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New Year's Fitness Resolutions

New Year’s Fitness Resolutions

Posted on by Dr. D Ivan Young

Many people use the beginning of a new year as a chance to reinvent themselves. You may be interested in starting a new phase of your career, improving your personal relationships, or living a more spiritual life. While you’re making your plans for the future, it’s important to remember your health. By making and following the right fitness resolutions, you can maintain the energy and stamina you’ll need to achieve all of your other goals.

Choosing the Right Fitness Resolutions

Each body is unique, and we all have different habits when it comes to our health. So if you’re setting some fitness goals for the new year, you’ll need to think carefully about where you are now and where you’d like to go. Some healthy ideas to consider are:

  • Exercising every day at a set time, or at least 2–3 times per week
  • Identifying areas of your body that could use some improvement and working on them
  • Planning out meals and snacks to make sure you’re getting the nutrients you need instead of junk food
  • Cutting back or quitting things like nicotine or excessive caffeine
  • Focusing on something you’d like to be able to do by the end of the year, like running a faster mile or increasing how much you can lift

It’s important to strike the right balance with lifestyle changes. If they are too easy, you won’t achieve much, but they should still be realistic. Each person’s goals will be different, so don’t worry about what anyone else is doing. Focus on your personal improvement. If you’re not sure where to get started, a personal trainer or life coach can help you clarify your goals and develop a plan to achieve them.

Sticking to Your Fitness Resolutions

Coming up with a list of changes to make may be difficult for some, but the true challenge lies in following your plan for the rest of the year. Many people become discouraged too quickly, or get so caught up in daily life that they neglect their long term goals. Just remember that taking care of your body is the key to both physical and emotional health, so it should be a high priority for all of us.

If you feel yourself getting frustrated or distracted while trying to reach and maintain your optimum health, here are some important things to keep in mind:

  • Progress takes time. You probably won’t see the results you want right away, even when you’re working very hard. Becoming healthier or maintaining excellent health should be viewed as a lifelong goal, not a short term one.
  • You deserve to feel better. Don’t need to settle for laziness, poor nutrition, or bad habits. Sticking to your plan of action can make you stronger and healthier. You deserve to be the best version of yourself!
  • You won’t achieve anything without hard work and persistence. If you’re putting real effort into your fitness resolutions, there will be challenges. But remember that lasting change isn’t easy. If you want to see results, you’ll have to do the work.
  • You don’t have to do it alone. Everything is easier when you have someone to support you through the process. Maybe some of your friends are working on their own health-related challenges, or maybe you’d rather get some advice and encouragement from a professional. Whoever it is, find someone you can share updates with.
  • Know what drives you. If you ever feel tempted to give up on your resolutions, it may help to remember why you made them in the first place. Maybe you want to feel better, look better, or be capable of doing more. Be sure you know what your motivation is, because that will help you maintain the focus you need to be successful.

Maybe you already have a healthy lifestyle but see some room for improvement, or maybe you have a lot to learn about exercise and nutrition. No matter where you’re starting out, life is full of opportunities to learn and grow. If you haven’t made any fitness resolutions for this year, now is the time to start thinking about healthy change.

Finding the right stress management to help cope with a job and relationships.

Finding the right stress management to help cope with a job and relationships.

Posted on by Dr. D Ivan Young

Stress is a part of life. But we don’t have to succumb to the health risks that it causes. Everyone has experienced stress at some point in life. Unfortunately, some individuals experience more stress than they can handle and need stress management to learn how to habitually handle stress when it rears its ugly head. This overwhelming anxiety can affect them physically as well as psychologically, causing problems with relationships at home, work or in public.

Stress management is a way of coping with anxiety and stressful situations that we encounter in our day-to-day. Medical professionals have long recognized the negative effects stress can have on the body and mind. Stress management encompasses a wide range of techniques and practices designed to manage and control an individual’s stress levels. Understanding how to utilize stress management in our daily routines can help lessen the impact of stress and help us recognize and remove the root source of anxiety. Stress management can include professional treatment and counseling, or self-help techniques, such as daily exercise, developing coping skills and discussing personal problems with trusted social contacts.

