a young age. Maybe you’ve developed people-pleasing tendencies. The question is where did this need come from? Is it due to a previous experience or is someone manipulating you?

Take the time to explore what’s causing your feelings. You’ll more than likely find they’re stemming from something else and not from the truth.

Accept that you’re your own toughest critic.

We often think others are judging us more than they actually are. The reality is – everyone else is judging themselves more than they’re judging you. The standards that you’re holding yourself to are in your head. If someone else is holding you to nearly impossible standards, that’s a red flag. Perhaps it’s time for you to set boundaries.

Several studies have shown that we perceive our mistakes far more negatively than we perceive the mistakes of others¹. The next time you make a mistake, imagine your loved one making the same mistake. Would you forgive them? Does it still seem irreversible? Can they learn from it? If they can, so could you. If that’s the case you can also use the same logic in learning to forgive yourself.

Set boundaries even when you might be disappointing others.

Sometimes we have to make decisions that protect our energy and time. It’s ok and it’s normal, even if you might be disappointing someone you love.

If you can’t give 100% because your battery is at 0%, you owe it to yourself and your loved ones to recharge. Then you can be fully present.

Sometimes the decision to love yourself first is the most selfless decision you can make.

Self-Love Is Essential for Success and Happiness

If you forget this entire article – remember this one thing.

If you want to be successful and happy in your relationships, career, and life in general, take the time to love yourself more. Loving yourself looks different to everyone, which is why you need to carve out time to get to know yourself.

Do you become energized spending time with other people or is your energy drained quickly in group situations?

Are you someone who enjoys having a lot of free time or do you prefer being busy?

Maybe you need to do a little extra work to love yourself if you’ve been exploited or made to feel like you’re not good enough.

If you want to be happy and succeed in anything, you have to love yourself first. Regardless of your background or your present situation.

Treat Yourself How You Deserve

There isn’t anyone on this Earth who can make you love yourself except you. So if you’re struggling to take care of yourself mentally, spiritually, or physically, it’s time to make a change.

If there’s anyone trying to stop you from learning to love yourself, walk away. It can be difficult to distance yourself, especially if you’re used to giving everything you have to and for others. But you owe it to yourself to leave relationships that drain you.

If this is a problematic area for you – schedule a call with me, but only if you’re ready to take your first steps toward a better relationship with yourself. I can help you implement self-love strategies that will elevate your relationships, professional success, and overall health.

https://drdivanyoung.com/individual-coaching-fix-your-life-african-american-therapist/

Dr. D Ivan Young is an expert on human behavior and relationships. He’s a Master Credentialed expert on personality type, an ICF Credentialed Master Certified Coach Certified Professional Diversity Coach, and a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach. Dr. Young is also a member of the prestigious Forbes Coaches Council.

1. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/other-people-dont-think-youre-a-mess/

How to Succeed: Moving From Struggling to Strategizing

Posted on January 16, 2023January 16, 2023 by Dr. D Ivan Young

So you’ve set out on a new adventure, but soon comes the reality check. Starting your own business is one thing that’s not so challenging. But building your brand, which is beyond challenging, is yet another. The reality is you’re both excited and terrified at the same time. Everywhere you look there’s another business guru giving you seemingly simple advice on how to succeed.

The truth is building a flourishing brand is anything but simple. So what now?

Starting something new can be daunting. Building something that’s yours is even harder. You can quickly find yourself overthinking, stressed, and hyperextended.

The first step in creating a successful plan requires shifting your mindset from survival mode to strategy mode. To launch your business and move past the startup stage requires more than research. You need sound counsel and innovative ideas. Finding those two critical elements is easier said than done. Your goal is beyond surviving, you want to flourish.

Making decisions out of desperation and fear is not the way to go. Without clarity, your best ideas won’t have the right impact.

For the last fifteen years, I’ve successfully coached hundreds of clients in my executive coaching program, moving them from struggling entrepreneurs to thriving brands. With dedication and perseverance, they established the clarity and intention needed to move their professional ambitions forward. And they did it without compromising their values and their overall health.

Building a successful business isn’t something you can do without a plan.

Why Should You Have a Success Plan?

We never plan to fail. But many of us fail to plan when it comes to doing ordinary tasks or taking on life-changing experiences. The same thing applies when building a brand. How can you succeed if you don’t anticipate potential problems? It’s imperative that you create realistic, strategic backup plans.

Pushing yourself harder than you need to isn’t the answer either. You need to work smarter, not harder. If you struggle to set boundaries with yourself and others, how can you ensure your success? Clarity and perspective are everything.

While your process will look different than any other, there are steps you can take that will make the path to success easier. Whether you’re trying to figure out how to succeed in life or how to succeed in business.

Don’t Ignore These Critical Steps

Every entrepreneur, licensed professional, and high-profile individual has different experiences, values, and goals. But they also have one thing in common: if they’re not clear on any of these aspects – they’re doomed to fail. Let’s break down the importance of these steps in your success plan.

Pinpoint your mission and vision and revisit both every time you have a decision to make.

The last thing you want to do is sacrifice intention. If a decision doesn’t line up with your goals and your mission, you won’t get the results you seek.

2. Align your business goals and personal goals.

These will likely overlap, especially when you are the brand. There may be times you have to sacrifice your business goals in pursuit of your personal goals and vice versa.

Your business goals and personal goals must align themselves. You will sacrifice one for the other at some point. The question is when and how. You have to constantly weigh the potential benefits against the possible consequences.

It’s much easier to make effective decisions when you know what you’re working toward.

3. Keep track of your progress.

When you track your progress, it gives you the ability to see what’s working and what isn’t¹. If your goals and mission have slightly shifted or changed completely, it’s important to revisit your success plan.

There’s no secret ingredient for success, but if you pay attention to these factors, put them into practice, and get the right help, you won’t be dependent on a backup plan.

How to Succeed by Executing Your Plan

Having a plan is one thing – but executing it is far more difficult. Though you’re aware of your goals, mission, and progress, you can still stray without realizing it.

