Dr. D Ivan Young Archives

How to Ask for Forgiveness

Posted on June 28, 2018October 24, 2018 by Dr. D Ivan Young

Sometimes words and actions can result in irreconcilable differences. But sometimes, when there is genuine remorse, mistakes can be forgiven. Here are some suggestions for when you want to ask for forgiveness. Ask for Forgiveness

Some people put a true love at risk for fleeting affairs and stupid lies. From infidelity to irreverence, deception to indifference hypocrisy to egotism, when it comes to sustaining love, we can be our own worst enemy. Making incompetent clownish mistakes is one thing, but it is hard to come back from actions that have destroyed the trust in your relationship. So, when you have devastated someone whom you love, you need to repair the relationship, make your partner see that you are extremely remorseful and aware that your actions have consequences before you ask for forgiveness.

Put yourself in the other person’s shows.

Admit what you have done and then admit the truth to the person you have hurt. Sympathize with the person you have betrayed or hurt. Tell them how difficult it would be to forgive if you were them. Show him/her that you ashamed of your actions and understand that granting forgiveness will be difficult. Communicate in the way that the person you hurt prefers, respect their boundaries and if you can’t meet face-to-face, try a phone conversation or even an email. Sometimes it takes time before your loved one even wants to communicate with you again. Give her/him time, if it is needed before you officially ask for forgiveness.

Be honest.

Come clean and be honest about everything. To be forgiven, you have to admit what you have done wrong. The healing begins with the painful truth and sincere efforts. This may be your last chance to show someone you love them and do not want to hurt them. Use this time to better yourself and do not repeat the same mistakes. Real love is transparent. If you want to keep secrets from someone, you are not ready to be in an open, honest and loving relationship with that person. If you have to hide text messages, emails or phone calls, consider why you feel you have to live a secret life and why you would even want to ask for forgiveness.

Be that which you seek.

Mature love isn’t about what you get, it’s about what you are willing to give. It takes time to develop a meaningful relationship with anyone. If you desire commitment, that begins with being committed. Don’t take those you love for granted because real love is a rare find. Get to know your partners love language and speak it on a consistent basis. Verbalize and demonstrate your appreciation. Show that you are worthy of asking for forgiveness.

If you are trying to ask for forgiveness, try to fix things before it is too late. But remember to be sincere, understanding and patience. Love comes with no guarantees. It is truly what you make it.

Real Love Happens When You Least Expect It

Posted on May 28, 2018October 24, 2018 by Dr. D Ivan Young

It seems like just another ordinary day, then suddenly your world is transformed, your priorities shift, your heart flutters and you can’t stop smiling. At first, you are not sure why and then it hits you like a rainstorm…and you are in love. Real Love

Like they say, love happens when you least expect it. If it weren’t for the fact that the greatest desire of all humanity is to love, to be loved and to experience real love, all of us would be annoyed at the way real love enters our lives. It is not something you plan for, nor is it something you can simply make happen.

All people desire real love. We all desire happiness and the euphoric feeling that comes from being connected to that special someone through a unique bond. But, real love must come naturally. You can force it and you can’t buy it. You can’t make a heart feel something it doesn’t. And love comes from within, though you can show someone through your actions, love radiates from within you. Real love shouldn’t have to be proven or won, it is a mutual attraction that grows through the respect and admiration of each other.

When you decide to enter a long-term commitment with another, take the time to get to know them first. Don’t confuse real love with infatuation and lust. Marriage and children will create a special bond between you and your partner that doesn’t quickly vanish, even if you would like it to. How do you know you are really in love and that person is your ideal match? Ask questions, meet friends and family, spend time in a spiritual setting and spend time traveling together.

Real love is natural and organic. Though you may have met on a dating site 15 minutes after you signed up, falling in love takes time as it is a process of face-to-face encounters, shared expressions and intimate moments. Stop settling or thinking you can change someone or rescue them. Real love is not about molding someone to your ideal mate, it is about sharing yourself with someone and accepting the person they are. Love has no pride and often without warning people to find themselves at the mercy of love, where your love’s faults become whimsical acts and the very thought of that person fills your body with warmth.

But, how do you keep from self-sabotaging your relationship? How do you avoid the mistakes of the past? How do avoid taking your love for granted? How do you show your partner you love them each day?

Respect Love – Love deserves and demands respect. Don’t waste time on grudges or jealousy, focus, give love its due.
Don’t Tempt Fate – Don’t try to be something you are not; your love will accept you as you are. Honesty is the best gift you can give your partner.
Be Humble – Love is a treasure unlike any other, cherish it by repaying the world with kindness.

Remember, real love, happens when you least expect it, so be prepared.