What is stress?

Stress is the way we react to conditions in our environment, body or mind. The conditions that trigger this reaction are called stressors. Examples of stressors can include driving in traffic, severe weather, loud noises, aggressive behavior and lack of money. When humans are faced with triggers, stress can overwhelm the senses so that it’s challenging to deal with the harsh realities of life.

Stress is an expression of the body’s natural “fight or flight” mechanism – a way to defend ourselves against real or perceived dangers. When your brain feels stress it releases copious amounts of chemicals like cortisol, adrenaline, and noradrenaline into the body. These cause increased heart rate, faster breathing, heightened alertness and the muscles to tense as our body prepares to either stay and confront the stressor or flee to safety. Stress management teaches us how to calm our breathing, relax our muscles and find our inner peace to deal with the pressures of life.

The more stressors we experience, the more stressed we become. Acute, or short-term stress, is generally benign and can even be beneficial in emergency situations. This includes the anxious feelings we get while awaiting the arrival of a newborn or the outcome of a sporting event. However, chronic or long-term stress, such as that caused by ongoing financial problems, a dysfunctional family situation, or an unhappy marriage, can have a negative effect on your life. It has been linked to several health conditions, including depression and heart disease.

Physical symptoms of stress

Stress manifests in many forms. Physical and emotional symptoms of long-term stress can include:

  • Headaches
  • Heart disease
  • High blood pressure
  • Indigestion and other stomach aches
  • Chest pain
  • Back pain
  • Depression
  • Irritability
  • PTSD
  • Muscle aches, spasms, and cramps
  • Sexual dysfunction and loss of libido
  • Nervous twitches
  • Autoimmune problems
  • Fainting
  • Insomnia

Stress management helps us alleviate the mental and physical symptoms of stress, especially harmful chronic stress. Many people experience stress at work, at home and during new and transitional times.

Stress in the workplace

Where do you experience stress? Most Americans cite the workplace as a significant source of stress. Low wages, excessive workloads, deadlines and lack of advancement opportunities are just a few of the causes of stress in the workplace. Unfortunately, work-related stress doesn’t go away when you clock out for the day, we often take it home with us. Sometimes we can’t avoid on the job stresses, but stress management can help us control it. When work stress becomes chronic, it can be overwhelming — and harmful to both physical and emotional health. Many companies are incorporating stress management programs, health and fitness rewards, and other activities to help employees deal with the common anxieties associated with work.

Marital stress

Stress in a marriage can cause serious damage to a relationship. Every marriage goes through difficult periods, but chronic stress-related problems can tear it apart slowly causing an underlying conflict between spouses. Marital stress can lead to such behavior as alcoholism, infidelity, gambling and substance abuse. Financial problems, miscommunication, children, in-laws, sexual problems, work, and arguments are just a few of the causes of marital stress. Stress management can often help couples learn how to open up to each other, discuss their problems and seek solutions. Professional counseling can also help bridge the gap between couples who have lost sight of how to communicate. Counselors can encourage couples to work together using effective stress management tools.

Family and relationships

The challenges and responsibilities of raising children is frequently a source of stress for parents. Despite the fact that they love their children, parents are in many cases unprepared for the challenges of raising a family. Relationships with children and other family members may become strained due to stress at work or in the relationship. Stress management is important for parents who can’t handle the mood shifts of their children and don’t know how to cope with their sudden change in behaviors. Finding a counselor to help navigate the rough waters that come with raising kids can help parents learn the proper coping skills to handle whatever kids are going through.

Stress management techniques

There are many ways you can manage anxiety in our life. Which ones have you tried? Which ones would you be willing to try to help with stress management?