That’s why it’s crucial to set actionable goals to make sure you’re following through.

One way to do this is by monitoring your time. Time is your most precious asset – be careful how you use it.

It can be challenging to stay on track if you look at your goals in terms of completion.

If you have two huge goals and you spend two weeks working on those goals without completing them – you might feel like you haven’t done anything. In reality, you spent a lot of time working toward those goals. The question is what have you learned in the process? What adjustments did you make?

Use that feedback to reset time parameters. If your goal is to work 20 hours per week toward a certain goal – you’ll be more productive and better able to track your progress.

You won’t feel guilty or be easily frustrated when you don’t complete your long-term goal overnight. Because you’ve broken down your main goal into smaller, realistic goals – you’ll get much further faster².

The moral of this story is – slow down and accept that there’s a natural order to success.

Durable success doesn’t happen overnight. Stick to your success plan and find a way to celebrate small successes. This way – you’re keeping yourself motivated for your bigger wins.

The Clear Path to Success

Odds are you have what you need at your fingertips. There’s no secret sauce, except your own personal recipe for success containing your values, mission, and goals. Research others who have succeeded in the same arena, but keep in mind you’re not them. Learn from what they experienced.

Your goals and mission are unique to you. You’re likely going into a field that already exists, offering a service that’s similar to others, or doing something someone else has done before. What’s critical is discovering your niche. Celebrate what makes you unique.

For more information schedule an exploratory consultation call with me today. Together we can figure out the best approach for your unique gifts and talents. You’re a unique individual who can offer something nobody else can. Let’s make your success plan airtight for you to accomplish your goals and show the world what you have to offer.

https://drdivanyoung.com/executive-coach-diversity-coach-black-male/

A Crucial Brand Strategy Component You’re Probably Missing

Posted on December 30, 2022December 30, 2022 by Dr. D Ivan Young

It doesn’t matter if you’re an entrepreneur, working for a company, or playing professional sports. You’ve heard of brand strategy. But how well do you understand it?

You see it everywhere. Every product you buy and every service you pay for is connected to a brand. Have you thought about your brand? Maybe you’re thinking you don’t have a brand. Trust me – you have a brand; in fact, you are the brand.

Brand strategy is defined as an in-depth plan for creating and marketing a brand¹. It sounds simple enough, but there’s nothing simple about it. There are many factors that go into successfully marketing your brand. And with every single step – your intention must be clear, defined, and constantly refined.

If you’re trying to build a successful business as an entrepreneur or rise up in your current job, it’s time to realize that you are your brand.

You’re one and the same. Sometimes you’re a brand inside of a brand. This is something I preach to my professional athlete clients and my legal and healthcare clients.

Developing your brand is difficult for anyone. And it can be even harder when you’re in a position that comes with immense pressure. I’m no stranger to working with clients who deal with pressure. This is why my executive coaching program – as well as my coaching for public figures and celebrity entertainers – focuses on creating and developing brands in an intentional way. One that speaks to who the client is and how they desire to be perceived.

No matter what situation you’re in, you should focus on building your brand in a way that aligns with your values and communicates those values to your audience.

So What Should You Focus On for Successful Brand Strategy Development?

There are different types of brand strategies and not all of them will apply to you and your brand. If you don’t sell any products, you probably won’t be using product branding. On the other hand, differentiation branding is geared toward emphasizing the uniqueness of what you offer².

You want to have a one-of-a-kind offer that convinces your audience they can’t live without it.

You probably don’t want to hear about all the different strategies – so I’ll cut to the good part. If you’re struggling to develop a brand strategy framework that speaks to the right people – you’re likely missing the most important piece of the puzzle. And that piece is intention.

Intention matters regardless of your strategy. And even the simplest actions and statements will lose their potential impact without intention.

Let’s say your company releases a statement to its customers with the simple message “our company cares about you”. You can either put the emphasis on “our company” or you double down on “cares about you”.

If your intention isn’t clear, your audience will make assumptions about what your message means.

Of course, you can’t control how others perceive your intentions, but you can minimize the chance of misinterpretation. You can control how, when, and where your message is delivered. But if you don’t put effort and research into your brand strategy marketing – you’re missing out on the opportunity to connect with others. You’re failing to differentiate yourself from the crowd and attract people to your brand.

Where Should You Start With Your Strategy?

You can’t have a brand without purpose. That purpose might be helping people get healthy, selling a product that promotes productivity, or educating others in your field.

Your purpose, vision, mission, and values contribute to forming your brand core³. Your brand core should be clear to you and to others who interact with your brand.

When you’re clear on your goals and your brand’s purpose, you can act and speak accordingly. This could mean something as simple as choosing the right environment to meet someone who might sponsor your brand. You don’t want to have an important meeting with someone at a noisy Starbucks.

The odds of your brand strategy successfully connecting with the right people are significantly increased when you consider elements like:

The timeline for your goals and if your timing will be right for your target audience.
The potential impact your strategy will have on your intended audience and others outside of that audience.
Your current circumstances and the steps you need to take to accomplish your goal.

If you can define the strengths and weaknesses of your approach – you’ll have a better idea of the steps you need to take.

Your Brand Strategy Should Reflect Your Intention

Before you communicate something to others – you have to make sure you define it internally. It has to resonate and connect with you. Because if it doesn’t – your target audience won’t connect with it either.

Spend time defining your brand and its purpose. If you treat your brand as a meaningless or aimless aspect of your business – that’s how it will come across to others.

Your brand shouldn’t be completely separate from you and your values. This is particularly accurate when you’re in a management position, in the limelight, or a brand inside of another brand.

It can be easy to get lost in yourself or your brand, especially when you’re in a position that is under the threat of scrutiny. That’s why it’s crucial to define your core values, goals, and intentions to develop a brand strategy that reflects who you are and who you want to be.

