Blog

What Is A Myers Briggs Personality Type?

Posted on March 9, 2022March 31, 2022 by Dr. D Ivan Young

Are you introverted or extroverted? Do you make decisions based on intuition or what your senses tell you? Do you make decisions based on objective thinking or do you use your intuition? How do you deal with the outside world – by making judgements or perceiving the world in an open minded, objective way? And how do these personality types affect your life?

The Myers–Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI)

The Myers–Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is an introspective self-report questionnaire designed to help individuals identify how their differing personality types interact to shape how they process information, perceive the world around them and make decisions. Each year thousands of people all over the world fill out the MBTI questionnaire to gain insights into how to develop their self-awareness, improve their personal relationships, choose the best career for themselves and grow their leadership potential, among other things.

The Myers–Briggs Type Indicator was developed by Katharine Cook Briggs and her daughter Isabel Briggs Myers during the 1940s and 1950s, growing out of their fascination with Carl G. Jung’s theories of psychological type. The mother/daughter team felt these theories had real world applications and began researching and developing an indicator that could be used to examine the differences between individuals. Myers and Briggs hoped the Myers–Briggs Type Indicator would help people lead happier, healthier and more successful lives. Millions of people all over the world have taken the Myers–Briggs Type Indicator since its first publication in 1962.

There are no right or wrong answers to the questionnaire; its purpose is simply to help individuals learn more about themselves by measuring their preferred ways of thinking and behaving. Individuals can apply the results to building communications skills, reducing their stress, enjoying work more and getting more enjoyment out of life. The Myers–Briggs Type Indicator does not measure stress, emotions, maturity, intelligence, career potential, psychological trauma or skill levels.

Psychological Functions and How They are used

The Myers based their indicator on theories put forth by Jung, in the book “Psychological Types,” which first appeared in the 1920s. According to Jung’s theory, there are two basic types of “functions” humans use in their lives – how we take in, or “perceive” information and how we process, or make decisions based on that information. There are two opposite ways in which we can function. We perceive information through our senses or via intuition. We process the information using objective logic or subjective feelings. Jung believed we use these four functions in our lives, but that each person uses these functions in different ways and some more than others. Each individual has a dominant function. The dominant function overshadows the others as the defining personality type. The dominant function is followed (in order) by an auxiliary (2nd) function, tertiary (3rd) function, and inferior (4th) function.

Katharine Briggs expounded upon Jung’s work, identifying another distinctive preference which hadn’t been defined by Jung: Judging and Perceiving. She also established that an individual tends to use one of their preferences in the outer world (words and actions), and another in the inner world (thoughts and emotions) The Myers–Briggs Type Indicator has continued to be updated as new research is completed. The current model recognizes that every individual has a primary mode of operation within four categories:

How our energy flows
How we take in information
Our preferences in making decisions
What basic day-to-day lifestyle we prefer

Within each of these categories, our preferences can be either:

Extroverted or Introverted
Sensing or Intuitive
Thinking or Feeling
Judging or Perceiving

The preferences are expressed in the Myers–Briggs Type Indicator as the letters S, N (iNtuition), F, T, E, I, J and P.

Extroverted or Introverted

These first two preferences, Extroverted (E) or Introverted (I) describe if an individual is outwardly focused or inwardly focused.

Individuals who are talkative, outgoing and enjoy being the center of attention are said to be Extroverted, or outwardly focused.

An Introverted, or inwardly focused individual tends to be more reserved, quiet and contemplative. They prefer to observe rather than be the center of attention.

Sensing or Intuition

The next two preferences are Sensing (S) and iNtuition (N). (N is used for the word intuition to avoid confusion with Introverted.) They describe how a person perceives information.

Individuals who are reality focused, pay close attention to what they can learn from their own senses, focus on facts and details, have practical ideas can be said to prefer sensing.

Those who are able to understand the big picture and see how everything connects, imagine the possibilities of what could be and pay attention to patterns and impression most often prefer Intuition.

Thinking and Feeling

Thinking (T) and Feeling (F) describes how a person processes and makes decisions based on the information collected by their sensing or intuition functions.

Having a cool head, decision making using logical and objective reasoning, argumentative indicates that an individual prefers the Thinking mode.

An individual who is described as preferring Feeling make decisions based on emotions, and tend to express empathy toward others.

Judging and Perceiving

How people tend to live their lives and deal with the outside world is described by Judging (J) and Perceiving (P).

Those who respect rules and deadlines, prefer to have matters settled once and for all, carefully plan and like to follow detailed step by step instructions can be said to prefer Judging.

Individuals who are spontaneous, open to anything, flexible, adaptable and enjoy surprises and new experiences prefer Perceiving.