  • Exercise
  • Talking to a friend
  • Meditation or yoga
  • Social networking
  • Eliminating stressors
  • Counseling
  • Keeping a diary
  • Recognizing stressful situations
  • Prescription medications
  • Training workshops
  • Attend motivational speaking events

Stress management can help reduce the intense pressure that can affect your job, marriage or family. An expert in stress management, Dr. D. Ivan Young specializes in providing singles, couples and professionals the tools they need to successfully manage stress in their lives. A certified Master Coach, Master Neuro-Linguistic Programmer, and credentialed Master MBTI Practitioner with a Ph.D. in Holistic Life Coaching, Dr. D’s stress management counseling allows individuals to enjoy life to its fullest and achieve their highest possible potential.

Common Indicators You Are Suffering from Depression and Need Help

Common Indicators You Are Suffering from Depression and Need Help

Posted on by Dr. D Ivan Young

Depression is one of the most common forms of mental illness. It is estimated that over 300 million people around the world are suffering from depression today. Sadly, fewer than half of them will receive treatment. There are many treatment options for depression, from medication to individual counseling, but there are also many barriers to treatment that people may face.

Talking about mental health can be difficult. Many people are embarrassed or ashamed to admit that they are suffering from depression. But acknowledging the problem is the first step to recovery. If you are experiencing any indicators of depression, professional help and guidance can make a huge difference in the quality of your life.

What Is Depression?

Depression is a kind of mood disorder, which means it is a condition that causes long-lasting, painful emotions. There are different types of depression, but the most common is known as major depressive disorder or clinical depression. Other types include seasonal affective disorder, postpartum depression, and bipolar disorder.

It’s important to understand that depression is more than just a bad day or occasionally feeling sad. It’s a disorder that can be very disruptive to your relationships, career, and health. No one is sure why some people end up suffering from depression while others never experience this problem. Doctors think the problem may be biological, perhaps related to genetics or neurochemical differences.

Am I Suffering from Depression?

We are all individual, so the symptoms of depression will not be exactly the same for each person who experiences it. Still, certain symptoms are very common among people suffering from depression. These include:

  • Feeling like life is hopeless
  • Losing interest in things you used to enjoy
  • Feeling worthless or helpless
  • Having no energy or motivation
  • Changes in appetite (you may eat too much or too little)
  • Feelings of sadness or emptiness that won’t go away
  • Physical symptoms, like headaches or nausea, that have no other cause

In the most severe cases, people suffering from depression may begin to think about hurting themselves. If you or a loved one is experiencing these thoughts, you need help right away. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can help. Their number is 1-800-273-8255.

Do I Need Help?

Everyone feels discouraged or sad sometimes. Usually we are able to move on from these feelings, but for people suffering from depression, recovery is much more difficult. A professional counselor, doctor, or life coach can provide the encouragement and guidance you need to make lasting changes to your mood and your life.

It may be time to consider professional help if any of the following apply to you:

  • Your personal relationships are beginning to suffer because of your sadness or irritability.
  • You’re having difficulty keeping up with work due to poor focus or lack of energy.
  • Friends or family have noticed changes in your mood or behavior lately.
  • You haven’t been taking good care of yourself (eating poorly, skipping showers, etc.)
  • You feel sad, numb, or irritable most of the time.

Suffering from depression is painful and can have long-term consequences, both for you and for the other people in your life. But you do not have to face this challenge alone. With the right help, you can learn important coping skills, change your unhelpful thinking patterns, and get your life back on track.

How Is Depression Treated?

If you or a loved one is suffering from depression, you may be wondering, “What’s next?” The good news is that many treatment options are out there. These treatments are effective for most of the people who try them, although you may have to try more than one before you find the best treatment for you.

The most common depression treatments include:

  • One-on-one counseling (usually cognitive behavioral therapy)
  • Group counseling and support groups
  • Doctor or psychiatrist examination
  • Medical treatment
  • Antidepressants or other medications

Many people suffering from depression combine two of these treatment options, or may even use all three. Some people also benefit from exercise routines, herbal remedies, meditation, or other alternative treatments.

It may feel a little overwhelming to consider all of these potential treatments, but you don’t have to try everything at once. A good first step is to make an appointment with a professional counselor who can help you form a plan of action. Remember, you don’t have to struggle alone.