I’ve helped countless individuals gain clarity and confidence in their vision for their brand strategy. And you can’t accomplish this clarity without working for it. Book a call with me if you’re ready to take control of your life and turn your brand into an unstoppable force.

https://drdivanyoung.com/executive-coach-diversity-coach-black-male/

Relationship and Marriage Finances: How to Create the Best Plan For You

Posted on December 18, 2022December 30, 2022 by Dr. D Ivan Young

Now that you’ve found the right person for you, you’re thinking about all the things you need to build a life together.

At this point, you think you know almost everything about each other. But do you really? Most individuals and couples avoid the topic of money. It can be uncomfortable to talk about. And it’s even more uncomfortable making a decision that works for both of you.

Like most people, you want to avoid conversations that might be stressful until you need to have them. You might be afraid to talk to your partner about critical issues. Issues like relationship or marriage finances, where you’ll live, and parenting.

If that’s the case, it’s essential to move past your fears by exploring why you’re afraid.

You’ll either find that your fear is unjustified, or you’ll need to work it out. Either way, how you resolve – or don’t resolve – these conflicts will help you determine what to do. You’ll know if your relationship is ready for the next level or if it has potential. Then you can make an informed decision about your relationship.

Relationships and finances, in particular, are two daunting responsibilities in their own right. But dealing with finances when married or cohabiting is a feat that can be catastrophic for the closest couples.

Pre-marital/pre-cohabitation coaching is an effective option for couples who desire actionable advice. Even if you’re great with communication, relationship coaching can provide new insights. From small issues to critical matters.

As a Master Certified Coach, I frequently help couples and individuals identify core values and blind spots. It’s unwise to leave the success of your relationship up to chance.

No one plans to fail – but many fail to plan.

Why Pre-marriage / Pre-cohabitation Counseling Helps With Finances (And in General)

Different core values, uneven incomes, and inherited beliefs surrounding money can create discord. And even the strongest relationships can be ended when topics like money aren’t discussed until after they become an issue.

One survey revealed that the divorce rate for couples who received counseling before marriage was 31% lower than that of couples without counseling¹.

This isn’t surprising. Couples willing to get assistance with solving their issues are more likely to have lasting relationships. Relationship coaching can help you with communication and conflict resolution. And it may unearth some areas where your relationship can improve².

Suddenly sharing everything you’ve previously kept to yourself is new territory. And since you’re starting a new life with your partner, you may not know what to expect. Managing relationship or marriage finances is usually challenging. More so than managing your own money.

It makes a significant difference when you discuss expectations and devise a plan to resolve financial disagreements before they happen.

Why Is It Important to Discuss Marriage and Finances?

Even if finances aren’t an issue for you now, a lot can change once you decide to share your life – and resources – with another person. This is especially true if you’re a High Net Worth Individual or have a high income. Let’s go over an example:

Joint vs. separate finances: you’ll find that this usually isn’t black and white.

Will you keep your finances completely separate? This could lead to resentment if one person is willing to contribute more money. Especially if it’s for household or practical expenses.

Or maybe you want to share everything. You’ll run into issues if one of you is a big spender, while the other is an enthusiastic saver.

If you want to have a joint account and separate accounts – you still might have a difficult time. You’ll have to figure out which expenses to split. Maybe one of you only needs a cheap $20 haircut every month – while the other spends $100 with every trip to the hairstylist.

Regardless of how you choose to approach your partnership or marriage finances, you won’t be able to avoid the conversation. And you shouldn’t try to.

There’s no right answer for how to handle your finances when married or cohabiting. Each couple’s situation is unique. This is why financial coaching can be a game-changer for your relationship.

What Should You Discuss When It Comes to Relationship/Marriage Finances?

There are several factors to consider when you discuss how to approach your finances in marriage or committed relationships.

Do your spending habits differ from your partner’s habits?

If you spend money like it’s a neverending resource – while your partner holds onto money like it might disappear – you’ll experience a lot of frustration.

You’re likely to have disagreements about which purchases are essential. You might become frustrated if your partner spends less money on you than you spend on them. You also might become resentful if you have to repeatedly loan your partner money due to their careless or reckless spending habits.

Knowing the truth about your and your partner’s spending habits is crucial for #2.

How much control are you willing to give over your resources?

If you trust your partner with their money and yours, you may decide to combine your finances. But this can often lead to trouble.

Will there be a power imbalance if your partner earns significantly more than you? A huge difference in income can lead to unequal authority in your marriage. It’s up to you and your partner to determine whether you’ll have an equal say over your finances – even if your income is uneven.

And once again, if your spending habits are completely different, sharing finances might be an issue.

Imagine you or your significant other wants to buy the same outfit in ten different colors. You better ensure your partner is ok with that. Especially if you’re using their resources to fund your lifestyle.

How much access will you have to inherited resources?

If you inherit an impressive estate from your aunt Joan, will your partner share in that?

Situations like this won’t occur often, but it’s still important to be prepared. Figure out if you’re willing to share and how much. Your partner might assume they’re entitled to half. You might not share that perspective.

This list doesn’t cover everything you should consider when discussing marriage finances or relationship finances. But it’s a solid place to start.

Should You Seek Cohabitation or Marriage Financial Coaching?

If you and your partner want to tackle potential financial issues before they arise, signing up for couples coaching is an intelligent choice. Ideally, you’ll want to discuss other crucial topics as well. But shared resources and finances when married or in a relationship can be especially tricky to figure out.

Financial arguments are one of the leading causes of breakups, but you can get in front of this issue³. Whether you choose to share everything or sign a prenup to keep everything separate, you and your partner can avoid misunderstandings by discussing finances.

I’ve helped many clients work through financial concerns by identifying and addressing core values and exploring inherited beliefs and spending habits. I also help you determine if or when it’s appropriate to share resources.

It’s critical to confront sensitive subjects that could lead to disharmony. Book a call with me to face your financial concerns and avoid unnecessary disagreements in your relationship.

drdivanyoung.com/contact-dr-d-ivan-young/

Nature vs. Nurture: Can You Really Change for the Better?

Posted on November 22, 2022November 22, 2022 by Dr. D Ivan Young

Nature vs. nurture – have you ever wondered which one has influenced you the most? Let’s explore how nature and nurture might be affecting your success.