The 16 Personality Types

A persons preferences are ranked and expressed as a four letter code:

ISTJ – Inverted, Sensing, Thinking, Judging
ISTP – Inverted, Sensing, Thinking, Perceiving
ISFJ – Inverted, Sensing, Feeling, Judging
ISFP – Inverted, Sensing, Feeling, Perceiving
INFJ – Inverted, iNtuition, Feeling, Judging
INFP – Inverted, iNtuition, Feeling, Perceiving
INTJ – Inverted, iNtuition, Thinking, Judging
INTP – Inverted, iNtuition, Thinking, Perceiving
ESTP- Extroverted, Sensing, Thinking, Perceiving
ESTJ – Extroverted, Sensing, Thinking, Judging
ESFP – Extroverted, Sensing, Feeling, Perceiving
ESFJ – Extroverted, Sensing, Feeling, Judging
ENFP – Extroverted, iNtuition, Feeling, Perceiving
ENFJ – Extroverted, iNtuition, Feeling, Judging
ENTP – Extroverted, iNtuition, Thinking, Perceiving
ENTJ – Extroverted, iNtuition, Thinking, Judging

No preference is better that any other one. For instance, just because a person prefers Thinking doesn’t mean they are “smarter” or “better” than a person who prefers Feeling.

Learn More about Your Personality Type from a Master MBTI Practitioner

A lot of people are initially skeptical about any benefits they can derive from a questionnaire. Then they take the Myers–Briggs Type Indicator. For many it’s a revelatory experience and provides answers to questions they’ve had for years. Dr. D. Ivan Young is a Master MBTI Practitioner who uses the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® (MBTI®) to prescribe individual psychological personality types to help clients achieve their full potential in life. If you think you could benefit from an MBTI assessment, contact Dr. D Ivan Young to make an appointment.

How to divorce an emotionally abusive partner

Posted on February 20, 2022March 31, 2022 by Dr. D Ivan Young

Yelling. Screaming. Fighting. Couples who can’t seem to get along may realize that divorce is the only option. But, going through a divorce is never easy, especially when dealing with an emotionally abusive partner. There are many difficult choices that have to be made, and emotions often run high. But all of this can be especially painful when you are trying to leave an abusive spouse.

Abuse can take many forms and may not involve physical violence. Many experts agree that emotionally abusive partners can cause more scarring than actual physical abuse. If you are in the process of divorcing an emotionally abusive partner, there are steps you can take to protect yourself. If you recognize specific patterns, many times you can stay one step ahead of the abusive partner. You may not part friends, but you can help avoid a toxic, disruptive scene if you have the right plan in place before you start divorce proceedings.

Recognizing an emotionally abusive partner

Not every argument or conflict between two people is necessarily abusive. One thing that all forms of abuse have in common is the issue of control. An abuser is obsessive about trying to control all aspects of his or her victim’s life. Some of the common symptoms of an emotionally abusive partner include:

Degrading or shaming language
Constant criticism or accusations
“Gaslighting” (the attempt to convince a person that he or she is “crazy”)
Manipulative language or behavior
Attempts to manipulate others outside of the marriage (such as trying to discredit the victim, or encouraging others to insult or belittle the victim)
Withholding affection (the “silent treatment”)
Refusing to accept responsibility for one’s own actions

As you can see, emotional abuse can happen in many different ways. This can make it difficult to know how to respond when it happens. One important resource is the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) which helps victims of every form of abuse.

How to leave an emotionally abusive partner

First and foremost, if you are in danger, consider calling someone to help you get to a safe place. Maybe you’ve made the decision to end an abusive marriage. This is a courageous and important step, but the sad fact is, abusive behaviors can escalate when victims try to leave for good. It is important to take every step you can to protect yourself and plan ahead so that your abusive partner doesn’t try to block your every move.

Before you serve the papers, seek legal advice and professional counseling so you can prepare mentally for the next big step. In order to attempt an amicable divorce, it’s important to get the guidance you need. One way to avoid drawn-out legal proceedings is to attempt to negotiate an amicable divorce, also known as a no-contest divorce, by having both parties agree to all terms, such as property separation and child custody in a safe place like a counselor’s office or attorney meeting. Sometimes attorneys, mediators, or therapists help divorcing couples negotiate these terms more effectively than if you try on your own.

If you want to attempt an amicable divorce from an emotionally abusive partner, here are some of the steps you should consider:

Find outside support. Taking care of yourself (and your children, if you have any) can be very difficult during an emotionally trying time. You are going to need all of the support you can get. A support group, counselor, therapist, or life coach can be a great source of much-needed guidance. Be transparent about your emotionally abusive partner so that your friends and family can help support you. Protect the children at all costs from any unhealthy scenes with your abusive partner by calling on friends to babysit when needed.
Get professional legal advice. It can be tempting to save money by trying to handle your divorce own your own. But if you are dealing with an emotionally abusive partner, you need to make sure your human rights and finances are protected. Consult with an attorney to determine the best way for you to move forward.
Document everything you need. You’ll need copies of all your financial documents and an inventory of your valuable belongings. You should also document your spouse’s past and current emotionally abusive behaviors to share with your attorney.
Focus on what matters. Divorce is not about “winning” or getting revenge after being treated badly. It is about creating a better life for yourself. Your priority should be keeping yourself and your family safe and financially secure. Sometimes you may have to just let go of the past so you can move on from toxic patterns of the abusive partner.
Always be honest. Your attorney and your support system can only help you if they have all the information they need. In addition, if you try to hide things (such as assets) from your spouse, you could end up in serious trouble. It’s important to be upfront and honest at all times.
Break old patterns. If your emotionally abusive partner has habitual routines, it’s possible that you have fallen into a toxic home life. How do you interact with people outside your marriage? Divorce is an opportunity to learn new communication styles and start practicing better self-care. Try to avoid fighting and bickering with your emotionally abusive partner. Most likely, this has become a controlling mechanism and doesn’t accomplish anything positive.
Don’t go through it alone. Maybe the most important thing to understand about divorce is that you don’t have to go through it alone. It can be a frightening, painful, and complicated process. You will need guidance and advice while you go through it, and support is available. Who can you call to help you navigate the rough waters?