Choosing the Right Life Coach

Choosing the Right Life Coach

Posted on by Dr. D Ivan Young

Whether you are an entrepreneur or established business person, there comes a time when you feel stuck and have no idea what next step to take. You might find yourself slowly slipping into depression as you watch your dreams fade out of your grip. While these situations can be devastating, most people don’t realize that the solution could be as simple as working with a life coach. While just saying the words sounds easy enough, the hurdle isn’t finding a life coach, it’s finding the right life coach. The right life coach will be someone who understands your unique needs and can offer expertise to help you be successful. Although it may seem like finding your match is like looking for a needle in a haystack, there a few questions to consider before you start your search for the right person.

What are my goals?

The first mistake people make is thinking that their whole life needs coaching. That is why specificity matters. What exactly do you need coaching support in? Whether you’re looking to be a better business leader or want to develop a more personal relationship with your employees, it is important to know what you want. That way your potential life coaches will be able to tell you how they can help. Although your life coach can certainly help you figure out the details and the process of accomplishing your goals, it is important to know where you want to start.

Do we have chemistry?

As much as experience and expertise matters when choosing the right life coach, compatibility gets a top priority. If you don’t click, you are going to find it hard getting the experience you are looking for. Engage in a “Chemistry Session” where you solely focus on the chemistry between you and your future coach. How does this life coach make you feel? Excited? Inspired? Bored? Do they possess the kind of personality that you admire? Do they make it easy for you to trust them and pour out your feelings more readily? If after this “Chemistry Session” you don’t feel that they are the right life coach for you, feel free to walk away. You know yourself better than anyone and can determine if it’s going to work out in the long run.

Is this person qualified to give me coaching about my life?

You might often be told that a life coach doesn’t have to go to school or get training. The truth is, a life coach with relevant academic qualifications and experience is the best and will, in the end, be the most helpful. Would you let someone fix your car if all they have done is read a book on mechanics? The answer is no, you wouldn’t. Unlike your car, when it comes to your life, you only get one and the stakes are much higher. If your future coach has a degree or has received an award in human relations, psychology, or other affiliated fields, they will be tremendously more qualified. Having certifications and awards from recognized institutions is also nice in that they validate their work. They should have experience in implementing famous life coach methods and techniques that are proven to work. The right coach should be able to identify patterns of behavior and emotional intelligence to build trust and deliver the desired results.

How do I know if this person will deliver on what they promised?

One way to gauge if a life coach is a right fit for you is by looking at their previous clients. If you know someone that has previously used their services, talk to them and ask whether if they were attentive and followed through with their goals. If you don’t know of anybody that has worked with this life coach before, visit their website and social media profiles and go through their testimonials. Most of these will give you an insight into the kind of person your prospective life coach is. Ask friends, family and business partners if they have any referrals they would recommend.

Does they have credibility?

Apart from setting a personal meeting, look at how often your target coach appears on the media and how much relevant work they have published. This can also help you make an informed decision. Reading their publications and media interviews will give you a glimpse into their thought leadership. You will be able to gauge their authority and credibility from the way they discuss popular life issues. If you feel a connection after reading their work and watching their videos, you have found a prospective life coach.

In a recent interview, Dr. Young stated, “I know what it’s like to work twice as hard only to be seen as half as good. Nothing can stop an individual who is well coached, well-prepared, and who possesses a made up mind. I am proof that anyone who lives their brand and operates in a spirit of excellence will silence the worst of naysayers. Unfortunately, the hardest voice to silence is often the one from within and that’s what I’ve mastered,” states Young. To learn more about Dr.D click here.

How to Utilize Setbacks, Betrayals and Obstacles

How to Utilize Setbacks, Betrayals and Obstacles

Posted on by Dr. D Ivan Young

A message from me to you. Stop being so focused on the end goal that you miss the point of the journey. Everything you’re experiencing in this season, including the moments that you don’t particularly like, is indispensable and instrumental. Each and every person, situation and set of circumstances you encounter are merely building blocks. These building blocks are needed.
Setbacks, betrayals, and obstacles are part of your process. Everything that is taking place in and around your life right now is happening for a reason. This includes the delays, the disappointments, the betrayals and obstacles that you believe to be your setbacks. Each and every one of them is divinely orchestrated with one purpose. That purpose is to redirect your energy while moving you toward the ultimate goal.