Think about yourself for a moment. Reflect on your personality traits, your likes and dislikes, and your habits – good and bad. Where did those come from?

They came from somewhere. Some of them were inherited from your parents or grandparents. Other tendencies you developed from observing the influences in your life. And you can tie your core beliefs to a pivotal moment or important figure in your life.

So were you born with these beliefs, habits, and traits? Or did you develop them over time as you were learning and growing?

One thing’s for sure – you’ve been impacted by both nature and nurture.

So why should the effects of nature vs. nurture matter to you? Self-reflection and improvement are essential to success in your relationships and your career. We’ve all picked up behaviors and personality traits that don’t serve our growth. But we always have a choice.

You can believe that you’re incapable of changing your nature, or you can make the decision to improve yourself and shift the tides.

I help my clients grow as individuals – in their relationships and careers – by helping them identify their fears and self-imposed limitations. We uncover the root causes of their harmful beliefs. Especially those about themselves and their abilities.

What Is the Nature vs. Nurture Debate All About?

It’s an ancient debate that will probably always keep psychologists and others in the mental health field on their toes. Like the chicken and the egg argument, the nature vs. nurture debate is one we’ll never really know the answer to.

But given you can’t have one without the other – it shouldn’t be called nature versus nurture. Your learned behaviors and innate traits have blended together to create a unique cocktail.

The nature end of the spectrum – also known as nativism – is rooted in the assumption that personality traits and skills are purely determined by genetics¹. The opposite end is nurture. And it’s based on the belief that these characteristics are a result of upbringing and external environment.

We all know it’s not so clear-cut. The person you are today is a combination of nature and nurture.

And it’s important to understand why you are the way you are. So you can work on yourself and not succumb to the idea that you’re doomed to be one way or another.

What Are the Effects of Nature vs. Nurture on Personality?

We see both extremes blown out of the water from time to time. There are twins who’ve been raised in separate households and both retained certain inherited personality traits and tendencies. Then there are those who deviate from the beliefs and behaviors that were typical of the home they grew up in.

As an adopted child, I can attest to the power of nature and nurture. I recognize my biological parent’s temperaments in me. Yet my adoptive parents influenced my work ethic and spiritual groundedness.

My adoptive mother worked hard to overcome racism and sexism. I developed her diligence and perseverance – which serves me well today. At the same time, I have my biological mother’s ability to relate well to others in a non-judgmental and compassionate, yet non-compromising, way.

I’m proof – as you are too – that nature does not yield to nurture, or vice versa. And the best part is – if you’re aware of the characteristics you possess – you can make sure they work for you and not against you.

How Can You Use Both to Your Benefit?

You should never put yourself in a box. You’re constantly experiencing new things and learning more about yourself and the world. There are several ways to make sure you’re not holding yourself back from reaching your potential in any aspect of your life.

1. Honor your experiences with both nature and nurture.

Even if there are things you want to improve about yourself – you’ve made it this far with the traits you’ve inherited by nature and the skills and habits you’ve developed by nurture.

2. Take the opportunity to improve through your awareness and understanding of yourself.

You don’t have to – and likely won’t – end up in the same place you started. You can set yourself up for success if you’re able to pinpoint why you believe something or behave a certain way.

From there you can work on strengthening those traits and habits that contribute to your growth – while watering down those that prevent you from moving forward in a positive direction.

3. Educate yourself and accept help.

When you reflect on the effects of nature and nurture on your current situation, it’s important to understand that correlation does not always equal causation. You may be more likely to inherit certain behavioral traits and physical ailments – but that doesn’t mean you don’t have any control over the outcome.

You may be genetically at risk for diabetes. But if you’re aware of the possibility, you can adjust your lifestyle to decrease your risk. While there are no guarantees in life – you can either do something about your situation or let anything and everything happen to you.

It’s never a bad idea to hire a coach or a therapist to help you work through your situation and make constructive changes in your life for the betterment of yourself and those around you.

Make Nature and Nurture Work for You

If you take nothing else from this – remember that intention is a powerful force and awareness is the key to change. You can’t control everything. But you can use your awareness to form intentional goals for self-improvement.

Don’t fall into the trap of assuming your nature is rigid and unchangeable. And don’t hold yourself back by using your experiences with nurture as an excuse for your less desirable traits.

Working with a credentialed coach can position you to take back control of your life. You are not purely a product of your experiences or your inherited traits. You’re a unique blend that’s capable of reaching new heights – if you’re willing to invest in yourself.

https://drdivanyoung.com/individual-coaching-fix-your-life-african-american-therapist/

If you’re looking for more encouragement and advice, check out my blog on how to overcome your fear of failure and achieve your goals.

https://drdivanyoung.com/struggling-to-achieve-your-goals/

https://www.verywellhealth.com/nature-vs-nurture-5323408

Bio – Dr. D Ivan Young is an expert on human behavior and relationships. He’s a Master Credentialed expert on personality type, an ICF Credentialed Master Certified Coach Certified Professional Diversity Coach, and a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach. Dr. Young is also a member of the prestigious Forbes Coaches Council.

Alone, but Not Lonely – Dating Advice for Mature Adults

Posted on November 5, 2022July 28, 2023 by Dr. D Ivan Young

At some point, especially later in life, you will end up alone with no partner. That’s when you’re left alone with only your needs and desires.

This is a voluntary choice for some. But for others – life happens and then, all of a sudden we find ourselves on our own.

You may think it’s too late to find someone. But the truth is – it’s never too late.

Whether you’re a widow, divorced, or never married – you deserve to have your needs met – no matter where you are in life. But it can be intimidating to seek out a partner when you feel inexperienced and vulnerable. And this can open you up to exploitation.

But dating late in life as an older adult doesn’t have to be a daunting experience.

However, because of your experiences, now you know yourself better. More than you ever have at any other point in your life. Now, you’re far more discerning. It takes a fraction of a second for you to size up others and their intentions – simply because you’ve been around the block a few times.