How can a counselor help?

An educated and experienced life coach and counselor can help provide one-on-one counseling and couples counseling when you need it the most – especially during a separation or divorce. Having a professional in the room when you break the news or discuss custody for your children can help streamline the conversation and help diffuse emotional abuse patterns. It can be invaluable to have a professional perspective while you pursue a new and better life for yourself. If you are in interested in learning more about emotional abuse, abusive partners and how to heal from a divorce, contact Dr. D Ivan Young at 877-508-2025.

Helpful Links

https://www.thehotline.org/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/traversing-the-inner-terrain/201609/when-is-it-emotional-abuse

http://www.attorneys.com/divorce/amicable-divorce

https://www.divorcenet.com/resources/divorce/divorce-basics/twenty-things-you-should-know-about-divorce

Why Some Men and Women Prefer Being Single

Posted on February 1, 2022March 31, 2022 by Dr. D Ivan Young

Although there are 2.3 million weddings in the United States every year, there are still many people who prefer being single. The reasons that people decide to stay single can range from bad experiences in previous relationships to simply not having time for a relationship. Here are four primary reasons that many men, and women, actually prefer being single.

A Sense of Independence

Many women find that being out of a relationship gives them a chance to rediscover their freedom and independence. Being single can be a positive experience for women who feel they’ve become too dependent on their partners. Studies suggest that many women become healthier after they divorce or separate from their husbands, including a decrease in blood pressure and weight.

Many women prefer being single because it allows them to reconsider what they want out of a relationship. In many instances, women start dating because they feel like it’s what they’re supposed to do. This creates pressure to enter a relationship regardless of whether it’s in their best interest or not.

Men have similar concerns, but the significant difference is many men are jaded because of the financial cost of divorce. Many men tend to feel embittered and even afraid of getting into a committed relationship because of the fear of having to pay child support, a future ex’s legal fees, and especially spousal support. This is especially true for men over 40 who are public figures and successful in business. The more successful the man, the higher the possibility that he will be far more reluctant to get into a formal relationship, especially marriage, unless the woman is is receptive to a prenuptial agreement.

Relationships Demand Hard Work

Another reason that men and women often prefer being single is that relationships require a lot of work, maintaining the relationship itself, and taking care of a shared household. This can be burdensome when it’s not an equally weighted responsibility. Women generally spend more time doing domestic work when they’re in a relationship than they would otherwise. Men fear that the combination of the demands of being committed and the accountability many women require may interfere with their autonomy. Men also feel that commitment can inhibit their ability to thrive personally and professionally.

Women in relationships spend more time completing domestic duties than men do when the two start dating. In an era when women are seeking employment at levels not seen in decades, this means that women have to fulfill work duties and then handle the bulk of domestic responsibilities at home. This leaves women feeling physically and emotionally exhausted from having to pull double duty at home and in the workplace. Given this choice, some women prefer being single.

Time for Personal Pursuits

While women have plenty of reasons that they prefer being single, men do as well. Men often tend to be a bit more detached than women. In other cases, men enjoy the emotional high of dates even if they don’t want to get into a relationship. In both cases, men who prefer being single have time to advance their agendas, explore their artistic sides, or just indulge their wanderlust. This fulfills the need for many men to simply embrace the side of themselves that prefers being alone. Men often prefer to pursue these parts of themselves when they’re younger before settling down later in life, or after being in a jaded boring relationship during their early years.

This is the Best Era for Being Single

Men and women sometimes have different reasons for being single, but there are also common reasons why both prefer being single. Among other things, there have been few times in history when it’s been so easy to be single. Marriage was often seen as a way of having and protecting children, but in Western society, fewer people are choosing to have kids than in previous generations.

Dating was the process of looking for your permanent partner, which usually resulted in marriage. Marriage also used to be the end goal because it was considered the socially acceptable context in which couples could have sex. However, fewer high school students are dating than at any point in recent history. This is part of a larger trend of people who prefer being single. Sex outside of marriage has also slowly become more acceptable in Western cultures, and more single people are having sex than married people today. Relationships and marriage are simply not the end goal for many people in the 21st century.

Single Conclusion

There are still many good reasons to get into a relationship, but it’s become easier than ever before for people to stay independent. People who prefer being single have more time to commit to their personal pursuits and the independence to explore interests that they might not have time for in a relationship. Since being alone can be physically and mentally healthy, people often choose to end relationships or avoid them entirely. Finally, since fewer people believe that dating and marriage are ideal, it’s easier than ever for both men and women who prefer being single to feel pressured into relationships.

How to Improve Your Parenting Skills

Posted on January 25, 2022March 31, 2022 by Dr. D Ivan Young

Are there any perfect parents out there? No? Well, don’t feel bad. There’s no such thing as a perfect parent, just like there’s no such thing as a perfect child. However, we can be successful parents, raising healthy, well-adjusted children who are ready to handle the challenges of becoming an adult. Successful parents know that parenting isn’t easy. There’s always more to learn about improving parenting skills.