Saying “I Do” to Marriage Counseling

Posted on April 28, 2018October 24, 2018 by Dr. D Ivan Young

What’s wrong with us that we’re constantly in need of help all the time? Marriage Counseling

It turns out that’s the wrong way to approach the question. There’s nothing wrong with you per se, but you might be engaged in habits that are mildly (or significantly) self-destructive or harmful to others who are in a relationship with you. These don’t even have to be particularly pronounced, which often makes them quite hard to pin down without some intervention, often marriage counseling is the key to discovery and healing.

Large-scale conferences like self-help seminars tend to take a lot of flak for allegedly being devoid of any real methods of self-improvement, instead opting for empty idealism. But, it really comes down to a matter of perspective. The same thing is true of marriage counseling or couples’ therapy for non-married partners. The idea is the see things from a different viewpoint.

But be cautious of self-help seminars with quick fixes and programs that promise results. Be diligent and thorough when choosing a marriage counselor, after all, they are protecting a very important asset, your relationship.

It is important to keep the following points in mind when seeking marriage counseling:

Find a qualified, experienced therapist

There are a plethora of therapists who offer marriage counseling, but not all of them are experts in counseling couples. Many counselors will offer marriage counseling simply because they’ve handled general therapy before and think it’s an easy transition. It might be, but that doesn’t mean they’re offering their clients the best possible treatment. If you think you need marriage counseling and are looking for the right therapist to lead your sessions, ask your potential therapist if they’ve obtained the proper training in cooperative communication and conflict resolution. If not, they might not be offering the most beneficial treatment for your relationship.

Consider Pre-Wedding Marriage Counseling

As you’re locking in plans for the dinner, the dessert, the DJ and the decor, it might be a good idea to also devote some time to counseling. Pre-wedding therapy tends to shed light on all the jitters, hesitations and reservations, so these concerns can be openly discussed prior to being married. It’s a big misconception that couples’ therapy is only for those whose relationships are on the rocks and taking time to meet before the wedding can often prevent those kinds of problems in the future.

Marriage Counseling can be a Gateway to PTSD Treatment

As the nation copes with skyrocketing instances of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, especially in returning soldiers, this is one of the most important revelations about marriage counseling that’s surfaced.

There are many reasons why someone who is potentially afflicted with PTSD wouldn’t want to seek out help, and they’re all understandable. The stigma. The shock. The looks. But for married folks, PTSD can drive a wedge between the couple and marriage counseling can often be a great way to gain an entryway into the mind of your partner with PTSD.

Remember, your relationship does not need to be in trouble in order to seek marriage counseling. Improving communication between you and your partner will only make the relationship stronger and allow you to become closer. You have found the person you want to share your life with, now take the time to find the support team that can help you foster and grow your marriage.

Can a Marriage Counselor Help You?

Posted on March 28, 2018October 24, 2018 by Dr. D Ivan Young

According to The National Center for Fathering, “Children from fatherless homes are more likely to be poor, become involved in drug and alcohol abuse, drop out of school, and suffer from health and emotional problems. Boys are more likely to become involved in crime, and girls are more likely to become pregnant as teens.” Marriage Counselor

Unfortunately, many young parents aren’t prepared to be fathers or mothers and the children suffer. Many statistics say younger couples have a higher divorce rate, but there are many who stay together a lifetime. Why do couples split? Could divorce be avoided if they had sessions with a marriage counselor?

The point is marriage shouldn’t be a decision that you rush into. It is most likely the biggest decision you will make in your life, so don’t be blinded to things you don’t want to see. Going to a marriage counselor prior to being wed may help you work through some issues pre-marriage and help assure yourself that you are marrying the right person for you.

As you aspire to be a couple in wedlock, there will be fears, questions and moments of hysteria, but remain calm, there is a lot of help out there for couples struggling to show each other love. Don’t be ashamed to ask for professional help from a marriage counselor, everyone could benefit from counseling.

There are many different problems in a marriage that could cause one to end in divorce. The list is exhaustive, and no two marriages are alike, so the reasons are always different. However, working with a skilled and experienced marriage counselor who can open the lines of communication can make the difference.

A marriage counselor uses several techniques and strategies, a professional can determine what the best strategies are for you and which healing techniques should be properly implemented. However, a good marriage counselor will tell you that the most important things to practice in productive couples counseling are honesty and communication. Without those two, even the most sound and logical advice will fail to help couples. So before entering counseling and talking to a professional, both parties must make a commitment to communicating openly and being honest at all times.

If you are having problems communicating with your significant other or you just want to improve your relationship, consider a consultation with a marriage counselor. Before trusting a marriage counselor with your precious relationship, check references and ask for referrals from friends and family. Make the best of your time with the therapist. A respected marriage counselor will give you the tools to improve your relationship, your marriage, and your life. But, it is up to you to do the work.