In my practice, I help my more mature adult clients work through difficult situations like dating after divorce or the death of a partner.

When you sign up for my singles coaching, individual coaching, or my high net worth concierge coaching – I help you determine how to approach and manage these new and challenging situations in your life.

There are things to keep in mind that will help you navigate these seemingly treacherous waters.

How Should You Approach Dating as a Fully Matured Adult?

First things first – if you’re feeling sad that you identify as “older”, let’s clear up a few things.

Fully Matured is not an insult.
Fully Matured simply means you’re much more experienced, much wiser, and seasoned.
Just because you identify as matured, doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy all the same things you experienced as a younger individual.

“If you’re saying you’re too old for this and that – you’re the one who’s benching yourself.”

That’s only true if you believe it to be so. Fact is, it doesn’t need to be that way. Forget the cliche that you’re only as old as you feel.

You’re only as old as you act. And you don’t have to act like life has passed you by when you have so much more living to do.

In as much, if you’re ready to enter the dating pool again, there are several things you should do to make it easier for you and the people you date. These steps work well for dating at all ages, but especially for mature adults.

1. Accept that you have needs and desires.

It’s ok to admit that you have voids. Psychological, sexual, and emotional voids that need to be filled. And filling them comes with a cost. You can’t fill up your gas tank without paying.

The cost may be getting out of your comfort zone. It may be sacrificing part of the life you’ve built on your own. It’s a combination of big and small costs – but you get to decide what is worthy of the trade.

2. Define your needs.

At this point, you should determine your non-negotiables and what you’re willing to compromise on.

Most who enter the dating world don’t plan to fail – but they fail to plan. You’ll see this in some marriages. You owe it to yourself and those you’re dating to decide what you want and need and how you want your relationship to proceed.

If you’ve decided you don’t ever want kids, don’t date someone who badly wants them.

Maybe you’re not looking for a partner and you only want friendship. Or you want a strictly physical relationship and nothing more. It’s up to you. And it’s also up to you to communicate what you do and don’t want.

3. Embrace Unfamiliarity.

Everyone has different preferences when it comes to physical looks and personality. But that doesn’t mean you can’t consider branching out. Don’t lose sight of your core values – but be open to the possibility of something or someone different than what you’ve limited yourself to in the past.

You don’t have to define yourself and your tastes right away. Give yourself room to try new things and experience people who may be different than what you typically go for.

4. Understand you are a work in progress.

This goes along with #3. You don’t have to know exactly who and what you want when you first begin dating as a mature adult.

You’re beginning again – re-entering the dating world – so don’t rush to the end of the story.

Don’t act like you’re in a terminal situation. Instead, make decisions as if you have so much left to give and receive – because you do. Put mildly, know your value. This is not the time to settle for less than you deserve.

Dating Later in Life Doesn’t Have to Be Difficult

So you feel inexperienced and out of your depth. You’ll make mistakes as everyone else does. But they’ll likely be different mistakes than those you made the first time around as a young adult.

But the possibility of making mistakes shouldn’t deter you from dating altogether. You might not believe it, but being older doesn’t mean you should stop living life the way you want to.

You’re older and wiser – so don’t approach dating in all the same ways. You’re not going to be going to the club and hooking up with strangers. Visiting the old hunting grounds isn’t the wisest choice. And it probably won’t be enjoyable.

Be willing to try new things and also be true to yourself. Sticking to these two goals will make any process feel more promising and less terrifying.

Should You Feel Pressured to Date as a Mature Adult?

At some point in your life, you’ve probably felt pressured to get married and have children. Maybe in the form of your aunt’s “friendly advice” during Thanksgiving dinner. Or your parents asking you when they’re going to have grandchildren.

It’s important to remember you have your own dreams and needs. You decide whether or not you want to get married. And whether or not you want to date at all.

Everyone needs relationships to maintain their humanity. But those relationships don’t have to be defined. They don’t have to lead to marriage or children or romantic love.

And sometimes you need someone to tell you it’s ok to not want what others want, or what they think you should have. It’s your life.

As a coach, never do I tell my clients what they should do or want. We work together to ensure their choices match their goals in life. It’s helpful to have someone who can point out your blind spots and offer insight – but you have ultimate control over your life.

If you’re ready to embark on this journey, book a call with me today. If we’re a good fit, we can help you position yourself to start forming meaningful, healthy relationships while taking better care of yourself.

For more resources on the advantages and disadvantages of dating, read my blog “Why Some Men And Women Prefer Being Single”.

https://drdivanyoung.com/why-men-dont-commit/

If you’ve recently been through a life-altering change, specifically divorce, see my blog on “Coping with life after divorce”.

You can do it: Coping with life after divorce

Do You and Your Brand Messaging Match? If They Don’t – You’re Doomed!

Posted on October 24, 2022November 6, 2022 by Dr. D Ivan Young

So you left the 9-5 world and branched out on your own. You’re still getting used to calling yourself an entrepreneur. You’ve made a name for yourself, but you haven’t met your goals yet. As an entrepreneur, you want your brand messaging to align with your values. But if you’re not living your life in alignment with your values, it’s going to affect your messaging. This goes for entrepreneurs, but also if you’re a brand inside of a brand – like a pro athlete on a sports team.

I know how challenging it can be to put your money where your mouth is. To live your life the way you know you should.

As an experienced National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach – I can help you live up to your vision. I know from firsthand experience what it’s like to go back to the drawing board and succeed. I’ve helped my clients do the same.

Let’s dig into why you should live in alignment with your brand.

Why Is Brand Messaging Important?

Let’s face it – most people aren’t going to trust a dentist with rotting teeth to take care of their teeth. To be successful, you MUST become your brand.

If you talk the talk – but fail to walk the walk – you won’t get far. If you can communicate what you have to offer and why people should listen to you – you’ve won only half the battle. But the greater truth is – “Durable success only happens when you live what you preach.”

Walking the walk is critical for building trust with your clients.

How can you expect to expand your business if you don’t establish yourself as a trustworthy professional?