When it comes to setbacks, betrayals, and obstacles, the sum is no greater than any individual part. What you think is a setback is really divine intervention modifying your schedule. The betrayal you’re experiencing reveals who and what could have deceived you. As for the obstacle and delay, that’s your higher power preventing you from getting ahead of yourself and what ultimately will be bestowed upon you. If any ONE of those setbacks, betrayals, and obstacles were eliminated from your life, the process would be hindered. Now, as I’ve said before, the real issue is that you don’t fully trust God yet. Until you do, He is NOT going to allow you to take another step. And you will only be able to see betrayals and obstacles as such, ignoring the process. Fact – the disappointments you’re experiencing right now is the higher power preventing you from being disillusioned later.
From here forward you’ve got two choices – do it His way or continue doing it your way. Both come with their own setbacks, betrayals, and obstacles.

Consider this. Is your faith what you can see, or is it in what God is attempting to show you?
Know this. Without faith, it’s impossible to please God. You must accept that God’s Ways are Not our Ways. Have faith and understand that setbacks, betrayals, and obstacles are experienced for a reason and are a part of the process. There is a much bigger picture on the horizon.

If you need help understanding what to do next, that’s understandable. If you need help making sense of what’s going on, that’s reasonable. All you have to do is ask God to show you what’s up. Then ask Him to order your steps.
Fact – If you stop trying to figure out things that you can’t comprehend, controlling what you can control, God will immediately intercede on your behalf and show you what’s is going on and why setbacks, betrayals, and obstacles are happening in the first place.

God wants you to seek His counsel. He wants you to become wise. So, try this. Ask the Him to show you – YOU. Ask Him to speak to you in your dreams or in your circumstances. Ask Your Creator clarification about what is He trying to teach you in this present moment. See why the setbacks, betrayals, and obstacles are all part of the process.
Dear one, I am convinced of this very thing – He who began the good work in you shall perfect it, provided you remain focused and faithful.

Remember this… the issue is NOT you being able to count on God, the real question is – Can He count on you? God is faithful to His word, now try being faithful to yours. Accept the process instead of avoiding it or resenting it. Accept all the setbacks, betrayals, and obstacles that come with it.

From God to you, through me, Dr. D Ivan Young. I love you. Please pray for his favor over me, as I’m praying for you. Have an awesome day!

I love you madly, most sincerely I do…

Taking a look inside Dr. D. Ivan Young’s book, “Another Chance”

Taking a look inside Dr. D. Ivan Young’s book, “Another Chance”

Posted on by Dr. D Ivan Young

Have you read Dr. D. Ivan Young’s Amazon best seller, “Another Chance” yet? If you’re thinking about your life and wishing it would change, it may be the wakeup call you need. It’s a strong sensation when you become increasingly aware that every significant thing taking place in your life right now is happening for a reason. Whether you accept it or not, divine forces ARE working on your behalf. And whether you believe in God or a higher power, maybe you’ve come to realize that you are not alone in this.

Dr. Young’s book “Another Chance” offers some guidance and proof that unseen forces are working diligently on your behalf, giving you step by step instructions on how to connect with your spiritual self. Let’s take a look at some high-level sections of Chapters 3-6 to give you a peek at what Dr. D truly believes is within your reach and most likely already happening in your life.

Chapter 3: Everything Happens for a Reason – You’re Not Alone

“I assure you, the fact that you’re thinking about the content of your life at this moment in time is not by chance. Nor is it a coincidence; it’s not happenstance, and it certainly is not an accident. You got this wakeup call when you did for a reason. Your Creator is undergirding your evolution. Take into account all of the things you pay attention to right now that never concerned you before. You are becoming increasingly aware that every significant thing taking place in your life right now is happening for a reason. Whether you accept it or not, divine forces ARE working on your behalf. You are not alone in this. Chapter three provides proof that unseen forces are working diligently on your behalf; it gives you step by step instructions on how to connect with the divine part of you.”