Can Couples Therapy Save your Marriage

Posted on February 28, 2018October 24, 2018 by Dr. D Ivan Young

If you are struggling to achieve balance and clarity in the relationships in your life, it may be time to seek out a relationship expert. In couples therapy, a qualified, compassionate professional can help you pinpoint and resolve the issues that are creating conflict between you and your partner.

Whether it takes the form of premarital counseling, marriage counseling, couples therapy or LGBTQ relationship counseling, professional guidance can be essential to the process of helping couples reconnect with one another. An experienced counselor can help you and your partner engage in more honest dialogue with one another by practicing communication that is rooted in mutual trust and respect. It is this type of environment that is at the core of effective couples therapy.

A therapist who specializes in the subject of Myers Briggs personality types will be able to accurately determine the personality type of each individual. Using that knowledge, the therapist will then be able to instruct you as to how to communicate with one another best.

During couples therapy, the therapist will use the personality profiles to guide and instruct each person regarding methods to better communicate with their partner. This results in a better understanding of how your partner expresses him or herself, and how he or she prefers to communicate with you. This insight gained in couples’ therapy will help you create a more meaningful and impactful dialogue between you and your partner.

It is vital that couples also consider how their behavior will impact their children. For many, reconciliation through couples’ therapy means they get their family back. Divorce is very hard on children who are torn between the love of two parents, often suffering the following fates:

They are forced to divide their time between the two people they love the most.
Children of single parents are more likely to have emotional and behavioral problems.
Children of divorced parents are more likely to be sexually active at a younger age.
Often children of divorced parents are in financial dire.

According to a 2014 National Health Statistics report from CDC, “Children living with one biological parent were between 3 and 8 times as likely as children living with two biological parents to have experienced neighborhood violence, caregiver violence, or caregiver incarceration or to have lived with a caregiver with mental illness or an alcohol or drug problem.”

There are many things that couples can do to revive, revamp and reignite their marriage. It all starts with knowing how to communicate with your partner. The strength and stamina of a relationship are built on strong foundations of mutual trust and respect. If you need to rebuild that foundation or regain trust, couples therapy can help. Do you want to understand your partner better? Therapists who specialize in Myers Briggs personality types can change the way you relate to your partner. Helping you to understand them better.

If you feel your marriage is in trouble, don’t hesitate to seek help. In couples therapy, you can discover constructive ways to voice your concerns and the significance of supporting each other.

Alternatives to Getting a Divorce

Posted on January 28, 2018October 24, 2018 by Dr. D Ivan Young

In 2016, the CDC recorded 2,245,404 marriages and 827,261divorces and annulments from 44 reporting states and D.C. Though 2016 shows a marriage rate of 6.9 percent of the population, the divorce rate is almost half that at 3.2 percent. For those in second or third marriages, the divorce rate is significantly higher. Getting a divorce.

In fact, according to the American Psychological Association, 40 to 50 percent of marriages on the U.S. end up in divorce. So, with the numbers stacked against married couples, what can they do to remain happily married? There are many alternatives to simply getting a divorce and they all begin with better communication.

Talk to Each Other

Don’t expect your partner to read your mind. Things that are upsetting or disconcerting to one person, may have no impact on another. Share your joys, fears, sadness, and frustration with your partner. Come from a place of love when you speak or text or email. Accusatory language and angry gestures are not good tools for resolving conflict and constant behavior of that nature leads down the path to getting a divorce. Be honest and forthright, but compassionate and understanding. Deep-seated issues are never resolved overnight. In couples’ therapy, the space is designed so that couples should feel they can openly and honestly communicate.

Be Flexible

People change over time and it is important to adjust to that growth. Marriage is a give and take and a loving balanced relationship can last a lifetime. Get to the root of why you are thinking of getting a divorce. Does your partner feel the same or what are his/her concerns? Once you know these things, you can each make compromises to help make the situation better. Don’t be rigid or afraid of change. What worked in your relationship before, may not be what is needed at this stage in your marriage. Try to evolve as a couple before jumping into getting a divorce.

Make Time

Healing takes time, but more than that, it takes the will to want to make things better. Once you have discussed your feelings as a couple and adapted to meet your mutual changing needs, give it time. Therapy can be effective, but it takes time. If you are in couples’ therapy or marriage counseling, you are taking the right steps to save your marriage before actually getting a divorce. However, it is important to listen during therapy sessions, ask questions and follow through with any exercises and suggestions that your trusted marriage counselor deems necessary.

Get Help

Before calling it quits and getting a divorce, try these steps:

Have each person make a list of what he/she wants the other to change or work on, set a deadline for completing the list and sit down to go over it together.
Find a spiritual place you can both feel comfortable and go to faith-related events together.
Go to counseling. Find a therapist that you can both relate to, find a trusted professional with right demeanor for both of you.

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