Being trustworthy helps you with your outbound and inbound client acquisition. When you approach potential clients, you’ll be armed with testimonials and success stories. And ensuring you’re a trustworthy resource for your clients means you’ll have referrals from happy clients.

If you want to be respected in your field, you have to make sure you’re acting in a manner that’s worthy of respect.

How Can You Align Your Brand Messaging Strategy With Your Values?

There are 3 things every individual – especially entrepreneurs, pro athletes, and high-net-worth professionals – should be doing to nurture their personal and professional development.

1. Take care of yourself.

This includes your mental, emotional, and physical health. What good is making millions of dollars per year if you can’t walk up a flight of stairs?

If you aren’t healthy, how can you expect to achieve peak performance? You may think you don’t need to be physically healthy if you work in an office or your job doesn’t require it. But we all know by now that everything is connected – especially your mind and body.

When it comes to your brand and positioning yourself as an expert, your audience will judge you by the trail of evidence you leave behind. Connect with yourself and your brand messaging will connect with your audience.

2. Make good use of your resources.

Are you throwing away your money and time?

If you aren’t reinvesting your money, spending time on elevating your skillset, or finding ways to work smarter – your business will stop growing.

As soon as you decide that you know all there is to know, you forfeit the opportunity to grow as an individual and as a brand. There’s always room for improvement, so don’t make the mistake of thinking you’ve gone as far as you can.

While the values that you build your life and brand around might remain the same – your chosen profession and the world around you are ever-changing. Your brand has to simultaneously remain authentic and relevant.

3. Show appreciation and grace for others.

I encourage every individual to treat others with decency and respect – with or without a brand. When you’re trying to promote yourself and further your business, you can’t do it alone.

Whether you have employees, clients, or loved ones who support you – you better appreciate them.

Clients will come back to you if they feel safe and heard. They might bring their friends too. Your employees will put their best foot forward for you if you put yours forward for them. It’s the professional version of hokey-pokey.

And don’t leave out those in your life that you started this all for in the first place. If you lost everything today, you’d want to have people standing by your side to help you rebuild. You can make sure they’d want to stick around.

Because if you only receive and never give back, nobody will want to support your brand.

Your Brand and Life Should Exist in Harmony

When we take action that doesn’t align with our values, we feel icky. But if you lack confidence in yourself and your values, you might ignore this feeling.

You don’t want to get to the end of the road and not recognize the person you’ve become.

You can’t build a brand from a place of uncertainty. And if you don’t believe in what you’re offering, nobody else will believe it either. Your values and vision have to be clear to you – so your brand messaging will be clear to your target audience.

We all struggle with figuring out who we are and what we’re meant to do. If it was that easy, my job wouldn’t exist and there wouldn’t be demand for books and courses centered around personal development, mindset, and professional advice.

I’m here for you and your goals. Don’t let your vision fade away because you can’t see it clearly on your own. And don’t let poor personal choices tear down everything you’ve built so far. You can either be the reason your brand is successful – or the reason it never goes anywhere.

So what’s it going to be?

Book a call with me and we’ll come up with an individualized plan to strengthen the connection between your values and your mission. If the pieces of your life don’t coexist, it’s time to do something about it.

https://drdivanyoung.com/contact-dr-d-ivan-young/

Interested in more posts like this one? Click the link below for more helpful content.

https://drdivanyoung.com/blog/

Struggling to Achieve Your Goals? Here’s What You Can Do About It

Posted on October 11, 2022October 24, 2022 by Dr. D Ivan Young

If you’re human, you’ve felt the sting of failure and walked away thinking that’s all it was – an embarrassment and nothing else – no more to think about. This sting has likely kept you from being able to achieve your goals more than once.

You had a relationship that “wasn’t meant to be” or you had bad luck, and your business failed quickly. You tried to lose weight, but these programs that work for other people simply don’t work for you. You’re just doomed to fail, right?

What you’re not considering is why you’re not having success. What can you do differently next time to succeed?

You’re discarding your whole experience and labeling it as a failure without looking for the golden nuggets that exist in every unsuccessful attempt. Knowledge, experience, and a change in mindset.

These are all things that you can gain from your perceived failures.

The reality is – the resiliency built from failure is the secret sauce for success. It is possible to take your failures and learn from them. But it’s not for the faint of heart. Many would rather drown in self-pity or believe that the universe is out to get them.

If your actions aren’t in alignment with your goals, you will fall short every time.

But it’s difficult to see why or how you’re missing the mark. You’re too close to the situation. And the people you’ve surrounded yourself with either don’t understand your position or they have their own interests in mind.

I know your situation, and I see what you don’t. As a respected health coach – I help professionals take themselves and their future to the next level – the level where you’re flourishing in all aspects of your life. So let me tell you what I know to be true.

What Do I Know About Failure?

You see successful people and assume they know something you don’t. Well, I can assure you, I didn’t have a fairy godmother floating around and granting me wishes.

I’m a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach with an ICF Master Certified Coach Certification. Believe it or not, I took both of these exams twice. The first time I took the test for my national board certification, I was only off by two questions. I could’ve stopped right there and chalked it up to bad fortune; when I didn’t pass my ICF test, my first thought was the assessor could tell I was African American, and I failed due to bias.

But if any of that were true, I wouldn’t be where I am now. The greater truth was I needed to learn from my mistakes and work harder.

Helping my clients shift their mindset regarding failure – enabling them to accomplish their goals. And giving them the tools to ensure that all aspects of their lives are in alignment with their values.

You can benefit from my coaching if:

You’ve achieved success in one area, but you’ve felt the need to sacrifice other parts of your life in the process.
You feel like there’s a disconnect between your values and your actions.
You’re working hard to achieve your true goals, but you’re missing the mark.

I can help you shift your beliefs about failure to help you achieve the goals that elude you.

Whether you’re a professional athlete, an entrepreneur, or an individual with hopes and dreams like the rest of us – I can help you determine how failure fits into your life and contributes to your overall success. If you’re lucky enough to have natural talent, it will only take you so far.