Chapter 4: On the First Day – Whose Image?

“There are no magic spells, incantations, amulets, or candles you can burn that will bring forth a window of opportunity in your life. Waiting, wanting, praying, and wishing for the right set of circumstances to magically appear on the horizon is equivalent to using sorcery as a substitute for taking a bath. After you finish chanting magic words over your private parts and underarms, you will quickly come to the realization that you still stink. For you to have a snowball’s chance in hell at being successful, you’ve got to do more than talk; you will need a usable blueprint and a sound methodology accompanied by consistent effort. Chapter four provides a 7 step plan for restoration. The course of action outlined in this chapter you will permanently eliminate self-defeating thought processes and behaviors.”

Chapter 5: The Law is On Your Side

“Without rules of order and laws, humankind would subsist in a state of reckless abandonment. Furthermore, if one does not possess the greater interpretation, which is the spirit of the law, the letter thereof is worthless. As a result, if you are to succeed at this second chance at life, hedging the odds in your favor is mandatory. To gain this much-needed advantage, you must understand the four sets of laws. Concerning these laws, you will find present three constant themes: The first is order. Secondly, all laws are easily recognized. Lastly, they are not bound nor restricted by anything. In other words, all four laws are in effect twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Time, place, and circumstance must submit to them; it is not the other way around. The wonderful thing is, these laws exist to serve you, not limit you. Chapter 5 provides the guidelines to help you align your life with Natural, Spiritual and Universal Laws, thus providing the keys that will guarantee you a prosperous and peace-filled life.”

Chapter 6: Can You Hear Me Now?

“Imagine how much further you’d get in life if you could immediately distinguish God’s voice from that of your egotistical self and of others. This is particularly true when it applies to distinguishing instinct and inclination from reason and reaction. Stop! Think for a moment. What if you had availed yourself of this ability earlier in life? All the external influences that until now have tossed you from plinth of triumph to the trench of tragedy could have possibly been avoided. Perfecting the ability to differentiate between God’s voice and that of other voices will end the lack of clarity that’s been the source of every bad decision you’ve ever made. By doing such, the inability to accurately perceive situations, people, and circumstances will be permanently rendered null. Chapter 6 eliminates the middleman and teaches you how to, with clarity, distinguish God’s voice from that of any other.”

 

Are you scaring men away?

Are you scaring men away?

Posted on by Dr. D Ivan Young

Do you think women primarily start a relationship with the intention of ruining it before it even starts? Sabotage can potentially ruin a great relationship before it even takes hold. Maybe you’ve experienced something like this in your lifetime.  Scaring Men Away

So, why does this happen? Perhaps you are wanting too much, too soon. Be careful, you could scare a man away by forcing communication and commitment rather than yielding to the organic flow of authentic connection.

Here are common behaviors that are scaring men away:

 Pushing for commitment may be scaring men away

  • Being manipulative and making the man feel pressured
  • Forcing the outcome, YOU want
  • Instead of focusing on statements of commitment, keep the focus on doing things that allow you both to get to know each other

 Acting paranoid may be scaring men away

  • Being overly suspicious, irrational and dramatic
  • Paranoia can come off as insecurity, or an insult
  • Texting your man, a dozen times in one hour

 You stop putting your true self forward may be scaring men away

  • Operating from pretentiousness and egotism/pride
  • Being fake is a turn-off
  • If he can’t accept you at your worst, he doesn’t deserve you at your best

 Making too many assumptions may be scaring men away

  • Expectations set in the relationship, “Fools in Paradise”
  • Letting past experiences interfere
  • Allowing gender stereotypes, cultural and religious belief to cause you to presuppose both you and your significant other are on the same page

 Not communicating clearly may be scaring men away

  • Say what you mean, mean what you say
  • Assuming that your partner knows what, you are thinking
  • Texting vs. talking

 Acting like you’re still available may be scaring men away

  • Not conducting yourself as if your significant other is present when you’re out alone, or with friends
  • “Don’t let your good be spoken of as evil”
  • “Six Degrees of Separation” theory – so make sure you aren’t dating around with mutual friends in the same community

Not knowing your limits may be scaring men away

  • Overestimating your ability to control consequences
  • Not taking responsibility for your actions
  • Not recognizing boundaries

There are no guarantees in life or in love. Learn to love and accept yourself for who you are not. What works in one relationship may not work in another. Before finding Mr. Right, learn to enjoy spending time alone with you. If you don’t enjoy your own company, why would anyone else? Ultimately, the best any of us can do is be that which we seek. When you become such, that which you seek will find you!