Tips for Improving Parenting Skills

No matter how many children you have, parenting is always a learning experience. Improving parenting skills isn’t impossible – it just takes a commitment on your part. Here are some recommendations we share with those who are dedicated to becoming better parents:

Love and Support Your Children

The most important part of improving parenting skills is to show your child love and affection. Make it a point to spend quality one-on-one time with your children. Nurture them with emotional support and unconditional love. Support and encourage them to express their feelings and thoughts.

Listen to Your Children

Improving parenting skills requires listening to what your child is trying to say to you. Listening to your children can give you vital insight into their lives. Remember, listening isn’t just about hearing the words your children are saying to you, but also understanding the thoughts and feelings your child is trying to communicate to you.

Give Your Children Unconditional Love

Make sure your child knows that you love and accept them no matter what, and that they can confide in you whatever problems or feelings they are experiencing. Improving parenting skills means talking to children without judgement or criticism.

Spend Quality Time with Your Children

A big part of improving parenting skills means developing a good relationship with your children. Spending quality time with your child is an effective way to build this relationship. Quality time gives parents and children a way to get to know each other better and strengthen the bonds between them.

Learn how to Stay In Control of Your Emotions

Parenting is stressful. Sometimes it may seem overwhelming. Losing your cool isn’t good for you or your children. Learn to manage your stress and avoid venting stress onto your children or partner, no matter how crazy things might get. Improving parenting skills sometimes means improving your emotional regulation.

Be a Good Role Model

Children pick up a lot of their good and bad habits from their parents. Improving parenting skills requires parents to be good role models for their children. This can include having a positive attitude, respecting and listening to your child, treating others with respect, maintaining and promoting a healthy lifestyle, volunteering and public service. Being open with your children will make them more likely to open up to you.

Help Your Children to Become Responsible and Independent

Nobody wants to be a “helicopter” parent. Improving parenting skills sometimes means taking a step back. One of the most valuable things we can do for our children is to provide them with the means to become responsible and independent adults. Don’t do things for your children that they should be doing themselves. Let them make their own (age appropriate) choices and allow them to learn from their mistakes.

Learn to be an Authoritative Parent

There are three general styles of parenting. Permissive parents are too lenient and don’t stick to consistent boundaries or rules. Authoritarian parents are just the opposite – too strict, harsh and they often coerce or force children into doing things. Permissive parenting can produce “spoiled” children, while children with authoritarian parents can be rebellious or resentful.

Authoritative parents get the mix just right. They show love and affection towards their children without being indulgent. There are rules and boundaries, but these can be revised if the situation warrants. Psychologists have determined that authoritative parents are most likely to raise children who enjoy healthy, happy and successful lives.

If you’re working on improving parenting skills, ask yourself what kind of style you have and where you could improve.

Dr. D Ivan Young Can Help You Become a More Successful Parent

None of us are born knowing how to be a good parent. We all want to be the best parent possible for our children’s sake. However, sometimes we need help and guidance if we’re working on improving parenting skills.

That’s where Dr. D Ivan Young can help. Dr. D Ivan Young holds a PhD in holistic life coaching and is a Master Certified Coach, a Master Neuro-Linguistic Practitioner, and a Master MBTI Practitioner. You might have seen or heard Dr. Young on YouTube, CBS, FOX and Blog Talk Radio to name a few. His skills and experience as a family counselor and relationship coach has enabled thousands of men and women become more successful parents. If you are interested in learning more about improving parenting skills, the Doctor is here to help. Contact us today to schedule your appointment with Dr. D Ivan Young.

You can do it: Coping with life after divorce

Posted on February 14, 2020June 18, 2020 by Dr. D Ivan Young

Although you might not think it’s possible right now, there is life after divorce. Accepting divorce gives you the autonomy you need to take control of your life. This is not the beginning of the end, it’s an opportunity for a new beginning.

The United States has the 6th highest divorce rate in the world; sadly, in 2019 the National Center for Health Statistics reported that almost 50 percent of all marriages in the United States will end in divorce or separation. The leading reasons couples choose to end their marriages include infidelity, money problems, lack of communication, lack of intimacy, weight gain, constant arguing, and unrealistic expectations.

A divorce is a difficult process for anybody to go through. It’s assumed that marriage is an event that changes a person’s life for the better. The greater truth is that leaving a dysfunctional marriage can be an even bigger blessing. Leaving a crippling relationship allows you to get more clarity about yourself. Untangling the legal and financial issues associated with divorce can transform a stressful situation into a point of clarity. Left unchecked the emotional fallout from divorce may continue for years, but it doesn’t have to be that way. The facts are your emotions can run the gamut from depression and withdrawal to anger and aggression, but the greater truth is there is an upside. Getting the right support and shedding your emotional dead weight can position you to create a life the life after divorce you’ve always deserved.

Moving forward

Once you’ve accepted that your marriage is over, the healing begins. Your life is changed forever. Now, what do you do? How do you get from where the divorce has left you, emotionally, to where you want to be in life? The answer is simple, find an ICF credentialed life coach. Partnering with a qualified coach is the first step in getting clarity. The second is making up your mind that failure is NOT an option.