I know firsthand what it’s like to taste failure but not lose your appetite for success. I also know that your relationship with failure and success impacts every other area of your life. Especially your relationships with others.

I assist you with overcoming failure, handling success, and developing a healthy mindset that will serve you well in all areas of your life.

First, to learn from failure, you have to overcome your fear.

How to Overcome the Fear of Failure to Achieve Your Goals

Maybe you think you cope well with failure. But doesn’t coping with failure involve doing the bare minimum? If coping with failure means not falling apart, you won’t learn anything by simply coping.

It’s better to overcome failure than to cope with failure – as overcoming means you gain power over it. You learn what you need to do to succeed the next time.

It’s not easy to change your mindset towards failure; if that were the case, everyone would do it. But it is what’s required to move forward – before you are faced with adversity – and after you have experienced it.

The shame and guilt you experience from failing yourself, or someone else can be debilitating. But only if you let it defeat you. The most important thing to remember is you can learn as much – or more – from your failed experiments as you can from those that are successful.

When you think of failure as another way to learn and grow – instead of a crushing blow that means you’re worthless – doors that didn’t exist before will start to open for you.

If you can recognize that failure is temporary, you’ll start to see that most things are not actually failures. If you persevere, the results you perceive as failures are often delayed successes.

What Do you Gain When You Learn How to Handle Success and Failure?

When you’re an athlete, do you play the same exact way against opponents with different strengths? This would be the definition of insanity – doing the same thing over and over – expecting a different result.

When you play against someone who is stronger than you, you don’t try to outdo them with your strength. That’s a losing battle. But maybe you leverage your speed or focus more on defense.

Every time you fail, it is an opportunity to learn. Your skill set and knowledge build with each unsuccessful attempt – allowing you to take a more comprehensive approach toward success.

So how does having a positive relationship with failure also inform you on how to handle success?

For starters, it teaches you humility. I’m not saying you’re self-absorbed if you’ve only had a few failures followed by massive success. But experiencing some failure does help you recognize the value of success.

It can be easy to sweep valuable experiences under the rug – when they feel like a massive disappointment in the short run.

But if you choose to only see failure at face value – and not as an opportunity that gets you one step closer to your goal – then it will truly be just a failure.

I help my clients see the big picture in order to achieve their goals. Everything in your life is related. From your mindset to your physical health and your career to your relationships. So if one of these things is out of alignment, then your life is too. Make sure your values align with your goals and your goals align with the life you want. Take a step in the right direction and book a call with me here.

Certified Coach (the gold standard in coaching), Certified Professional Diversity Coach, a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, and a Credentialed Master MBTI Practitioner. Dr. Young is also a member of the prestigious Forbes Coaches Council.

“Only when you stop embracing old attitudes and self-serving ideologies can things change for the better.” Dr. D Ivan Young MCC, NBC-HWC, CPDC

Suspicious Behavior in Online Dating? Red Flags or All in Your Head?

Posted on September 27, 2022October 24, 2022 by Dr. D Ivan Young

Virtual relationships can be challenging and often lead to disappointment, unrealized expectations, and a tainted view of relationships in general. Sometimes, they work out. But more often than not, you fail to see the online dating red flags or choose to ignore them out of your desire to be with someone.

We all crave intimacy. And you deserve to find someone that will support you through life’s hardships. So how do you find that someone? Is it possible to find someone online and live happily ever after?

If you’ve had failed relationships from online dating platforms – or you’ve considered joining the online dating world – you should first ask yourself what you’re looking for.

Determine the type of partner you want to have – as well as the partner you want to be.

When I work with clients in my singles coaching program, I’m focused on helping them achieve their potential as an individual. You might be thinking, “how would this help me find success in relationships?”

The answer is clear: you’d have clarity when it comes to yourself – making it easier for you to identify who has the potential to become a true life partner. And – even more importantly – to avoid those who will drag you down.

How Can You Spot Online Dating Red Flags?

While getting to know someone takes time, there are 3 common online dating red flags that you can learn to spot. Of course, there are exceptions, so you should take time to examine the situation and its potential for going downhill.

Beware of the person who expresses a “need” that they want you to take care of within the first 30-60 days of the relationship.

This type of request is often accompanied by a guilt trip.

This may seem like a no-brainer, but there are manipulative individuals. Especially in the online dating world. Those who have a way of making you feel responsible for how they act.

This can make you blind to their intentions, no matter how poor their behavior is.

If you haven’t learned how to communicate effectively and set boundaries, you may be in danger of being influenced by people who want to take advantage of you.

This brings us to the second warning sign.

When someone tells you early in the relationship, “I’m only dating with a purpose.” That purpose is often selfish or misguided.

That doesn’t mean it’s wrong for someone to be seeking connection and a long-term relationship. It’s important to be on the same page about where you want your relationship to end up.

But this can also be a sign that they have unresolved issues. Maybe they had a bad experience with a previous partner that they haven’t worked through. Or they’re trying to rush into the endgame.

This is a sign that they may be coming into the relationship with preconceptions that have nothing to do with you – but will affect their relationship with you.

You can’t be responsible for solving your partner’s issues, but you can work on your own. You are more likely to spot an individual who isn’t ready for a relationship if you identify your own problem areas, triggers, and blind spots.

And even if you’ve worked on yourself, you know what makes it harder to see warning signs?

Read on to #3.

You haven’t spent time with them in person.

This isn’t a warning sign in and of itself. But how can you truly know someone if your interaction with them is limited to phone calls and texting?

You aren’t aware of how they behave when they’re feeling insecure or angry. You don’t know how they’d react to having some personal or professional success.

You learn a lot about someone when you see how they act and react in different situations – not just from the information they choose to share with you over the phone.

And then there are seemingly small things like how they treat a waiter in a restaurant. Things like this may seem insignificant or mundane – but they can differentiate a stable, healthy person from a troubled, immature individual.

At some point, you’ll have to hang up the phone and spend time with this person. And only then can you tell what type of person they are when real life happens.

So Is It Possible to Have a Healthy Relationship With Someone You Met Online?