Our perception of self is seldom accurate. More often the way you see yourself is one thing, but how other people see you is yet another.

How to Ask for Forgiveness

How to Ask for Forgiveness

Posted on by Dr. D Ivan Young

Sometimes words and actions can result in irreconcilable differences. But sometimes, when there is genuine remorse, mistakes can be forgiven. Here are some suggestions for when you want to ask for forgiveness. Ask for Forgiveness

Some people put a true love at risk for fleeting affairs and stupid lies. From infidelity to irreverence, deception to indifference hypocrisy to egotism, when it comes to sustaining love, we can be our own worst enemy. Making incompetent clownish mistakes is one thing, but it is hard to come back from actions that have destroyed the trust in your relationship. So, when you have devastated someone whom you love, you need to repair the relationship, make your partner see that you are extremely remorseful and aware that your actions have consequences before you ask for forgiveness.

Put yourself in the other person’s shows.

Admit what you have done and then admit the truth to the person you have hurt. Sympathize with the person you have betrayed or hurt. Tell them how difficult it would be to forgive if you were them. Show him/her that you ashamed of your actions and understand that granting forgiveness will be difficult. Communicate in the way that the person you hurt prefers, respect their boundaries and if you can’t meet face-to-face, try a phone conversation or even an email. Sometimes it takes time before your loved one even wants to communicate with you again. Give her/him time, if it is needed before you officially ask for forgiveness.

Be honest.

Come clean and be honest about everything. To be forgiven, you have to admit what you have done wrong. The healing begins with the painful truth and sincere efforts. This may be your last chance to show someone you love them and do not want to hurt them. Use this time to better yourself and do not repeat the same mistakes. Real love is transparent. If you want to keep secrets from someone, you are not ready to be in an open, honest and loving relationship with that person. If you have to hide text messages, emails or phone calls, consider why you feel you have to live a secret life and why you would even want to ask for forgiveness.

Be that which you seek.

Mature love isn’t about what you get, it’s about what you are willing to give. It takes time to develop a meaningful relationship with anyone. If you desire commitment, that begins with being committed. Don’t take those you love for granted because real love is a rare find. Get to know your partners love language and speak it on a consistent basis. Verbalize and demonstrate your appreciation. Show that you are worthy of asking for forgiveness.

If you are trying to ask for forgiveness, try to fix things before it is too late. But remember to be sincere, understanding and patience. Love comes with no guarantees. It is truly what you make it.

 

Real Love Happens When You Least Expect It

Real Love Happens When You Least Expect It

Posted on by Dr. D Ivan Young

It seems like just another ordinary day, then suddenly your world is transformed, your priorities shift, your heart flutters and you can’t stop smiling. At first, you are not sure why and then it hits you like a rainstorm…and you are in love. Real Love

Like they say, love happens when you least expect it. If it weren’t for the fact that the greatest desire of all humanity is to love, to be loved and to experience real love, all of us would be annoyed at the way real love enters our lives. It is not something you plan for, nor is it something you can simply make happen.

All people desire real love. We all desire happiness and the euphoric feeling that comes from being connected to that special someone through a unique bond. But, real love must come naturally. You can force it and you can’t buy it. You can’t make a heart feel something it doesn’t. And love comes from within, though you can show someone through your actions, love radiates from within you. Real love shouldn’t have to be proven or won, it is a mutual attraction that grows through the respect and admiration of each other.