Coping with life after a divorce necessitates that you recognize and accept that it’s going to take time and effort to heal. The negative feelings of confusion, anger, betrayal, frustration, sadness aren’t going to disappear overnight. Grieving over the loss of a personal relationship is a natural part of the process. Devote the time you need to reflect, grieve, and heal. Step by step you can rebuild a happy, healthy life after divorce for yourself provided that you spend your more time living in your present than in the past.

Some of the things you can do to help you cope with life after divorce:

Maintain a positive, healthy attitude.
Don’t try and go it alone. Remember, your friends and family are there to provide emotional support. You can also seek professional help or join a support group to share stories with others. Isolation isn’t the answer. It can lead to negative behavior such as alcohol and substance abuse.
Healthy eating and exercise, which leads to reduced stress.
Start engaging in social activities and interests you’ve always enjoyed, and find some new things to explore – take a class, volunteer, visit someplace new, start a new hobby.
When you think you’re ready, try dating again, but be sure NOT to rush into it.
Work to resolve any negative or toxic feelings you have towards your ex-spouse and your former relationship – they can weigh you down as you try to rebuild your life after divorce.

Dealing with financial stresses

The financial hardships generated by divorce can add to the emotional stress for both spouses. Legal bills have to be paid. Shared assets have to be liquidated, usually for a fraction of their value. And then there’s child support and alimony payments, with monthly amounts that can make it difficult for either spouse to maintain their previous standard of living. Non-working women and mothers are hit the hardest, but it doesn’t have to end that way. “This typically happens when women act emotionally and not rationally. You must fight for what you are entitled to from the marriage,” says relationship and behavioral expert Dr. D Ivan Young. But the good news is that you can finally embrace the career you’ve always dreamed of. There are many high five-figure and low six-figure jobs that only require a two-year certification program.

So life after divorce will likely include financial and emotional challenges, but only for a season. Finding healthy ways to cope with this stress, just as an exercise program, practicing meditation, and pursuing a career can significantly relieve much of this stress.

Helping children cope with life after divorce

You have to set an example for your children. Having a positive post-divorce attitude not only helps you cope with life after divorce, but it also helps your children. It’s especially important for you to be the “adult” at this time. Despite the conflicts and bad feelings that may exist between you and your ex-spouse, always remember that they are the mother or father of your children. Bad behavior can have long term effects on the emotional health of your children. Don’t bad mouth your ex-spouse in front of the kids, don’t force them to take sides, don’t use your children to communicate with your ex-spouse, and refrain from sharing any accusations about your ex-spouse.

Seek Help to Improve Life after Divorce

Learning to cope with the challenges of life after divorce can make you a stronger, more confident person. If you have just been through a difficult divorce, an accredited life coach can provide you with the tools you need to not only cope with life after a divorce but to achieve your highest potential possible in life.

Although it may seem like a difficult task finding the right life coach, especially one that is dedicated and experienced, is worth the research. Contact a doctor to learn more about how to effectively deal with the problems life throws at us.

You Aren’t Alone: How to Deal with Stalkers

Posted on February 18, 2019February 18, 2019 by Dr. D Ivan Young

Are you being stalked, or suspect you’re being stalked? A stalker can be a family member, ex-spouse, someone you dated, a co-worker or even a complete stranger. They often engage in actions meant to control, track and/or frighten their victim. In addition to making your life miserable, having to deal with stalkers could place you into a potentially dangerous situation. This is because stalking often escalates from intimidation and harassment into more violent types of behavior. Many men and women fear they are being stalked, but do not know how to handle it. The first thing to know is that help is available, so don’t try to deal with it alone.

What is stalking?

Stalking is often defined as a pattern of behavior in which one person inflicts upon another repeated, unwanted intrusions and communications to the extent that the victim fears for his or her safety, the safety of their family and friends, or the safety of their property. In many states, including Texas, stalking is a felony crime. Penalties for being convicted of stalking in Texas can range from 2 – 20 years and up to a $10,000 fine.

Ways that stalkers may try to intimidate their victims include:

Displaying obsessive/compulsive behavior towards their victim.
Following their victims wherever they go, maintaining surveillance, using technology to track their movements
Property damage
Trespassing
Unwanted communication with their victims via telephone, letters, internet, graffiti, etc.
Leaving gifts or offerings for their victims
Spreading rumors or posting false information online about their victim
Showing up at any time, anywhere the victim is: work, home, school, etc.
Threatening violence against their victim, as well as the victim’s family, friends, co-workers or pets.
Cyberbullying
Make terroristic threats
Ignoring boundaries (including court issued restraining orders)

According to one study, an estimated 15.2% of women (18.3 million women) and 5.7% of men (or nearly 6.5 million) in the United States have been forced to deal with stalkers that made them feel very fearful or made them believe that they or someone close to them would be harmed or killed. Women are overwhelmingly stalked by men; for men, the number is split between male (48%) and female stalkers (44%). Men and women aged 18 – 24 have to deal with stalkers at the highest rates. 25% of female victims and 32% of male victims of stalking have been stalked by an acquaintance; only about 1 in 5 people who have had to deal with stalkers were targeted by a stranger.

How do you deal with stalkers?

Stalking can start out as relatively harmless but can escalate into life-threatening danger. If you are being stalked, it’s important to take action and deal with stalkers immediately.