Based on what we’ve discussed – the short answer is yes – but proceed with caution and pay attention to the online dating red flags.

The best thing you can do to form healthy relationships is to first work on yourself. If you know yourself, you will not be swayed by those who don’t have your best interests at heart.

You can grow as an individual by examining your shortcomings – and other aspects of your personality and relationships – on your own. But why do it alone?

Your transformation will exceed your expectations when you work with a certified coach as an unbiased and experienced party.

Through my singles coaching program, I help individuals make smart decisions in their relationships – romantic and otherwise.

Book a coaching session with me if you’re ready to make room for healthy and fulfilling relationships. Yes, that includes the one with yourself.

As an expert on human behavior and building fulfilling relationships and a Master Credentialed expert on personality type, Dr. D. Ivan Young is a highly sought-after keynote speaker and media personality. Dr. Young is an ICF credentialed Master Certified Coach (the gold standard in coaching), a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, a Certified Professional Diversity Coach, as well as a Credentialed Master MBTI Practitioner. In January 2021, Dr. Young was invited to become a member of the prestigious Forbes Coaches Council.

“Only when you stop embracing old attitudes and self-serving ideologies can things change for the better,” Dr. D Ivan Young MCC, NBC-HWC, CPDC. https://drdivanyoung.com/contact-dr-d-ivan-young

Are You Abandoning Your Common Sense for the Sake of “Love”?

Posted on September 15, 2022October 24, 2022 by Dr. D Ivan Young

You’ve had measurable success. You’ve achieved your financial goals and more. But one thing that continues to evade you – a healthy, authentic relationship with your ideal partner.

As a high-net-worth individual, do you fear that people will be attracted to your money but not to you? Have you had partners that became possessive of you and your money? Or do they have expectations and spending habits that make you wonder if they’re taking advantage of your access to financial resources?

That can be a very isolating experience.

Forming genuine relationships as a wealthy individual is nearly impossible if you don’t work on your relationship with yourself. And it can be challenging to learn how to manage the stresses – both internal and external – related to protecting your assets and your overall happiness.

As an ICF Master Certified Coach, I’ve worked with high-profile, high-net-worth individuals to help them navigate their mental health, relationships, and reputation.

Here are a few reasons why it’s crucial to seek a highly experienced coach as a high-net-worth individual.

How Can You Have a Successful Relationship Without Loving Yourself?

We often enter relationships out of desperation, fear, or loneliness. Our ultimate goal is to find someone that we truly connect with. Someone that has our best interest at heart. This can be difficult to achieve when you have assets and a reputation that attracts those with bad intentions.

So why do we tend to choose partners who are the opposite of this ideal partner we have imagined for ourselves? Rushing into relationships is often a result of our desire for others to fill a void that we should be filling ourselves.

Think about it – how often in a new relationship do you ask yourself “why”? Why do I want this relationship? Is this person right for me? Why do I want to continue this relationship?

The answers to these questions will change depending on what season of life you’re in. You might assume that you would ask yourself the more important questions later in life. You might think you are naturally supposed to become better at choosing your ideal partner.

This is not always the case.

In fact, the further along you are in life, the more you have to lose by entering into a relationship. So is it safe to assume that when you have more to lose, you’ll make better decisions and become more thoughtful with your relationships? Sometimes, yes.

But most of the time, your desire to find the perfect partner clouds your judgment and subconsciously urges you to ignore red flags. It’s hard to determine who wants to be with you for who you are and not your success and fortune.

And if you’re a high-net-worth individual with physical assets to lose, some are chomping at the bit to exploit you and your resources. They swoop in and prey on your isolation and your vulnerability.

And because you are so receptive to someone to filling the void, you may be prone to ignoring all signals that this person does not have your best interest in mind.

What Happens When You Date for the Wrong Reasons?

What you put out, you get back.

What happens when you put yourself out there before you’re ready? When you feel hopeless for companionship and connection? You invite the wrong type of relationships. We let our desires – sexual and emotional – fog up our lenses.

Let’s think about this. When you go to the grocery store hungry, are you likely to choose food that’s good for you? Or are you going to see those chips and pastries on the shelf and make a grab for them simply because you’re hungry? Probably the latter.

So how do we avoid this? Don’t shop hungry.

The same applies when searching for your ideal partner. Don’t date while you’re hungry for approval. Desperate for love that you don’t give to yourself. Starved for attention.

Work on yourself before you commit to a relationship. Because relationships take work. And if you enter into a relationship that requires work – while also working on mending the broken pieces of yourself – you’re going to burn out.

Your unreconciled issues create blind spots. And those blind spots lead you into relationships you would never set foot in as a healthy, healed individual. Or, you enter a relationship with someone ideal, but you can’t accept what they offer, so you sabotage the relationship.

This is where I come in for my clients. I assist them with identifying blind spots while helping them find the best way forward.

The truth is – people who are hurting tend to hurt other people. If you are unhappy or insecure with who you are, how are you supposed to appreciate when someone else sees what you don’t?

Odds are, you won’t even recognize the value of a relationship with them. When you have no idea how to treat yourself with respect, how can you truly appreciate someone who does?

What Does This Mean for You?

Don’t enter into a relationship and expect to be treated properly before you know how to love and treat yourself. Consider this – You wouldn’t take the chicken out of the fryer too early and eat it raw. The same holds true for dating. Instead, follow the “wisdom in dating” recipe and thoroughly bake your issues until they’re edible.

If you can’t love and accept yourself, you can’t expect anybody else to.

So when you’re looking for your ideal partner, figure out if they’re also working on themselves. Are they seeing a life coach? Are they going to therapy? Are they attempting to resolve their deeply-rooted issues to better themselves as an individual and as a potential partner?

My Concierge Coaching Program was created for individuals like you who desire companionship but need help managing the daily stresses of being a high-net-worth individual.

You deserve to form healthy relationships while protecting yourself and your assets. Book a coaching session with me today.

https://drdivanyoung.com/high-net-worth-ultra-high-net-worth-individual-concierge-coaching-program/