When you decide to enter a long-term commitment with another, take the time to get to know them first. Don’t confuse real love with infatuation and lust. Marriage and children will create a special bond between you and your partner that doesn’t quickly vanish, even if you would like it to. How do you know you are really in love and that person is your ideal match? Ask questions, meet friends and family, spend time in a spiritual setting and spend time traveling together.

Real love is natural and organic. Though you may have met on a dating site 15 minutes after you signed up, falling in love takes time as it is a process of face-to-face encounters, shared expressions and intimate moments. Stop settling or thinking you can change someone or rescue them. Real love is not about molding someone to your ideal mate, it is about sharing yourself with someone and accepting the person they are. Love has no pride and often without warning people to find themselves at the mercy of love, where your love’s faults become whimsical acts and the very thought of that person fills your body with warmth.

But, how do you keep from self-sabotaging your relationship? How do you avoid the mistakes of the past? How do avoid taking your love for granted? How do you show your partner you love them each day?

 

  • Respect Love – Love deserves and demands respect. Don’t waste time on grudges or jealousy, focus, give love its due.
  • Don’t Tempt Fate – Don’t try to be something you are not; your love will accept you as you are. Honesty is the best gift you can give your partner.
  • Be Humble – Love is a treasure unlike any other, cherish it by repaying the world with kindness.

Remember, real love, happens when you least expect it, so be prepared.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Saying “I Do” to Marriage Counseling

Saying “I Do” to Marriage Counseling

Posted on by Dr. D Ivan Young

What’s wrong with us that we’re constantly in need of help all the time? Marriage Counseling

It turns out that’s the wrong way to approach the question. There’s nothing wrong with you per se, but you might be engaged in habits that are mildly (or significantly) self-destructive or harmful to others who are in a relationship with you. These don’t even have to be particularly pronounced, which often makes them quite hard to pin down without some intervention, often marriage counseling is the key to discovery and healing.

Large-scale conferences like self-help seminars tend to take a lot of flak for allegedly being devoid of any real methods of self-improvement, instead opting for empty idealism. But, it really comes down to a matter of perspective. The same thing is true of marriage counseling or couples’ therapy for non-married partners. The idea is the see things from a different viewpoint.

But be cautious of self-help seminars with quick fixes and programs that promise results. Be diligent and thorough when choosing a marriage counselor, after all, they are protecting a very important asset, your relationship.

It is important to keep the following points in mind when seeking marriage counseling:

Find a qualified, experienced therapist

There are a plethora of therapists who offer marriage counseling, but not all of them are experts in counseling couples. Many counselors will offer marriage counseling simply because they’ve handled general therapy before and think it’s an easy transition. It might be, but that doesn’t mean they’re offering their clients the best possible treatment. If you think you need marriage counseling and are looking for the right therapist to lead your sessions, ask your potential therapist if they’ve obtained the proper training in cooperative communication and conflict resolution. If not, they might not be offering the most beneficial treatment for your relationship.

Consider Pre-Wedding Marriage Counseling

As you’re locking in plans for the dinner, the dessert, the DJ and the decor, it might be a good idea to also devote some time to counseling. Pre-wedding therapy tends to shed light on all the jitters, hesitations and reservations, so these concerns can be openly discussed prior to being married. It’s a big misconception that couples’ therapy is only for those whose relationships are on the rocks and taking time to meet before the wedding can often prevent those kinds of problems in the future.

Marriage Counseling can be a Gateway to PTSD Treatment

As the nation copes with skyrocketing instances of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, especially in returning soldiers, this is one of the most important revelations about marriage counseling that’s surfaced.

There are many reasons why someone who is potentially afflicted with PTSD wouldn’t want to seek out help, and they’re all understandable. The stigma. The shock. The looks. But for married folks, PTSD can drive a wedge between the couple and marriage counseling can often be a great way to gain an entryway into the mind of your partner with PTSD.

Remember, your relationship does not need to be in trouble in order to seek marriage counseling. Improving communication between you and your partner will only make the relationship stronger and allow you to become closer. You have found the person you want to share your life with, now take the time to find the support team that can help you foster and grow your marriage.