Under no circumstances should anyone agree to meet or try to deal with stalkers in person. It could put you in a dangerous situation as well as weaken any legal case you may have against the person stalking you. However, simply ignoring them is not an effective way to deal with stalkers.

Law enforcement is the people who are equipped to deal with stalkers. Some states, such as Texas, take stalking very seriously. All stalking incidents should be reported to the police. Keep records of when and where the stalking incidents took place, remembering also to get the names and contact information from any witnesses. Preserve any evidence (including emails, photographs, videos, etc.) you might have. The more evidence they have, the more effectively prosecutors can deal with stalkers.

Be aware of your personal safety. Avoid places where you might be accosted by the stalker. Carry a cell phone with you at all times. Consider improving your home security with alarms and video cameras. If you are comfortable with the idea, you may want to deal with stalkers by carrying mace or a firearm as a means of defense.

Talk to someone. Conversations about how you’re being stalked might be uncomfortable, but reaching out to friends and family for help is an important step in dealing with stalkers. You may also want to consider professional counseling as well.

It’s always important to remember people who have to deal with stalkers are not to blame.

Dr. D Ivan Young Can Help You to Manage the Stress in Your Life

If you are trying to get over a toxic relationship or dealing with a stalker, Dr. D Ivan Young can help. Dr. D Ivan Young has developed a whole range of effective no-nonsense tools for people of all ages. These tools can help you achieve your ultimate personal destiny and triumph in seemingly hopeless circumstances.

How to Handle a Stressful Job in a Healthy Way

Posted on February 6, 2019February 15, 2019 by Dr. D Ivan Young

If you have a job, it’s almost certain that you’ve experienced job related stress. Tight deadlines, long hours, disagreeable co-workers, heavy workloads, job insecurity and the hectic daily commute are just a few of the things that contribute to on the job stress. Even people who love their jobs experience stress at work. Unfortunately, when a stressful job becomes too much to handle, it can have serious effects on your physical and mental health.

Job related stress can often result in symptoms such as headaches, gastrointestinal problems, moodiness, muscle tensions, difficulty concentrating on tasks and insomnia. Physically, chronic, or long term, stress can result in high blood pressure, a weakened immune system, impotence, obesity and heart disease. Mentally, a stressful job can cause irritability, depression, anxiety, discouragement, pessimism and feelings of helplessness and isolation. Often times, people react to stress in unhealthy ways: excessive absenteeism, poor work performance, anger, violence, overeating, unhealthy eating habits, smoking, or alcoholism and substance abuse.

Dealing With on the Job Stress

In a lot of circumstances, you may be unable to avoid the situations that cause your job stress. So how do you deal with it? Well, you can always get a new job, but you’ll probably experience the same type of stresses – just in a different environment. And then there’s the ultimate solution to work related stress: quit your job and stay at home. As tempting as that might be, it’s not a viable option for most people.

A more effective way to handle a stressful job would be to adopt useful, healthy habits to reduce the effects of job related stress.

Identify the Causes of Job Stress

The first thing you need to do is identify your stressors – the things at work that trigger stress. On the job stress can be caused by many factors, including:

Long hours
Tight deadlines
Heavy workloads
New duties and responsibilities
Poor relationships with colleagues or bosses
Unsafe working environment
Job insecurity
Low wages
Organizational changes
Harassment
Bullying
Unsatisfying work
Insufficient skills for the job
Over-supervision
Lack of resources
Lack of advancement opportunities
Discrimination
A crisis event, such as a workplace accident or incident

Healthy Ways to Manage a Stressful Job

While you may not be able to eliminate the things that trigger stress at work, there are things you can do to reduce the impact they have on your life.

It’s important to not only identify the stressors at your job, but also how they correlate to the physical and emotional reactions you experience. Do you get a headache while performing certain tasks? Do you find yourself getting irritable as an important deadline approaches? By recognizing the stressors in your workplace environment and how you respond will enable you to manage your stress in a more productive and healthy manner.

Learn to manage your time more effectively. No matter how hectic work gets, always make time for yourself. Take a break when you feel the need to. Use your vacation time.

Engage in healthy activities to manage your stress. Some healthy activities that help to reduce stress include exercise, yoga, meditation, prayer, listening to relaxing music and reading. A relaxing hobby such as gardening, knitting, coloring or keeping a journal can also help.

Eat healthy and get plenty of sleep.

Talk to your manager about your problems and see if changes can be made in the workplace to help reduce your stress. If your place of work has counselors they would be a great resource too.

Reach out to family, friends and co-workers for support. Talking about your stress can relieve it. If stress is having a major impact on your emotional health, you may want to seek professional advice from a psychologist or other expert. You aren’t the only one who’s experienced workplace stress.

Remember to have a positive outlook. Be patient – don’t let it get to you. Don’t try to accomplish too much all at once. Focus on one stressor at a time. It takes time for unhealthy stress related behaviors to develop and it will take time to replace them with healthy ones.

Create a Positive Change in Your Life with Dr. D Ivan Young

Is a stressful job having a negative impact on your life and relationships? Dr. D Ivan Young is a world-renowned public speaker and life coach dedicated to improving the lives of individuals, couples, singles, professionals, athletes, companies and others. If the name sounds familiar, it’s probably because you’ve seen him on MSNBC, CNN, ABC, NBC, YouTube, the Oxygen Network and others. Dr. D’s stress management techniques have taught thousands of people all over the country how to deal with the stress in their world. His advanced techniques can help anyone deal with a stressful job and other problems in their lives.

How to Be Still and Let Go While Meditating

Posted on January 30, 2019January 10, 2019 by Dr. D Ivan Young

Life can be full of stress and anxiety, but there are many ways to deal with these negative emotions. One technique that has received a lot of attention lately is meditation. While it’s a very old practice, doctors and therapists have only begun to realize the full benefits of meditation within the last few years. If you’re new to this practice, you may be wondering how to meditate to achieve the best results. Fortunately, it’s fairly simple to learn, although it takes practice.

What Is Meditation?

Before learning how to meditate, you should start with an understanding of what it really is. It began as a spiritual practice thousands of years ago, and it is an important part of several Eastern religions, such as Hinduism and Buddhism. However, people from any religious or cultural background can learn how to meditate.

The goal of meditation is to calm your emotions and focus your thoughts on the present moment. Many people find that this helps them think clearly and gain a sense of perspective. There are many different schools of thoughts about how to meditate, but in general, the idea is to stop thinking about the past or the future and to ground yourself in whatever is happening around you now.

About Mindfulness

There is one very important concept to understand as you learn how to meditate: mindfulness. When you are practicing mindfulness, you are taking in every detail you can about the world around you. This means focusing on all of your senses: what you can see right now, what you can hear, and so on. It also means being aware of what is happening in your mind and body: what emotions do you feel? What thoughts are you having?

One thing that can be challenging about learning how to meditate is that mindfulness should never be judgmental. The idea is to recognize what is happening without deciding that each sensation or thought is “good” or “bad.” It can take a lot of practice to achieve this, since letting go of our opinions, even for a moment, is difficult for most of us. However, if you are willing to keep practicing, you can learn how to meditate from a place of calm and acceptance.

What Are Some Meditation Techniques?

Over the years, people have developed many different ways to practice meditation. This means that you can experiment with different methods to decide which one works best for you. Some meditation techniques that are worth exploring include:

Sitting still. The most common way to meditate is to find a calm, quiet place where you can sit and be alone with your thoughts for awhile. Some people can calmly sit for hours, but when you’re first learning how to meditate, it’s usually best to start with shorter sessions. Sitting for half an hour or even fifteen minutes at a time can help you get into the habit of being still.
Guided meditation. Some people find it too difficult to focus their thoughts without a little assistance, at least in the beginning. In a guided meditation session, an instructor or counselor will sit with you and describe soothing imagery or offer words of empowerment for you to focus on.
Focused thinking. For some people, focusing on something specific while meditating works better than letting their minds wander. For example, you may pay close attention to your breathing by counting and timing your breaths. You may prefer to find an object in your surroundings to inspect closely, or choose a mantra to repeat to yourself.
Active meditation. Sometimes people studying how to meditate are surprised to learn that you don’t necessarily have to sit through the entire session. You can focus on inner stillness and calm even while your body is moving. Almost anything can be a kind of meditation if you do it with mindfulness, such as cleaning your house, taking a walk, or working in your garden.

There are many resources out there for people who want to learn how to meditate. You can study on your own with books and websites, find a local community center to practice with others, or receive one-on-one instruction with a teacher or life coach. Of course, if you’re very interested, you can even do all three.

Why Should I Meditate?

Mediation may be a simple concept, but it can also be tricky to practice. For many people, however, knowing how to meditate is worth the effort. Just a few of the many benefits include:

Reduced anxiety
Improved self awareness
Increased patience and empathy (which can improve personal relationships)
Better sleep
Pain management

People can enjoy these benefits no matter what kind of meditation they practice, whether it is spiritual or secular. If you are struggling with high levels of stress, chronic anxiety, insomnia, or many other issues, learning how to meditate could be very beneficial.

Common Indicators You Are Suffering from Depression and Need Help

Posted on January 16, 2019January 10, 2019 by Dr. D Ivan Young

Depression is one of the most common forms of mental illness. It is estimated that over 300 million people around the world are suffering from depression today. Sadly, fewer than half of them will receive treatment. There are many treatment options for depression, from medication to individual counseling, but there are also many barriers to treatment that people may face.

Talking about mental health can be difficult. Many people are embarrassed or ashamed to admit that they are suffering from depression. But acknowledging the problem is the first step to recovery. If you are experiencing any indicators of depression, professional help and guidance can make a huge difference in your quality of your life.

What Is Depression?

Depression is a kind of mood disorder, which means it is a condition that causes long lasting, painful emotional states. There are different types of depression, but the most common is known as major depressive disorder or clinical depression. Other types include seasonal affective disorder, postpartum depression, and bipolar disorder.

It’s important to understand that depression is more than just a bad day or occasionally feeling sad. It’s a disorder that can be very disruptive to your relationships, career, and health. No one is sure why some people end up suffering from depression while others never experience this problem. Doctors think the problem may be biological, perhaps related to genetics or neurochemical differences.

Am I Suffering from Depression?

We are all individuals, so the symptoms of depression will be different for each person who experiences it. Still, certain symptoms are very common among people suffering from depression. These include:

Feeling like life is hopeless
Losing interest in things you used to enjoy
Feeling worthless or helpless
Having no energy or motivation
Changes in appetite (you may eat too much or too little)
Feelings of sadness or emptiness that won’t go away
Physical symptoms, like headaches or nausea, that have no other cause

In the most severe cases, people suffering from depression may begin to think about hurting themselves. If you or a loved one is experiencing these thoughts, you should seek help right away. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline phone number is 1-800-273-8255.

Do I Need Help?

Everyone feels discouraged or sad sometimes. Usually we are able to move on from these feelings, but for people suffering from depression, recovery is much more difficult. A professional counselor, doctor, or life coach can provide the encouragement and guidance you need to make lasting changes to your mood and your life.

It may be time to consider professional help if any of the following apply to you:

Your personal relationships are beginning to suffer because of your sadness or irritability.
You’re having difficulty keeping up with work due to poor focus or lack of energy.
Friends or family have noticed changes in your mood or behavior lately.
You haven’t been taking good care of yourself (eating poorly, skipping showers, etc.)
You feel sad, numb, or irritable most of the time.

Suffering from depression is painful and can have long-term consequences, both for you and for the other people in your life. But you do not have to face this challenge alone. With the right help, you can learn important coping skills, change your negative thinking patterns, and get your life back on track.

How Is Depression Treated?

If you or a loved one is suffering from depression, you may be wondering, “What next?” The good news is that many treatment options are out there. These treatments are effective for most of the people who try them, although you may have to try more than one before you find the best treatment for you.

The most common depression treatments include:

One-on-one counseling (usually cognitive behavioral therapy)
Group counseling and support groups
Antidepressants or other medications

Many people suffering from depression combine two of these treatment options, or may even use all three. Some people also benefit from exercise routines, herbal remedies, meditation, or other alternative treatments.

It may feel a little overwhelming to consider all of these potential treatments, but you don’t have to try everything at once. A good first step is to make an appointment with a professional counselor who can help you form a plan of action. You don’t have to struggle alone.

Living with and Loving Someone Who Has Bipolar Disorder

Posted on January 9, 2019January 10, 2019 by Dr. D Ivan Young

To ever truly love someone you must understand and accept all of who they are. That is easier said than done when you are trying live with someone who has bipolar disorder. This disorder is associated with episodes of mood swings ranging from depressive lows to manic highs that go on and off for weeks or even months at a time. There is no cure for this disorder and it affects 3 million people in the United States alone, from as young as 3 years of age, all the way to 60+.

So how do you live with and love someone whose emotions are constantly unstable?

Educate Yourself

The first of step of living with and loving someone who has bipolar disorder, is understanding what the disorder is and learning everything you can about symptoms and treatment options. It’s important to understand that their disorder is not your fault, or theirs. Although it isn’t curable it is treatable with the correct medications. Every person experiences this disorder differently and the signs aren’t always consistent. If you begin to notice that your loved ones mood or beliefs are shifting radically, pay extra attention to their behavior. Shifts from pleasant moods into depression can be an indicator of being bipolar. Seek knowledge from a doctor or a medical professional if needed and don’t be afraid to ask hard questions.

Know the Limits

Having a loved one who is bipolar can take a toll on everyone, especially their caregiver. It is important to know both their limits and your own. Offer hope for the future and unconditional support. Accept that their recovery will not happen overnight, it will be a process that requires time and patience. Take care of yourself so that you’re able to be there for your loved one when they need you. If you’re not careful, you risk a burnout, a state of physical, emotional and mental exhaustion. Make sure you get ample sleep and proper nutrition so that you can continue to be there for them.

Ensure That Your Loved Ones Receive Proper Treatment

Encouraging the person you love to seek treatment can be tricky. You want to be sure that your advice is coming from a place of love and concern. Once they’ve decided to go seek treatment, help them by creating a list of questions for their doctor. Preparedness can make all the difference. Track their episodes including date, time, and what happened during their bipolar episode. Attend their first doctors visit with them to let them know they have your support.

Another practice that can be helpful for both the person who has bipolar disorder and their loved ones, is coaching. Whatever you find more comfortable, whether it’s one on one or a support group, speaking with a third party can help you get back to a more normal routine. For the person with the disorder support groups can be especially helpful during recovery. Talking with other people who have had some of the same experiences can help cope with unresolved emotions. As far as mending romantic relationships, seek help from someone who specializes in couples therapy.

Be Prepared

Often times when someone is manic or depressed, they will often have bipolar episodes in which they might act like completely different people. They may begin to make irresponsible decisions, and even become destructive. When there’s a crisis make sure you are prepared. You can be prepared by working on an mutually agreeable plan when your loved one is feeling well. Negotiations such as, retracting keys or credit cards, can be helpful when their symptoms start to get intense. In some cases bipolar disorder can create situations that are quite serious, such as your loved one threatening to take their own life. Do not try and handle this on your own, for immediate help call 9-1-1 and do not leave them alone. Familiarize yourself with their patterns of behavior so that you know what to expect.

Living with and loving someone with bipolar disorder can be hard for everyone involved. Educate yourself on the disease so you know what your loved one is experiencing. Know the limits of both yourself and the person with the disorder so you don’t experience a burn out. Ensure that their disorder doesn’t go untreated and above all else be prepared. It is not your job to diagnose your loved one but you are responsible for offering them support and knowing what to do in case of an emergency.